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Needing a good cry....
8 Replies
inpainandirritated - August 31

This is my second post have been doing a lot of reading all over this site. Really am glad I found it. I have gone on other ones and never joined because the feel was wrong. This one seems like it fits me. Not sure what I am thinking with all I've read, think its just too much to absorb. But I do know that I do feel like crying. Have to hold it in my husband,who works midnights is working 12 hrs to make ends meet cuz I lost my job 6 months ago due to Fibro. I was a MA in an Ob/Gyn office. My oldest daughter, 6, is off to school. My 3 yr old daughter and 2 yr old son are playing in the girls room. My oldest son, just about 21 is lying around in his room. Waiting on GED results, if he doesn't pass, 3rd time around, I have to kick him out. My mother-in-law, who now lives with us, is dependent on me to take care of her medical and basic needs. The only one I do not worry about too much is my 18 yr old son who has started college 2 weeks ago. My pain is prolly around a 4-5 right now but no guarantee that it will stay that way. sometimes, like now, feels like toooo much to handle. And there is nothing I can do, like so many of us but to just keep on going. This illness sucks!!!!! It breaks you down and leaves you with nothing. Trying not to sound pitiful, just needing to let it out with women who know what I am going thru. Who understand. My husband is wonderful and tries to learn all he can about it and is always concerned with how I am doing but he also has so much on his plate that I almost feel guilty about needing him so much. He is the only one who knows how bad it gets for me. He will just hold me and let me bawl. I guess right now I just need a good cry, ;( I kinda feel alone have lost most of my friends from work...out of sight out of mind thing going on there.So there really isn't anyone else. I Thank you for reading my story and any comment would be greedily consumed. ;) Now it is time to shower and wash the stink of weakness (lol) off and put back on my positive face. Thanks again for any and all responses.


mm30 - August 31

my god your story is heart breaking you sound very depressed/ frustrated and i think a cry is a good idea for you to let off some steam. if i want to cry i'll cry and i'm learning that its nothing to be ashamed about. you sound like you have taken everyones problems on board along with your own.
You sound like you are being very hard on yourself (correct me if im wrong) i treat myself in the same way.
everything that goes wrong in my life i take it as a direct hit and completely blame myself. logically i know its not true but when you feel as low as that, its hard to change minds set.

i talk to a councilor. i love her she is an unbelievable person and has helped me so much. i count the days down to when we meet. unfortunatley because its a volunteering organisation i go to, my sessions are coming to an end. i am so glad though that i was brave enough to make the call and admit the weakness.

she tells me first and formost to remember to breath. right down into my stomache. most of us dont breath properly and you know when you focus on it and let it travel right down you can get a really elated feeling. then whatever feelings you are feeling at time usually come with it. i sometimes will have a cry but better out than in as they say.

you are a lucky woman in the way that you sound like you have a very supportive husband. some partners with loved ones who are suffering can feel very hard done by and feel the victum. he sounds wonderful. i'm sure you would care for him and offer him the same support if it was him who was unwell. for better for worse right?

i do understand that you want to spare the feelings of your younger children but i think the older ones (young adults) need to know that you need help even if its helping out around the house.
if its anything like my family the boys get away with ALOT chores wise etc.

you are strong if you can admit you need an extra hand and not weak.

well done for writing the post i know its not easy to contiously write down your feelings and press the post comment button.

i hope this gives you some comfort (im sure i meant to write more but i have serious memory problems these days)

everyone in here is so so helpful so keeping writing if it helps you.

all the best



Fantod - August 31

inpainandirritated- You have a lot on your plate to deal with these days. Between being ill yourself and all of the family issues, it is no wonder that you feel like crying. And deservedly so. Thank God your husband is understanding about how overwhelmed that you feel. We have quite a few people on this board (myself included) who either have spouses that have no empathy whatsoever or have left the marriage due to the stress of dealing with chronic illness.

I know money is tight. It is for most people these days. I'd like to gently suggest that you try to find a low cost counselor through an agency like United Way. Catholic Social Services offers counseling in my area and you don't need to be Catholic to use it. They have a sliding fee scale. Based upon your circumstance, it could be free, $10.00 or more. Many of us (myself included) see someone for extra support.

