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Who is this person that used to be me????
7 Replies
ptalana - October 4

I am havig a hard time accepting the changes to my life. My body has changed so much, I'm disfigured from the scoliosis, I can no longer walk without aid, I am no longer able to drive nor work. I seem to have lost me, and my husband has just about had it with this new me. This new me is very insecure and can't seem to accept all these changes. I feel guilty that I no longer bring in a paycheck, that I can't do anything for myself anymore. I force myself to keep up with the house, and am trying desperately to lose the thirty pounds I've gained since my accident. I've pretended for the past three years that what was happening to my body really wasn't. The pretending has stopped and now am trying to get used to these changes, it isn't easy!!!! I have a hard time believing that my husband still wants to be with me, even though he seems to put up with me. My hubby is a very outgoing friendly guy, and is always invited to parties. I feel so badly about my appearance and mobility issues that I no longer want to be social, I don't want anyone feeling pity for me. Even worse would be that they feel my hubby would be better off without me. My hubby's friends are all associated with his ex, and her family members. There was an incident where in a crowded chiro office his ex who walked in and discredited what I was experiencing. I told my hubby after that I would no longer associate with her, I need to be with people who are more supportive. In the past my hubby would go to these parties without me, but I'm having a hard time with it now. I'm afraid of him not wanting to put up with me anymore, and being told as much from his ex and thier friends. I guess it's time to see a psychologist and get a hold of what's happening and learn to live with this new me. Thanks for letting me vent, I hope you don't think too poorly of this selfish rant of mine.


Fantod - October 4

Patty - I think you were really brave to bare your soul like that. I think it would be helpful if you went and talked to a professional. Shame on your husband's ex for talking like that about you. She sounds like a very selfish person. Try to focus on the things that you can do as opposed to what you can no longer manage. Take care.


brooksidefarm - October 5

Ptalana - My heart goes out to you. There are a couple things that yoiu can do. First, pray. Talk with God. He loves you and knew you before you were born. You are not your body. He knows that so say what you need and ask for His help. The transformation of your heart will be greater than physical changes. Second, control what you can and do not worry about what you cannot. Read the book of Matthew 6:25-34. If you do not have a Bible, go to Though it is difficult, try to only focus on what you can do. For example, even when it is tough, you can smile. Do it enough and it gets easier. Your husband will see that. So what if you cannot go to a party? You can turn down the lights, light a candle and set out cold shrimp and a board game - have your own party. A paycheck is not the only - or most important thing in the home. What can you do? Do you like to cook? Mix a cake mix while sitting and bake it. Is it easiest to sit? Iron perfect creases in your husband's shirt or pants so he feels good at work. Pack him a lunch with a note inside about how you love him. I bet the first things that come to mind are not what he looks like. You cannot control what some fool says about your condition. You can send someone else an email that will make them feel good. Read the Bible. Write letters to people who mean something to you. Ask your husband why he married you in the first place and remember those things about yourself. Don't think about your weight, but how to best take care of yourself. Small meals seem to make fibros feel better. If you wear makeup, put it on in the morning and you will feel better. Take a warm bath to help you relax. Keeping up with the house is an absolute challenge. Break that down into smaller bites. Say, make sure dishes are washed each day and beds are made. Then, just one chore a day. Maybe washing towels one day, dusting another day, sorting and filing mail another day, preparing a menu and shopping list another. Make a schedule and do not worry about how much you used to do. If someone has to shop - OK. You will feel good if the list is ready. Have a map of the store brought to you and make the job easy for someone. Plan easy food to eat a week at a time, and have your husband help you prepare some of it on Saturday afternoon for the next week. A task as simple as chopping vegetables and fruit and making dip for snacks is good time together. You know yourself and your life, I am just giving examples. We have all been there. I live on 19 acres and cannot do anything anymore. No garden, no animals, no helping my husband. But I am learning that simply making changes like this over the past 6 months is showing me that I will be able to do some of those other things again. I have emptied closets and drawers and re-organized and labeled, stored in bins and bags, and gotten rid of furniture. This is now making it easier to take care of my home. You can adjust and get there. Let God help you, and stay online. Take care - I will pray for you.


axxie - October 5

Ptalana, I feel for you girl, know exactly how you feel, that is exactly how I felt this winter. First I spoke to my doctor and she was willing to listen. I was sent to the psychiatrist hospital. At first, I didn't want to talk, I was just so beside to me. Well they got me to talk, and they were willing to work with me, to feel better. Then medication came (yeah it was hard, trying to get used to medication that wasn't tweaked for me). Perserverance and I today, I am felling much better. I can wear make-up and I have energy to put clothes on. One day at a time, please take some time to talk to someone, but also get medication. Some will be prescribe for pain, others will be for your mental wellbeing. We are all here for you, please take one step and talk to your doctor, and tell him/her that you need help, that you can't cope and that you need to seek phych counsel.
We love you, sweatie, and we all rooting for you, so please take the first step and talk to your doctor and request that you need help. Don't be afraid, doctors can help you.

As for the ex, don't even bother with her petty remarks, she is still jealous that she lost him to you.


ptalana - October 5

Thanks everyone for your support and kindness, I don't know how I'd make it without you all!! Who else can relate better than those going thru the same things?
I used to be a make-up artist, so I do manage to try to look my best. I think I could do my face blindfolded ;) I have been doing a moderate pilates program at home to keep healthy and as active as possible. I also have a very strong faith and know that I've been guided and helped often.
Axxie, you know the crazy thing about my hubbies ex is she left him and is now living with his best friend!!! Both myself and my hubby were on our own for many years before we started seeing each other.
Thanks all once again for the advice and support!!!
Luv ya all, Patty


axxie - October 6

Patty, I had to write again, and tell you, you are one brave soul to have bear all this hurt emotions. You took the time to write about your feelings and that shows how a wonderful person you are and that you are one brave person.

I know you can put up a brave face when needed and I know you will go one, and that if you have to put on a smile you will also wink for good measures.

I presume you have available treatments typical for scoliosis, bracing (that's not easy, wearing it almost 24 hours a day, except for showering. Surgery, but not for everyone. Some systoms can be lessened with physical therapy, massage and some mild form of exercise. But again, it cannot be easy.

You have a wonderful husband, who accepts you the way you are. As you know, men are doers, and a lover. He is with you because he loves you, never forget that and just bask in his love. Enjoy every moment you are with him. It will help you enjoy life little moments.

I wish you well my dear Patty and remember you are loved by your husband. Wear a smile, to remember the love you each have for each other. I give you peace, and heart full of love. Remember to carry it with you.



FibroGal - October 6

Patty, I, too, appreciate your willingness to share. I think not only is it helpful for you to share, it is helpful to us to hear. I can't help but wonder: what is your husb's response to his ex's overt display of bad behavior and gross lack of understanding? Anyway, I think it is a good idea to find a professional to talk to. I don't know what Id do without my psychologist. And he gives feedback and offers Solutions, he doesn't just nod his head and go, "Mmm hmmm.". That's the kind of support you need.

My first marriage was abusive. It brought out the worst in me. Sometimes I think the constant physical and emotional stress of that situation is what caused the fibro.

So how do you like Pilates? I wish I could get into that. I was intrigued to hear you are a makeup artist. That is awesome. I used to model and wish I could get back into it. I also wish I could go back to college. I only have Seven courses left to get my sheepskin. :)

Brookside, I liked your response. You offered up some very important advice that I could certainly use, too. Thank you.

Well, please keep posting, Patty, as believe me we are all in this together. We need the advocacy. I hope you find a professional who gives you The support you need.



brooksidefarm - October 6

Hang in there everyone!



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