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I'm just tired of it all
19 Replies
justachick - December 30

I was diagnosed with FM in 1995. Since that time I have fought with the ignorance of others that it is all in my head.

Finally FM has reached a point of recognition in the medical community and general population as something real.

The problem is I'm just tired. I can't accept my loss of control. I'm ready to give up. I have been in a downward spiral for the last couple of years. I bounce back for short periods of time but it always seems back to the spiral I go.

I found this forum because I am desperately looking for something to keep me going. I'm ready to just end it all.


faith7:7 - December 30

Hi, I am new to this forum too. I have been reading this discussion board for a couple weeks now, but have never posted until now. I understand and feel your pain. The downward spiral is all to familiar to me too. I’ll be good for a couple months and then it’s back with full force hitting everything all at once. It’s crippling sometimes and people that do not suffer from FM do not understand what we go through. “Tired” is the perfect word for people like us. I have been in pain and dealing with my depression and anxiety for 20+ years. I am very sad to read your post and I ask myself why I am here and why this is happening to me all the time. We all want to end our suffering, but we must have faith. I wish I could give you more words of encouragement and help you through this time. I will pray for you and hope to see more posts from you.

God Bless


dbl219 - December 30

I started experiencing fibromyalgia symptoms a few years ago, when I was only 18 years old. I'm now 23, a college graduate who lives at home and does... well, not very much of anything. I'm just not physically capable of performing most jobs, and with the recession, my parents are pretty insistent on me finding work now, and with good reason. Supporting a 23 year old man with the sort of medical bills FM can rack up, in addition to my two younger siblings, is a big strain on them. They pay for my day-to-day, my health insurance, medical bills, my therapist, any socializing I do with my friends, basically... everything.

And it sucks. Most of the time I don't know what to do. I just can't get a job like a normal person. My parents are very, very sympathetic, but when my dad tells me, "I'm 57 years old, I have aches and pains every day, you just have to suck it up and push through," I know there's no way he'll ever really understand.

I can't imagine what it's like to have been dealing with FM for the past 13-14 years, and especially not in a time where people might have called you crazy for feeling something very real, and very, very painful, all the time. The only advice I can give is to just try everything. Try the standard medicines, and if they don't work, try the alternative medicines. Get some exercise a couple times a week. Take epsom salt and magnesium baths. Stretch your worst areas on a daily basis.

In particular, I say take a course in meditation, or a very light movement-based yoga (yoga where you have to hold positions, for me, has been one of the most horrible, painful experiences). I find that learning to meditate, and to maintain a relaxed, meditative state as long as possible helps your brain stop tensing your body. When I hone in on mental relaxation, it's the only time I can feel my contracting, spasming muscles start to release and let go. My aunt with FM prefers the yoga. And strangely enough, she, like myself, is a redhead, with very fair skin, and the oldest of three siblings. I don't know what that means for a medical practitioner, but for me, that fact has always been a reassurance that FM is indeed genetic, and very real.

Anyway, I'm just taking it day by day and trying my best to be upbeat, optimistic, and grateful for what I have. My parents took out hundreds of thousands of dollars in college loans for me to study and earn a degree in acting at NYU, a profession that I am no longer physically capable of performing. So I'm trying my hand at writing screenplays, something I can do every day, without having to push myself too hard. It's only about six feet from my bed to my computer, so I do what I can, no more, no less. I'm still getting over the beating myself up over what I can and can't do part of it all, but it's better than it was because I realize I'm not the only person feeling like that.

The fact is, I'm still a human being, I'm alive, and I plan to stay that way. The thing I worry about most is children; I want kids one day, and I wonder whether I'll be able to pick them up and carry them around, or if they'll be sad that daddy can't play with them because I'm laying in bed with a heating pad. But I'd take the difficulties I know are in store for me for the rest of my life, even compounded by the fact that the onset of my FM was abnormally early at 18 years old, over giving up on life entirely. I know there will be good things, good times, good friends and family, good experiences for me in the days and weeks and years to come, and I have to believe that those things will make all the hardship worthwhile.


