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My girlfriend wont get out of bed! HELP!
6 Replies
HairyGringo - November 16

My grilfriend was recently diagnosed with Fibro... she has struggled getting out of bed, anxiety, pain etc. for a while, but always got on with it (just about).

Now she's been diagnosed she thinks it is ok to sleep 12 hours every day - she is starting to miss lectures at uni, but will go out at night twice a week too. I am so worried.

What can I do? I have tried being supportive and waking her gently - now I am trying the opposite and being hard on her - nothing works!


islandguy - November 16

Hi HairyGringo: Possibly it is the medications that your girlfriend is on. Do you know what the dr. has prescribed her? They can make you sleepy and not want to get out of bed......Chronic pain patients have to go through 5 stages when diagnosed .
--- 1.)Shock and Denial
-- 2) Anger
- 3) Bargaining
- 4) Depression
-5) Acceptance
-The acceptance part is the hard one...knowing your life will never be what it was.
If your girl friend has been diagnosed properly, by a rhematologist, then she will be in the early stages of grieving. It is important for you to be supportive, encouraging, and gentle. Remember, it is the "oh, but you don't look sick" disease. We all look healthy (most of the time) but we are dealing with a lot of pain and emotions on the inside. Sounds to me that she is still in the denial stage and she still has a long path in front of her. Hang in there....and remember "gentle hugs". Take care and best of will be worth it at the end.


tnichel - November 16

Hi islanguy. I never heard about the 5 stages. I was wondering if you can explain the bargaining one. I think I just passed the anger staget but haven't had time to go and talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Right now I'm just taking it day to day and haven't fully dealt with the emotions that came after the diagnosis.


islandguy - November 16

Hi trichel: The 5 stages of grief are felt when there is a loss of something or someone. HairyGringo will also have to go through the 5 stages with his girlfriend as you can see he is in one of the stages now. - - - The Bargaining stage is simply trying to make a deal with God.....I will do anything to have this go away. It could be --- change my lifestyle, be more loving to my spouse, start going to church, donating to charities, etc. etc. -- It's a try for plea bargaining to regain your situation back to where it was.- - - Depression .....normally follows the bargaining stage. I can't do this anymore....why me...etc.
The acceptance is the hardest one of all. Accepting your life as it is now......not the way you knew it before. It is always good to surround yourself with positive people and supportive people. Sometimes that isn't family......! --People with chronic symptoms and pain KNOW what we are going through. Once again,,,, it's the " But you don't look sick" syndrome. How many times have you heard that one. In the meantime you are in a flare and feel like you have the mother of all flus. -- I hope this helped and didn't confuse you....take care, Emotions are strong through this whole ordeal...but there are people here that sincerely care ! Keep posting it is good to express what you are feeling.....Ever so slowly...


Gabbie - November 17

I think islandguy's last post to you explaining the "stages" of fibro pretty much says it all. Once your girlfriend is able to get through the stages, she will be able to begin life again, although not necessarily in the same way before fibro. I am sure you are supportive and believe me, she really needs that from you and others in her life. Finding a good rheum who works with fibro patients is also very important. If she is open to the idea of sharing or even looking at this forum, maybe you could encourage her to read the many posts here. This is a place where she can go to, where she can share with others than suffer with the same thing. That is so important to fibromyalgia patients to know that they are not alone. I wish you the best.


JoniB - November 22

Hi HairyGringo, I didn't know if u saw this post according to your last comment on duplicate thread. It is gr8 that you are supporting her. Yes, Valium seems extreme. I wish the Dr's would give me some of that or Morphine! lol Take care and have a good holiday season! Joni


HairyGringo - November 22

Fantastic! Thank you all for responding!... I hadn't realised a duplicate thread and thought noone had taken an interest... to be honest, I am feeling really helpless right now, and really need the advice.

I am one of these people "if my legs haven't been cut off I´ll get to work", so what works for me when I am ill just isnt the right way for her and this illness - so I just don't know what to do!

The "Diapezam" really seems to much, but speaking to the Doc, he says it's the best thing for relaxing the muscles - regardless of the fact my gf feels stoned while on it, and further down when it's wearing off... she's justgoing into exams, so she is doing it med free (except some herbal liquids and a type of pain killer you buy over the counter).

I'll look into a good rheum - we live in Buenos Aires, so I am not sure how, but I will find a way!



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