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my pain dr tries to B.S his way thru our appts!
8 Replies
Kaia-angel - October 27

So I thought it was a great thing that I found a pain mgmt dr who's own wife suffers from fibro... HUGE MISTAKE! So not only is she able to work, but aparently meditation & soft touch on her skin make her pain less. I've seen him for 5 months and take 50mg amitriptiline at night, flexeril at night and a whopping 7.5mg lortab only 2xs a day... I told him one doesn't work and on the 1 day it sis a little it was only for 4 hours. He says that pain meds are a last source.. well I've been through all the "miracle fibro drugs" and they've done nothing. Yes amitriptiline works but I've taken thatbsince I was diagnosed.
Ok so I had a beautiful baby girl on jan 27, she passed away on the 31st of jan because of a diapragmatic hernia causibg her stomach & part of her liver to be in her chest, totally reducing the space her lungs needed to develop. My fiancee & I were told we had to take her off the nachine keeping her alive.. ok so after this I've been sad, but getting better. My dr tells me that if I exercise and thinl positive and tell myself I'm not in pain then I'll be great! I tell him I can't be happy b/c I'm still greiving my daughter...
HE HAD THE NERVE TO TELL ME I NEED TO GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON! I Asked if I could take pain meds more than 2xs a day and he says no b/c there's "protocol" for fibro patients and that narcotic are last resort and not helping the pain... I wanted to yell at him and say if his child died then would he want someone to say get over it? And we are chronic pain patients.. it deserves aggressive treatment. I know narcotics help my pain which helps my mood & happinbess. Also helps my IBS.. I'm not going back to him but I want him to know the things he said to me were way out of line... what should I do? Sorry for ranting.. I just can't imagine telling someone to get over the loss of their child.. especially when it was 7 months ago and I was crying hard before he said it! He always brings her up.. jerk


Fantod - October 27

I am so sorry to read your comments. The loss of a child is something that no one ever really gets over. The doctors comments were more than a little out of line. Report him in writing to your insurance company and also to the hospital he is affiliated with. Be very specific and clear about the nature of your complaint.

His treatment plan leaves a lot to be desired. Just because his wife responds to certain things doesn't mean other FMS patients will too. He is a callous idiot. I think that the sooner you write your letters, the better you'll feel about the situation. Once you've done that and mailed them, try to make a conscious effort to let that incident go. You have enough to handle without adding his poor medical care and attitude to your list. I hope that you are able to find some peace in your life and a better pain management specialist. Take care and God Bless.


jrzgirl1 - October 27

I am so very sorry for your loss. I would dump that doctor fast, he has no compassion and should not even be a "doctor" and I use that term lightly
my sympathy's to you and your family


axxie - October 27

I to am sorry for your loss. Especially the loss of a child, such a little angel to have passed away, so early in life.

The doctor's comments where way out of line, on this one, I would sight with Fantod, and write a letter to your insurance company, start writing and look at the letter in a few days, and try to clear up your letter.

It's a nice excercize to do, it helps to relief that pent up anger you have within you. As time goes by, maybe a few more days, try it again. What you want to achieve is to let the emmotion go and just state the facts and at the end, put in a little bite into it, that they understand the situation.

I have done it often, where I felt someone had belittle me and what I found, that by writing the comments to how I had been treated, it took away the anger and as time progress I was able to get a nice worded letter and was able to get my point accross. It's also a tension reliever, because you are getting your emotions out in the open.

I truly feel for you, but reading the post again and again, I feel that maybe what you are going through is the loss of your baby daughter, your angel and that you are trying to get pain medication because your body is screaming pain, but it's all attributed to how you are feeling.

I would sight with the doctor on holding out on the pain medication, for two things, a) I beleive what you are going through even though it's been 7 months, is the loss of your daughter and you are not coping well. You might be able to work and play nice when you meet people and when your mind is engage, you are able to forget the sad part, it keeps your mind, not to think of what has happened in the past.

What I would do, is go seek a councellor and talk about your feelings, go with your fiance, and talk openly with what you are feeling, I believe you haven't had the chance to do this. The councellor is there to help you talk about it, by releasing some of this anger for loosing your baby girl, and talking about it, helps you release your pain from loosing someone you loved so much and some anger.

The second thing, is I am afraid my dear girl that you maybe going through a depression from the death of baby angel.

As for the doctor seeing you crying and you asking for strong meds, would tell him, not to give it to you. Rightly so, because you can self medicate and as time would pass you would be asking for yet stronger pain medication, but it would never be enough.

In fact I truly beleive you need to see your gp, hopefully she or he will understand, and maybe put you on something to help you morn the loss of your baby girl but also to help you not be so sensitive to other people's callous remark.

I wish you the best my dear girl, take the time to see the light that you are in mourning and that you have to take the time to mourn her. That no matter the pain pill you take, it will never be enough for you. Self medication works to help you with pain, but not emotional pain, at one point down the road that pain will return with a vengeance and when it does you will fall twice as hard, and it will be twice has hard to get up again to fight the world.

