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Suffering - November 15

Thank You for sharing you have encouraged me to confront my own feelings. My prayers go out to you!
I have had FM for what I believe to be almost 11 months now and have been researching (after being diagnosed) FM for almost 5 months.
I am a 42-year-old woman on the verge of a mental breakdown.
I am having such a hard time living life and dealing with my stress and anxiety problems.
I am not a stupid or lazy person I have owned my own business for 13 years owned and have shown horses for more then 30.
In August of 2002 I lost my husband who was only 36 to suicide (pain related).
I have undergone treatment for and still have PTSD and have also been diagnosed with OCD.
I also lost my first husband in 1994 to an auto accident.
I moved to this area in September of 2003 to try and start a new life. In July of 2004 I tripped and fell at a local furniture store herniated a disc in my neck and tore the cartilage in my shoulder. I had surgery to the shoulder and spent a total of 15 months in re-hab 3 days a week.
I started gaining weight roughly 20+ pounds after the surgery so I changed my diet to as close to a well balanced diet as I could and lost most of the weight slowly.
During re-hab I estimate as early as January of 2005 I kept complaining of increased pain spreading through out my body.
In May of 2005 I took a 3 hour a day job instructing children how to ride horses most of the job simply required walking, the pain increased from the tip of my toes to the tip of my nose I did not give up and went everyday no matter what the pain.
I have a Chiropractor, Orthopedic surgeon, physiatrist, family practitioner, and psychologist and now am going for massage.
The pain has moved from my neck and shoulders and consumes my whole body my neck, shoulders, elbows, hands, my mid back, lower back, hips thighs, knees, calves, ankles, and feet even my scalp and my face and teeth and I also have dizzy spells and migraine headaches. My whole body feels like I have arthritis and severe muscle pain.
I do have support from my family and boyfriend but I am barely making it though because of the amount of pain that I deal with every single day and the extreme fatuige.
I don't have insurance because I don't have a job and don't have a clue how I would hold one down... I can't stand for very long or sit for very long I can’t stay awake and who knows when the migraines or headaches will appear not to mention concentrating or the unbearable pain or trying to drive.
I can't concentrate my mood swings are terrible I’m ready to snap all the time.
I am now taking 15 pills per day: Naproxen, Aspirin, Atacand, Niaspan, Flexril, Xanax, Multi-Vitamins and 2 new ones I can not afford (contacting the doctor because of the cost) Cymbalta and Lunesta but I am still suffering from pain.
It takes me 3-4 hours to do simple housework, it’s hard when I want to sit and write and I can only sit for 20 minutes without the pain shooting somewhere and the same goes for standing and walking.
My boyfriend tells me I do not like to do anything anymore and he tells people it takes an act of Congress to get me off the couch. I do get up every morning at 6:30 even if I only get 3 hours sleep because of pain I usually nap in the day because I am always so tired.
My boyfriend’s mother was here for 1 week she is 74 and even she commented how much better she gets around then I do!
Even just sitting in the car (stopping and going and bumps) kills me but I have learned to just deal with it.
I only drive on days that I feel I can safely operate a vehicle due to pain and concentration.
It is very hard to live and function on pain pills that put me to sleep all the time.
I know I left out other problems but I can only look at this for so long without getting depressed and ticked off wanting my life back.



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