If you are no longer able to work and have underlying issues such as depression, you should be eligable for Social Security Disability. Go online and find the website for Allsup. Register and they'll call you to set up an interveiw time. If you qualify, they should have you signed up in about 6 months. Allsup does all of the paperwork for you. They take 25% of any back pay (standard fee no matter how you do this) and nothing if you don't win. I used them and I have a friend that used them. Both of us had very positive experiences. Everyone that I spoke to at Allsup was very nice and patient. This is the fastest method I know of to qualify for SSD. Using a lawyer can take years and you have to go in front of an uninterested judge. Doing it yourself is impossible. I think that if you can gain some semblance of cotrol over your own destiny you'll feel a lot better. This would be one way to that.

You may have lost your friends from work but you have them here. And, the added bonus that we "get" how you feel. Welcome again and hang in there. We are all rooting for you.


inpainandirritated - August 31

The wonderful support that you women have shown me have made it difficult to see the keys on the keyboard. I usually share my tears with my husband, Bill, who by the way is right next to me as we speak. I have been to counseling and have been taught to do the breathing exercises and I have learned not to be hard on myself and the hardest of all to know that I cannot do it all anymore. I have accepted my limitations. My older boys actually do the house cleaning and help with laundry and the younger kids. My mother-in-law also helps with the kids when she is having a good day. She has problems with memory and depression which are possibly related as her brain scan came back normal. So I do have help but there are days when I just want to rage at the unfairness of it all. I know that logically it isn't my fault or anyone else but sometimes I can't help it. So maybe the anti-depressant that I am on isn't the right one for me. I was on Lexapro for about a year and I liked it but because I couldn't take Lyrica anymore they had to switch me. Lexapro I was told I could only take with Lyrica. But oh well I called a pain specialist, and am waiting for a call back, since my rheumy does not like to give pain meds. At the present I am only on Effexor...even with all the problems that come with this illness. I am saddened by your stories and feel very grateful that Bill is by my side. Your spouse(s) should be shot for their lack of understanding and just plain selfishness. They do not deserve you for I believe that any person who can deal with type of illness is a very special person indeed. I am so thankful to have women like you on my side. I really have to laugh becuz my husband is on the computer for this car forum, and I am always getting on him. He told me to try finding one for Fibro and I shrugged it off saying "I'm not into being on the computer" now look at me. :)) I feel like I've found my home away from home. Thank you very much for that.


inpainandirritated - August 31

I also wanted to say that I have found Midwest Disability, found on the SS website. Their lawyers have said that they think they can win my case. I have hired them with the same conditions as yours, 25% if they win and nothing if they don't and no more that 6,000 whichever is less. So I have sent my papers in and am waiting for the decision. As for counseling I am one the few who actually has very good insurance thru my husband. I am able to see a mental health specialist for just a co-pay of 15$ and no limit of visits. I prolly should look into finding one but am hesitant becuz finding one that you are compatible with is not easy. the one I had seen prior was ok but no click if u kno what I mean. any suggestions on finding one in my area??


Fantod - August 31

Try calling calling your local hospital physician referral service. Ask them if they can make a recommendation to a counselor who specializes in chronic illness. You can also use Google. Enter the name of your metro area, counseling and chronic illness and see what pops up.

I'm glad to hear that you are looking into SSD. However, I doubt the law firm you are using is going to get you approved in 6 months. I'd certainly ask them that question. Incidentally, I have no ties to Allsup other than as a user. Most people that I have spoken to that have used a lawyer have waited years or finally got to a hearing only to be rejected by the judge overseeing the case. Personally, I'd rather use the shortest route possible and avoid the stress.

Take care.


inpainandirritated - September 1

Thanx for the advice about finding a counselor. As for Allsup it sounds like the same thing as Midwest just for my area. Hopefully it won't take forever, but I guess I don't have much choice. One day at a time, right? Incidentally how long did u have to wait?


dellybelly - September 1

hi, when i need to cry it usually happens when i'm in bed. manage to get through the day but switch off the lighht and that is it so i can understand how you feel. I think with this illness when you have other problems to cope with it becomes overwhelming. I'm sure you'll get through it. It sounds as if your husband really cares. I can understand what you mean about losing friends. I am concerned that I will lose my job and know isolation from friends and colleagues will be more than I can bear. Take care, stay strong. You are not alone


Fantod - September 1

With Allsup (which is nationwide and based in IL)I was approved in 6 months. They have a 98% success rate. I hope that the outift you have hired is equally as efficent. I'm sure we will be chatting soon about one thing or another. Take care.



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