I know the pain is a factor, but I'm really feeling that you need a few councelling sessions, to help you pass the mourning. If by then the councelling has helped you and you are still feeling the angst of fibro pain, then seek medical help for your pain.

At least the new doctor who will treat you, will not feel that you are trying to self medicate.

There other treatments out there that could help you, and I do think you can find caring doctor who can help you with pain management.

Call your insurance company, maybe they know of someone you could try, I'm sure they get calls about how they are performing.

Good luck to you and your fiance.


bernieg - October 29

Hi kaia-angel
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you're feeling because I too have lost a daughter, 3 days after she was born, RIP, it was devestating. Even though it was 24 years ago I feel like it was yesterday. I was young at the time, around 20, and things were different then. My mother told me not to go to the funeral because I was so upset and to forget about it,like a fool I listened to her, I regret that so much now. I got pregnant very soon after and would you believe I had my son 1 year to the day my daughter was born. Life was hard then and I went through a very dificult time when he was born because I wanted a girl, to make up my loss I suppose, I know now you can never do that.I didn't bond with him as I could have, that took time. I adore him now, he is 23. Anyway, getting back to the point, I didn't grieve for my daughter because I was occupied with getting pregnant with my son and my daughter who is 21 now.I was diagnosed with FMS about a year ago having suffered for years. As part of my treatment I went to a counceller, which I'm still attending, and I am working through my feelings. I told him I never grieved for my daughter, I didn't know how. He said it takes at least 2 years of grief to come to terms with a loss. I was 2 busy to grieve.I am now going to a Biodynamics Phsycotherapist and we are working through it and after the session she gives me a gentle massage, lovely.
Sorry for going on but what I'm trying to say is, give yourself time to grieve, it's only natural you feel the way you do. I think it would be of great benifit to you to see someone whom you can talk to.Also talk to your partner about yer loss because they can sometimes get left out, he has to grieve aswel.
I am taking 100mg of Amitriptaline at night, which have been a godsend because I find if you sleep well tou can cope better the next day. I also take up to 8 Tramadol a day. Everyday I'm in pain but most of the time I can cope.
So, be gentle with yourself. Please take care. I will talk to you any time you want.

Bernie G x


Stacey373 - October 29

Hi Kaia-angel - I've been thinking about this since I first read all the posts yesterday. I have to disagree with Axxie. I think you are in so much pain because you have fibro...which you had before the stuff happened with your daughter. Of course, depression will make you feel worse and have more pain. I think maybe your doctor is thinking the same thing Axxie said and that's why he won't give you any more pain medication.

My advice is to first seek a counselor so you can talk about your daughter and do the "proper" grieving that you need to do. I don't think you will ever "get over it", but there are ways to deal with your loss and be able to go on with your life. It's possible that once you start dealing with the depression you will start feeling a little better.

But I think you also need to find a new doctor who will treat your Fibro problems. Obviously this doctor thinks that ALL fibro sufferers are exactly like his wife. A new doctor who understands this illness will be able to help you relieve the symptoms better than what this doctor is doing or telling you.

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find a way to deal with this and your health problems. Take Care, Stacey :o)


duhda75 - October 30

Hi Kaia-Angel
I would have to definitely agree with Stacy373. I also believe you probably had FMS before the loss of your daughter. I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your daughter. But, I feel that a counsler would help tremendously in the healing process of your lost daughter.

And, I would most definitely look into getting another pain mgmt Dr. One who is more compasionate. Good luck to you.


mypain - October 31

I am sorry about your loss. Seeking someone to talk to is a great option. They can help you get through your grieving process. I lost my mom in Dec and I can tell you it is hard. The only way I get through it is by reminding myself that God needed her as an angel.

I would take one diagnosis at a time. You need to get plenty of rest, exercise, eat right, lots of fruit and vegetables. Get counseling, find a new doctor and things will progress in the right direction for you.

I can tell you that my sister has MS. I took her to see her bladder doctor to see what we could do about her bladder spasms and leakage around her cath. We asked if there was another option for her as she is leaking all over her self. He stated there were several surgery options but before he did anything he wanted to know how much longer she had to live. Well we do not know how much longer she has to live and for him to have asked or refer to the fact that he didn't want us to waste his time if she wasn't going to live for an extended period of time, is nothing short of wrong. Some doctors do not have great bed side manner, but I would encourage you to find a doctor who understands FM. Doctors who don't understand, really do not know what to do with us.

Good Luck and keep us posted.



kvc33 - November 1

I am so sorry that you lost your beloved child. Perhaps a support group for grieving parents would help you as only others who have gone through the same thing can really understand. You said that you are making some progress with your grief, keep working on healing and believe that you can be happy again. Happiness comes in waves, and as time goes on you will have more good times than bad. Have you read any books about the steps you can take towards healing?



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