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It never ends
4 Replies
tnichel - March 5

I got a chest x-ray back in november. Well they found a spot in my right arm/dhoulder area that they wanted another x-ray of. Well I guess the letter got mixed in with my brother's stuff and I didn't see it until last week. It sent me straight into a panic/anxiety attack. (Mostly b/c I misread the results and thought I had cancer, then couldn't find anything on the web.)

My results came in this week. It's a benign bone tumor that's too deep to operate on. Apparently that's why I have more pain in that arm than the left. I'm glad it's not cancer or anything like that but it never ends. I feel like a freak of nature b/c of all the odds conditions and illnesses I've had over the years.

The panic/anxiety attack really scared me. I couldn't breathe, felt like I was going to vomit, my head was spinning and my hands wouldn't stop shaking. It was horrible. I ended up calling my pain doc b/c I had to work and I was in pieces. The meds did help calm me. Now I'm just waiting for the flare to show up.

I'm becoming even more leery about taking pain meds because fibro can mask other issues. (like the uti I had forever but just thought the urgency to go was just fibro. Wrong!!! (Talk about being embarassed for not catching it.)

Anywho, I wanted to pass this along. The tumor is rare and not likely to show up elsewhere in my body. Just keep in mind not all of your symptoms may be fibro-related. I guess that's where having a good doctor you trust comes into play. I still have to see an orthopedic surgeon to confirm what the radiologist's diagnosis.

I'm just emotionally spent and numb right now. I've totally shutdown. I don't know how I feel about anything anymore. I never would have thought my health would give me so many worries. Talk about life not happening as you dreamt it.

I was gone for a while b/c I was on vacation. I ended up getting a lecture from my parents b/c I only went out once that week. I was so tired and was trying to recover from working a lot of overtime. I know I should do more and have more fun but I never feel up to anything. nevermind the fact that my family still doesn't understand fibro. They think if I sound good then I'm not in any pain and doing well. No, I'm just tired of talking about it and have gotten really good at ignoring it. But anyway, my mom made a statement that proved they don't get it. I love them to death but they have no idea what fibro really does to you. Sorry, I know this is long. I had a lot I wanted to say and pass along you my fellow fibro buddies.

I know I'm depressed right now. All my friends have officially dropped by the way side. No one ever calls to check on me. I don't bother mentioning my health b/c they seem to not know how to deal with me. So I'm really lonely in my daily life but I don't mind being alone. I don't think it's good to spend so much time by yourself. I don't get it. It's just frustrating. I have a lot to be thankful for but this week I'm just tired of fighting. Heck, it's amazing I haven't gone insane yet. lol. However, I do think my driver's license should be revoked. I can't get in a car without losing it b/c of stupid drivers. Even when I'm on the pasenger's side! I have to meditate at stoplights! lol.

:) A smile goes a long way. Don't forget to smile.


Lee2010 - March 6

I'm so sorry that you're going through this without a support network of friends. If they are true friends they would want to know how fibro affects you and what they can do to help. I, too, saw myself becoming a hermit, but my friends won't let me. They call and offer to bring lunch to me and just hang out. They set up lunch dates with me hoping that I feel well enough to go - and if I have to cancel, they are absolutely fine with it. Have you had chats with them about the syndrome and how it affects you? And what they can do to help you out? I'm thinking about you and hoping you can work things out and get your friends back. I saw myself getting close to becoming a hermit during the day, but am so glad my friends won't let me. I'm a people person and I know that eventually I would have gone completely crazy. As far as thinking you should have your DL revoked - I can definitely understand that! I have always had a short fuse with bad drivers, but my fuse has gotten shorter during the last year. How some people are allowed to be out on the roads is beyond me. Hang in there and know that you aren't alone. There are an awful lot of us out there who get it. :)


iliveinpain - March 6

Yes, it's very hard to deal with this. Lots of times I find comfort here on this site, cause we all share this thing, and we all get it and offer support. Whenever you're down and looking for help, just log on here, chances are you're going to find a friend here to help get you thru it :)


Noca - March 6

I know what its like to have benign tumors as well as what its like to suffer from depression.

I have about 50 bone tumors throughout my skeleton. They, (with fibro?) keep me in daily pain as nerves get caught, soft tissue trauma occurs, inflammation etc.

And I don't think I need to describe what depression feels like as I know you know.

Im glad you can still smile. We are always here if you need us. Hang in there.


ptalana - March 6

Hi tnichel, I'm so sorry that you're going through so much right now. You are so right in not knowing what is related to fibro and what could be something not related and potentially serious. I've spoken to my pcp about this concern, he really didn't say anything. At times I feel like I'm just bothering him, and that I should just automatically assume everything is fibro related.
I can relate to not having supportive friends, and most of my family don't even ask how I'm doing. Luckily my hubby and kids make up for this.
You are so right when you say how life can lead you on a path that you would never dream of. Being able to smile says a great deal as to how strong you are.
Remember we're always here for you anytime, and that you're never alone.
Sending you gentle hugs, Patty



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