Marge Staffa - December 31



Taleese - January 2

Please don't give up. I feel your pain in many ways. I am tired of being tired and feeling so alone and people not understanding and wanting their mom and wife back. I try and am trying so very hard even on those days I just don't want to, the sad part is they don't know those days and realize how much it takes me to do things those days.
Have you talked to your doctor? Maybe this time of year with the holidays and grey weather is making you feel worse, I know it did me. You may need to up your medication for depression or if your not on any get on some. I know my doctor uped my Zoloft a little because I was struggling with giving up.
Please know your worth it and there are so many of us here that know and understand what you feel and we are here to be of support.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you feel better soon, please just don't give up!!


justachick - January 5

Thanks for the encouraging replies to my post. I have tried so many different anti-depressants that it is to the point of rediculous. I also have not so great insurance which I could lose anytime because right now I do not have a job. Am looking for something that I can do. Like I said before I am to the point of just giving up. I just don't know how much more I can take.

I used to be the happiest most upbeat person around. Now I wouldn't even want to be around myself. Can I blame my friends from pulling away or my family?

Some how I feel like I am to blame for having this condition. I ask myself over and over what I could possibly have done to prevent it?

I'm hoping that this forum can at least provide me with the support that I so desperately need.

I would welcome anyone with the compassion and patience to deal with my current negativity to let me know and maybe we can exchange e-mails. Thanks for listening (or reading) my pity party posts.


justachick - January 5

Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding. This truly is the most misunderstood condition around. If we had cancer how do you think others would treat us. Like people...

Your words helped me see that I am not alone so thank you.



solanadelfina - January 6

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG THAT LED TO GETTING THIS. Some say genetics or an accident or illness or whatever can kickstart it, but doing something correctly or otherwise is not a factor. It's just one of the cards that we got dealt in life.

And that's the point, it's only ONE of the cards. One of the things that's been great is having other hobbies that get one's mind off of it on the worst days, especially if it involves dumb humor. What do you like to do? Watch certain shows, do crosswords, needlework, anything like that? Who are the people or what are the things that make getting out of bed worth it in the morning?

It's important to get the negativity and issues out on the table to deal with them in a healthy way, and it sounds like you're working on that. Or 'you have to get rid of the smoke to be able to put out the fire'. Fibro sucks. It sucks a lot. But we're all in this same boat together, and there are plenty of helping hands ready to get you on your feet again after a bad day.

I'll say a prayer for you tonight. God bless and remember we only need to take it one day at a time.


pammiii - January 19

What stood out to me in your comment is the fact that FM has finally reached a point of recoginition. That in itself is reason to go on. I've tried LYCRIA and gained 15 lbs in 2 weeks so thats not going to work. This is a disappointment. I thought finally something.......
But it's back to the drawing board. Someday I have faith that there will be something to help. The medicial community and general population have a long way to go and so do we. Please don't give up. God bless you.


justachick - January 21

I take lyrica and it helps so much with the pain. However I have put on 25 lbs in the last year. Any suggestions from anyone? Yes I excercise 4-5 times per week.


debbiekay40 - January 22

I completely understand. My pain never goes away and my current Dr thinks that all I need is tramadol and Elavil. I have been on and off of so many other meds I can't even count how many. I am in such a horrible state right now too and it takes everything out of me just to come to work and go home. All I can do is get to the couch and then to bed. I wake up in severe pain in my hips and it is becoming difficult to walk I am only 40 yrs old but feel like I'm 90. Anyone who has any suggestions please let me know!


axxie - January 23

I take cymbalta, it doesn't not make you gain weight, it actually not wanting to eat. I lost a few pounds from the other stuff I was prior. It took me a while to get started with cymbalta. Nauseated and having virtigo. At least my gp warned me. What I difference it made in me, a few days into the treatment I was actually feeling so good, I fooled myself into believing that I could probably work again. Wrong for me to think that. I've been on cymbalta and even though I have some pain it's bearable. I also take trazodone for sleeping. Some days are better then others. Like today I slept all day didn't want to get up. My 16 year old got me out of bed, then I started feeling ok. Now it's 4a.m. and I can't sleep, what's new, nothing. As for going up and down yes we all have them and maybe it has something to do with the weather. I just wish I was back in Texas, instead of being up north. I still don't accept what I have, but made my mind up that I had it and I would just have to live with it, the best that I could. Don't give up, I was a cancer patient twice in my lifetime and now this. Heck I'm 51 maybe I'll feel better next year. Good luck to you all, we all need it.


Anne Hillebrand - January 25

Do you know where the cells in our bodies get food?

