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I'm losing my mum
4 Replies
white chocolate - July 9

It's such a long time since I've posted on the forum. I know when I'm able to come here, the support here is always wecoming and good.
I'm going to try & start at the start. It may be a long one!
My fther passed away suddenly in 1983 when I was 17. I married at 18, had my daughter at 21. My marriage ended that same year.That year,my mum remarried..he was my dads(long lost) brother, my uncle.What started out as a happy relationship, turned into one where my mum was shouted at constantly,put down at every oppuntunity,estranged from her family.He was very mentally abusive and mum was totally trapped. This was her life for the past 24years. She is 71yrs. The past few years mums spoken of her unhappiness with me via email as it's the only way we can speak to each other without him knowing or given her a hard time.Last year we began talking of the possability of her leaving him and in February she said the time had come & we would seek help.Within weeks of this mum was told she had cancer in her kidney and the kidney was removed in early March. Tearfully she told me this would stop her from leaving him as she would be too ill. Days after her kidney removal, she told me she did not want to return home to be shouted at & abused any more. I immediately got help involved whilst she was in a place of safety & I knew he couldn't harm her. To cut a painful & long tale short, I have got mum rehomed and the passed few weeks have been her happiest with family around her constantly. Today she lays in a hospice having been told the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes & lungs. We were told she had a month left, which has now passed & they now say, weeks at most.
To have got my mum back after so much unhappiness & to have her so cruely snatched away just as everything is going right for her is so hard to take. I'm truely broken.


Pikespeak - July 9

I am so sorry for your sadness! Isn't it wonderful that she has had your support through these difficult years! Can you make her last weeks special and memorable? Is it possible to celebrate the good things? Have you a tape recorder to capture stories of the family (in her own voice)? What questions have never been asked?

You see, I lost my mother to cancer when she was 51. I was 20. So many years that we could have shared--and how she would have adored her granddaughters and ggrandchildren!

So do what you can to enjoy what time you have together! When she knows that you have resolved in your heart that it is her time to go, she will also have an easier time in passing. Hugs to you!


Pikespeak - July 9

Oh, and one more thing...take your vitamins during this stressful time (multi-vitamin, B-complex and vitamin C)! Stay away from sugar, caffeine and processed foods! Actually, this regimen would be good advice for the whole family!


January - July 9

white chocolate - I'm so sorry for your situation. And I'm sorry your mum endured abuse for so long before she got herself out of it. It's a very sad tale. The one bright note is that she is in a safe place with people who love her as she leaves this world. We all reach that time when it is time to go, and it's good that your mum is not in an abusive, unhappy setting. Instead, she has you and she has some peace and comfort for her final days. You have done her a great service helping her to get out of the bad situation. As you said, the past few weeks have been happy for her.

I know you will miss her terribly, but right now you can do a lot for her by being around to let her know she is loved, even if she is not really conscious, talk to her, and stroke her head, hold her hand. Make sure you watch the others who take care of her so she is well attended to, and please, make sure she has all the pain medicine she needs, especially if she can't speak up for herself. Sometimes even hospitals are not good about treating pain - when someone is dying, they should be comfortable. This is just so hard, no easy way around it. God bless.


snapdragon79 - July 10

dear white chocolate, I have just been reading your post with tears in my eyes...I feel for you right now and am so sorry to hear how cruely your beautiful mother has been treated. I know we have never met, but I send you all the love in the world right now and are thinking of you. just be there with her as much as you can and treasure the time, I hope she is comfortable and Im sure she knows how much she is truely loved, God Bless and take care xox



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