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Supporting my wife who has fibromyalgia.
20 Replies
fibromyalgiandme - June 22

It is so brave and commendable of you to be able to identify what is bothering you about your situation. Bravo to you - I sincerely do know what you and your wife are going through, when one person has Fibromyalgia this huge shift in (...fibro fog...can't think of the word...) responsibilities seems to set in and it affects both parties emotionally and the person who picks up the slack physically as well. I suffer from Fibromyaigla and I run a website that I think you may find very helpful. Of course there are so many websites out there but mine differs in the way that I aim to provide the most current and up-to-date information on FMS including research, treatment of all kinds (medication, holistic, and everything in between), a Good Doctor List, and more. Most important, my website is written in a way that is directed to *both* Fibro Fighters *and* Fibro Families. In the CONNECT section you can view videos, read threads and respond to topics in a *Family 2 Family Forum*, *Fibro to Fibro*, or general forums. I run a facebook as well where people stop by and drop messages and information - including family members of Fibro Fighters - in fact just yesterday somebody wrote on the wall about their spouse and just wanted to drop a note, and we all give encouragement.

Please visit my website and/or facebook page - as I feel you may get a lot out of it. The Tagline for my website and facebook is Be Your Own Advocate. And I feel just by going on this forum you have already taken that step. I wish you & your wife the very best.

fibromyalgiandme dot weebly dot com


Techy40 - June 7

I don't know how old this is or if you'll see this but I thought id write anyway. What I'm going to say isn't going to be popular and I hope I'm wrong in your case. But the answer is you will always feel resentful and you will have to learn to just accept it. The people sick with this horrible illness cannot give you advice on this because they are on the other side of this. They will always tell you "you can't possibly understand" and "they would switch places in a second". I don't doubt this. I don't blame the sick people, I realize they don't want to be this way. BUT the sick person can't imagine how hard it is to be healthy and have to do so much and give up so much. It's kind of like being in a prison.

My wife got bad about 5 years ago. She use to work but now cannot. We also have three kids. We had to file bankruptcy and foreclose our house. Because she is in so much pain and so fatigued and now so depressed she is on a plethora of drugs which I believe have made her worse. I don't expect her to do much and she obliges by doing literally nothing. In addition to doing everything I also work overtime every week. Her medical bills take up a great deal of our income and I constantly worry about what will happen if my company cuts the overtime. Because it's been easier to eat very unhealthy foods, I fear I've ruined my kids health as its proven so far impossible to change these terrible eating habits.

I have no time or money to do anything for myself. I've lost longtime friends that probably got tired of me complaining. We have had no help from family and they don't live around here anyway. Most of my wife's friends have abanded her. My sex life has been zero for a long time now. She certainly doesn't feel like it and to be quite honest the 100 lbs she's gained has turned me off even if she did want to, which she doesn't.

So it's a pretty bad situation for everyone. I go through phases where I want to cry thinking about what this disease has done to her and other times I am very resentful. As time goes by the resentment eats at me like a slow growing cancer. I really don't care about anything other than my children now. So I guess my only advice is like everyone's elses in a way. You must make time for yourself. Hopefully you have some good friends but I'm telling you, when with them, don't tell them your problems. They don't want to hear it. I try hard not to tell my few remaining friends or coworkers how unhappy life is. I found a fellow in a similar situation on another forum and I vent to him. I hope your wife isn't so sick that your sex life dies. Doesn't even have to be sex, try to at least be intimate by cuddling. Once you lose intimacy it starts going downhill even more. I think back when we'd fall a sleep in each other's arms or laugh and goof off in the morning when we'd awake and it makes me very sad. The more I write about this the more I think remaining intimate with your wife is the most important thing, more than self time even.


Sheri1096 - May 18

Reading this. I am already in tears. Guilt. What I feel is guilty.
My husband works 2 jobs. We only have 1 child. She is a teen.
I try. I tell him to go with some friends anywhere.
I want him to have time for himself.
I was a strong woman.
I worked through your the years
( Police, Fire, and EMS)
I want to do something for him, but he says he's fine.
He is a Fire Fighter, and Second job he works for another city water , and maintenance Dept.
I am not one of these women that keeps track of him, and he knows he could go somewhere, and I wouldn't question it.
But we also are drowning in debt.
I lost my job a year and half ago.
Loosing 40k a year.
He's to prideful to file bankruptcy.
I told him to sell my jeep.
He won't do it. I really think he is one of the last true men our age.
I am 44 and he is 38.
Guilt. I feel guilty.
Some days I can't even sweep the floor. I wish if he felt like you do, I wish he would tell me.
I don't ask for much.
I want to help, but I can't do to much.
I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy.
How can I take the load off of him? What would you want your wife to do?
If the docs would supply your wife with oxy and muscle relaxers, she might be able to do more.
But, when flare ups are bad, nothing helps.
I would love to hear more about your end of this.
My husband won't talk or complain. He just keeps going.
I need to hear this.
And if anyone complains about what you have to say, tell them to talk to me, because I need to hear it.
Thank You....


LH - March 2

Hello MJ, or all who is monitoring
My wife has had the fibromyalgia for years, but we have hit the same wall with life and she feels no support from me and the family, but I truly try by making all the meals, cleaning the house and laundry, not complaining just very lost.
Nothing I say or do helps and for our intimacy (sex life is gone), my wife has made it very clear she has lost all feelings for me and were at the point she wants to leave, but I truly love her, were married for 27 years and I want to grow old with her, can you or anyone give me advice to understand and support her better and have her understand I love her and yes the sex life and intimacy is a hard pill to swallow, but I will work through it and keep my best friend, lover for life.
So as I read your post what has been the outcome for your relationship with your wife?
Reading MJ’s post I feel I am looking into a mirror.


Birgit - February 12

Hello all,

I feel so deeply sorry for what you are all going through. My best friend has Fibromyalgia and her husband is experiencing the same as you. He is just not looking for support and suffers in silence. I don't think your wife's mean what they say, its just that they are in so much pain and that causes depression and anger. My friend has even fallen out with her children as she would be so sarcastic with them that they had enough. Sometimes I have to stay away from her because of the way she speaks to me. It is really hurtful but then I remind myself what she is going through and that it wasn't her choice. On top of it comes all the drugs that the doctor prescribes with all the terrible side effects like weight gain or even worse when it starts to effect the organs. We have now started some seed nutrients with her just a week ago and it seems like her mood has improved and she sleeps much better. Lets hope that in a few weeks time she will be with less pain and that her life improves. Wishing you all best of luck.



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