From what you think of as "lymph". But from where it first starts out - our arterial capillaries. It's the end product of blood.

In FMS it's a little too thick. Too thick to easily get to the most intricate parts of the body. Too thick to flush into body tissue and return through the lymphatic capillaries.

If you look down the list of Symptoms of Fibromyalgia can you imagine how every one of them can be explained by this malfunction?

When your cells are not being fed, rinsed and lubricated sufficiently, you will be tired. Incredibly tired. In brain and body. It will feel like your arms "run out of gas", and that's similar to what happens.



Rabid1st - February 24

This is my first comment on this board. I came to you because I feel just the same way. I have two friends online with Chronic Fatigue and neither of them have ever worked as they were diagnosed in college and had to drop out. I also had to drop out of college but that was to take care of my invalid mother. I have worked most of my life and have more than my share of tough as nails fighter ability, having overcome a very stressful childhood and fought my way up to managing a branch library. Fibro took all of that away from me and now I am in a fight to keep my job in this horrid recession. I want to work but I am so very tired and I've been dealing with doctors and sleep studies and anti-stess, antidepression meds and nobody really seems to see how very serious this all is. They just seem to think I can rest and take a few uppers and be fine. It's not that my doctors don't believe I am in pain...they do...but they don't seem to get what this illness is doing to my life. I was a very intellegent person, a librarian and a I can't even string a simple sentence together or do simple computations. I misspell words. I can't fix dinner or even a simple breakfast for myself.

Okay, I'm depressing you more, yeah? Sorry! But I suppose, we can come here and at least know that other people are going through the same thing. It helps to know that people are living with this same thing. People get friends can cook meals and go places...they can't work. Maybe I will have to retire early...but tomorrow they might find a cure for us we need to take care of ourselves and hold on. You, too, pet! Hold on!


Fibro Woman in MO - February 28

I know how feel. I am there too. But we must keep trying, not only for our self but for our loved ones. It is weird how people look at us, they don't understand why we hurt in so many places and it can be different every day. I am lucky in some way, my husband is very ill from liver disease and he understands my pain. My daughter is a nurse and she understands it too. The rest of my family doesn't. They can't understand why I can't work, can't do all the holiday family dinners anymore. I keep exercising in water for therapy. It seems to help. Keep in touch and keep going foward. Things happen for a reason, we just have not found out why this happened to us yet.

Hang in there


micmren - March 3

I was diagnosed just last September though the term was thrown around for years before I got in with a doctor with the ability and desire to put a name to it. Your letter really struck a cord with me. Were it not for my husband (who has been so great through all this) and our two kids, I would have quietly ended it all a long time ago. I simply can't do that to the people I love and who love me. I do still hope and pray that I will eventually come across a treatment that will allow me to at least have my "good days" be the majority for a change. It's all I can do. Pray that I can live life without feeling trapped on my heating pad, a life that allows me to sleep like normal people, have enough energy to care for my family and home, and God willing to earn my own living again. Pain and exhaustion sucks, but not being independent seems the worst right now. I know I need to look in to social security disability, but it's so hard to admit to myself that this might be it for me.
Just a chick if you want to chat via e-mail with someone who can definetly sympathize e-mail me. My name here is my e-mail on


karen lipman - March 17

YOU CAN FEEL BETTER...I am proof of this. I was diagnosed in 2001. I was to the point at age 40 that I couldn't stand for more than 5 minutes at a time. Today I am soooo much better. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP. We all have Fibro in common it seems but I am certain we all have somewhat different symptoms. I have found relief from gentle yoga. Although I felt muscle pain an hour after the class, the pain I put ice bags on and the next day to my GREAT surprise I had no pain. The next class I felt even less pain afterwards and truly BETTER. The tenderpoints are still tender to the touch but I can function. Through stretching, aleve once a day and a huge dose of optimism and a bit of hope I am doing quite well. I wish this for all of you.
I too had lived through depression and feeling like I wanted "IT" just to go away. The pain was always there and I felt helpless. If this physical improvement can happen to me I believe it can happen to you as well. Start with relaxation tapes and stretching if you'd rather. I admit yoga is exercise and it was not totally easy. People 60 and over were doing 10 times better than me but who cares. once talking with the others in the class I heard many stories of the pains they were working through. I pray that this (my first post) helps. I'm praying for all of you.



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