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My husband thinks I make it up.
38 Replies
colleen steele - September 19

Does anyone have any trouble with husbands and such not believing in your pain and refuse to even try to learn about it?


suzy - May 23

yes, and we went to counseling for it. The counselors wife has it and WOW, it helped a lot.


colleen - May 24

Thank you Suzy,although I don't think he would go.He won't even go to my doctor appts.with me.I am at my wits end !! Talk about stress adding to pain.I told my doctor how he will grab me where it hurts to see if I jump or not,like a test you know ? It really is getting aggravating not to menion painful.My doctor told me to grab him where it hurts.I haven't as of yet !! But it is hurting our marriage because I tend to keep my distance for the most part.That's not good I know , but he refuses to understand.So I am trying to find help but don't know where.Again thank you.


Sasha - June 2

My dad was the same towards my mum, because he had rheumatoid arthritis and was constantly saying "you have no idea what pain I am in everyday". Sorry it doesn't help, but I think it is the lack of physical evidence that makes it 'difficult to believe'. You should keep trying to get him to listen, print out information with big pictures or something. And good luck.


Chris - June 2

Colleen; That's awful. I'm a husband that has fibro, so, I know how awful this is. I don't know what you can do short of finding a guy in your area who has fibro and might talk to your husband about this disease. I'm very sorry you have to go through that. There are a lot of people that don't understand this pain.


Graham - June 4

Hi I have problems get other to know what I am going through with fibro. Its so hard to tell them how you feel as it changes day to day. Maybe worth getting a book on fibro and getting him to read it. Try not to stress yourself over it to much as this will only add to your fibro. Please dont take this the wrong way, but I have been told its harder for us blokes with fibro to get some-one to talk to cos its more in woman than man. I have a group not far from me but I cant go to that one cos its all woman and they dont want men there!. I dont know why but its there group. So I would say get a book on it and try and get him to read it. Thats how I found out so much about fibro as there no groups for me to go to. When I read books on fibro, I could not beleive how much there is to fibro. My life is fibro now and we with fibro have to get on with life as best we can. I hope you can get him to understand what you have to put up with. I have an ex that would not have it that it was all fibro and I was just lasy. She now feels so different about fibro after I gave her the book to read. Best Wishes Graham.


Colleen - June 28

Thank you all for responding.It really helps to talk to others with fibro.All of your answer are true and I pray one day he will really listen to me.I have given him reading material and he won't read it.I try talking to him,but I can tell it in one ear and out the other.And he does think I am lazy.If I try to take a short nap during the day he will shake the bed so I will wake up,tells me when the sink is clogged,even the garbage is for me.I know this is going to be the end of my marriage if something doesn't change soon.I almost feel like this is some form of abuse.He has even seen me crying in my sleep from the pain.And still thinks I am ok.Now I have fibro in my hands [ the last place I wanted it to go] so I have decided that I will do things that I am able to do and hope for the best.Maybe if he see's things not getting done he will figure it out.If not oh well.My sister lives next door and she does understand and she helps me with little massages,she knows right where to go and crunches the spasms for me.[And she has a brain stem tumor].So we help each other out.Thank God for her.Even my 3 year old grandson will ask if my arms hurt when I go to pick him up,so so sweet..Again thank you all.!!!


Chris - June 29

I hope you find some peace.


colleen - June 29

Thanks Chris I am sure I will find peace one day.My husband is an over the road truck driver,so when he goes out of town I do get some me time for awhile.And I am grateful for that.


Chris - July 6

Colleen, you say you have Fibro in your hands, what's that feel like? My hands have been bothering me for a long time now, and it's like someone has slammed them in a door sometimes. I was just checked for Carpal tunnel, and was told that I have that a little in my right hand. The doctor told me it shouldn't be causing the problem. I've been thinking it's Arthritis, but need to go back to the doctor to get it checked. I wonder how many of us have that? Take care.


colleen - July 10

Hi Chris...yes i do have it in my hands is worse in the morning.I just lay in bed until i can work it for the most part,although they hurt all day.of course it is mostly in joints,but I can sit and actually watch muscels jump,and jitter right near my thumb.I never had problems with my hands before so I just figure it is the fibro.oh,one more thing my hands go numb pretty often.It is quite frustrating.


loo78 - July 11

Hi Colleen.Im newly diagnosed myself. I feel for you so much - I really do. Im single, and up until recently was the party girl , up til the small hours , always on the go, parties, arranging everyone to go out. Im not half as bad as a lot of cases Ive read (thank heavens) ,however I did go to the pub on Saturday and had to sit after 5 minutes, which meant leaving the group we were talking to (because the stoools werent comfy and i needed a chair with a back). My friend I was with has been very supportive but shes the only one.Two of my best friends (married to each other) who I spent every weekend with - one of them knows and Im assuming he told his wife.I told him a few weeks ago and hes never mentioned it since, and im not even sure if his wife knows because i dont want to be as self indulgent to ask if she knows. The point im tring to make is people genuinely dont seem to know how to deal with it. NO clue whatsoever.My mum also knows(shes a nurse) yet still i feel lonely and isolated from the world. No one can understand fully I guess . Have you thought about putting it into a letter to your husband - full details, thoughts , how u feel, how much u need his support AND how close you are to breaking point if he doesnt give you his support? Its worth a try maybe ? Maybe print this off to show him how "desperate" you are for his love and understanding? I dont know what the answer is but i wish you well. Youre not alone in your suffering - thats important to remember.Sorry, im rambling - im just trying to help. Remember it could be worse - imagine if you had no friends or family at all - could you ask your sister to talk to him/ or another male friend? BEst of luck x


loo78 - July 11

Another thing to add- ive told a couple of friends and theyve greeted me with "silence". Nothing at all- and i end up changing the subject to something completely unrelated, not knowing if they understood what i said . What is that about?


Chris - July 12

Hi Colleen; My hands feel like I've been punching a wall or something. I don't believe they are actually swollen, but they do wake me lots in the night. I'm waiting to see my doctor again, I want to be checked for Spondylosis. I've got quite a bit of damage in my neck and lower spine. Thanks for the info. Take care.


colleen - July 14

Thank you 10078 for your suggestion,I have thought of writing him a letter.I would it if I thought he would read it.Even when i give him a card.birthday.anniversy and such,he just reads it and tosses it to the side.I have printed pages about this and he has never read them as far as I know.I am starting to not even care.I can't ask my sister to talk to him as she can't stand him and would not listen to her either.You are right about people not understanding.I believe I will always suffer alone.Fibro is a lonely diease.As for your friends silent greetings,I bet they just don't want to talk about the fibro.A lot of people I know are the same ,I pretty much gave up some of my friends because I can't do Alot of things I used to do,I just don't have the energy anymore,When they do ask and I try to explian you can tell they really aren't hearing everything.I think there is not enough public information.I have a friend that when she ask me what's wrong she started laughing and loudly too .I I knew this girl for about 30 years.Needless to say I don't intend to keep her friendship anymore.When you love someone,they should believe in you no matter what,love is unconditional.Except in my husbands case.He is condional.He won't help do anything but yet sit there and watch struggle with the garbage,dishes,laundry and such.He even tells me when the sink is colgged.Then has the nerve to ask me why I tired.....Good luck & God bless.Take care of yourself.


colleen - July 14

Hi Chris I am sorry to hear about your hands I know it hurts like hell.I can't even open a jar and things like that,simple things. I saw my doctor last week,and he said it is probably the fibro and to let him know if it gets any worse.I have never heard of spondylosis.If you could write back and let me know what is i would be gratefull.take care and I hope you find out what is.


jenny - July 15

colleen...just dump him.



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