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Getting tired of Doctors NOT listening
13 Replies
jrzgirl - January 24

I broke my right foot and small toe on Jan,3 09, since then I have been getting worse, I have osteoporsis but no one can help diagnois the problems I am having. It started 2 mon after I broke my foot.My right foot started turning colors, especially after taking a warm shower, shades of red,blue. He said it was normal for lack of using my right foot(he put me in a cam walker, it still persisted and yet the same answer, then the pain really kicked in(the fracture healed slowly but healed) then he blamed it on osteoporosis,(then the same thing started to happen to my left foot) I saw a foot Dr. who order PT and to see a pain management Dr, I went to PT, the foot Dr wanted to rule out RSD, pain doctor said possible RSD but maybe Myofacial Pain syndrome, to update this quicker, I now have oain all over my body, my feet are freezing cold, even with 3 pair of socks and a heating pad. I went to a rheumatologist, they did tons of blood work, the office called and said I was recovering from Epstein-Barr,the symptoms I have is not of EB, I have not yet seen the DR, only the nurse praticioner, when I saw her, she mentioned Raynauds, now I have so much pain but cannot get dx. I have an appointment to see the real Dr on March 5, I called the office to ask her assistant what the Dr thought of my blood test results, I was told she would not comment until she see's me. My hands, feet are freezing, pain in muscles,bones, I was told to wrap my feet in ace bandages and elevate them until I see her, sorry this is so long but I am ready to give up, NO SUPPORT from my husband at all, I am in this by myself, any suggestions or comments will be greatly welcomed. I do not know what is wrong with me.


jrzgirl - January 24

just give up I suppose


Fantod - January 24

jrzgirl - I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I know what it is like not to have any support from a spouse. I think people with chronic illness should get a medal of some sort. You have to be really tough to withstand all of the ramifications that go along with being ill.

Based on what you are describing, it sounds like Raynaud's and possibly Fibromyalgia (FMS)to me. Take a look at the blue boxes on the lefthand side of this page under "associated conditions." There is a description of Raynauds under that heading.

As for your husband, he ought to be ashamed of himself. I doubt that you would do the same thing to him if the tables were turned. Have you considered going to get some counseling to help you through this difficult time? You need support from somewhere as you are apparently not getting any at home. I would seriously consider this option so that you don't feel so alone.

My next comment is why is it taking so long for you to see the doctor? Waiting until March 5th is ridiculous. I would be doing some serious desk pounding to get in sooner. If not, take yourself to Emergency and get someone there to figure it out. You could try a vascular specialist since it looks like you have exhausted every other type of doctor. Be sure and ask about Raynauds and FMS. I've found that in many cases you have to be both the patient and the medical expert to prod them along. There are still plenty of doctors that don't believe in Fibromyalgia aand/or are too busy/lazy to bring themselves up to date on the latest treatment protocols.

If you want to find a fibro-friendly specialist in your area, go to the National Fibromyalgia Assosciation website and register. Then you can see a list of healthcare professionals in your area.

I hope that you will continue to keep in touch with us. We are all here to listen and help. Things are generally pretty quiet on the weekend which is why you did not get a faster response. Take care and God Bless.


jrzgirl - January 24

I am getting counseling, I have an app't on Tues. as for waiting that long, she is "booked" and I am on a wait list. My husband hurt his hip from working in the basement but even when he is not in pain, he expects breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday and he will sit and wait for me to make it.One day he locked himself in the bedroom( I had a really bad sinus infection/cold. I knocked on the door and asked him to please go to the store for some cough med. he did not even answer me, I got dressed and went myself, he had his laptop in the room with him....... he emails me this "How long can a diabetic go without eating" then he answers his own question"AS LONG AS IT TAKES "
I made him bacon and an egg and cheese omelet, his reply when he came out of the room'Since when is dinner served in this house at 7:30pm


ptalana - January 25

Wow!!!! I'm sitting here stunned at what your hubby said. Wouldn't it be wonderful if in our wedding vows sensitivity was mentioned as well??
I'm so sorry that your experiencing such callousness from your husband. We've all probably experienced insensitivity from people we wouldn't expect to. If you need to talk we are here for you!
I wish you luck on Tuesday, please let us know how it goes.
Take care, Patty


axxie - January 25

The emotional stress you are enduring is one of the big factors with raynauds. Although the various sources of stress can not all be avoided, it is possible to learn healthier, more effective ways of dealing with them, which will reduce stress and this in turn will help your body to heal.

When you see your emotional support, please talk about how to deal with your emotional stress factor.

If you cannot get the doctor to see you in the next few days, then go to the emergency to help you. Let them take care of your problem.

Do go to a search site and do type in raynauds' read the information and then decide what you can do to help yourself.

Feeling the way you do, I would march myself into the emergency and let them help you.

Do talk to us, and do take care of yourself. I hope with time, you get treatment.

Soft hugs and lots of understanding.


jrzgirl - January 25

thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me. I know he will never change and I have tried to change myself but it is difficult.It has been like this for 32 yrs(this is my second marriage) my family, especially my mother destroyed my first one, I never stopped loving him, we have a daughter together, we both went our ways, he re married and so did I, but for me it was the wrong reason, my Dad was getting remarried and selling his house, I had no where to go so I married this guy,huge mistake, we were separated for almost a year(physical abuse among other types) but went back with him,(after MY daughters wedding) again no place to live, now we have to sell our house, he lost his job and plan on moving to SC but his family(who do not accept me or my daughter) would live 2 hrs away and I know they will visit alot and for awhile so then I have to deal with him and his family aka I become a waitress and maid. I pray that God will make a way for us to stay in this house.oh by the way. my first husband passed away 3 yrs ago, we were in touch again since 1999, and I became great friends with his wife and children, I went to the funeral in 2007, I miss him so much, he was my first and only love( literally my "first"). I am going to call the Dr to get a copy of my blood test results, I hope they give them to me,they are faxing me the results, sorry this is so long and boring.My husband is not supportive at all, it is either his way or no way.


axxie - January 25

I don't know how old you are, but you will need to stop blaming yourself and take care of yourself. If you don't want to be treated the way you are now being treated, then get tough. You got re-married for the wrong reason. I don't know if you have any money, but would guess that you or very little.

I would say take charge of the situation this is the best time, sell everything, keep most of it, and let him go. Your daughter and yourself can get aid, maybe not much, but it beats living with a guy like this.

You don't need this in your life. Maybe write to that doctor on tv that helps couple. You are in serious danger of loosing your everythng if you don't start taking care of yourself.

If your daughter is at an age where she can work, maybe a part time job would help you financially a few dollars here and a few dollars there might help.

I suppose I would do better, since he is leaving, have you looked over the financial side of your mariage, find out if he gets a pension return or his 401K get that changed so that you get some of that money. See a lawyer to help you out. Pro bono, I urge you to do something for yourself. This is too much stress, one way to get rid of this stress, is by changing what you can inside of your heart, you don't love him, you are just stuck with him and you have become only a maid.

As long as you are the maid, they will not treat you anybetter. What you need is a hand up and not a handout.

I don't want to make you feel unsupportive but you are in dire need of some help. If the husband want's to leave, then let him leave. It's going to be hard, but best for you.

Why have you let yourself be treated that way. You need to take control, stay and make the changes and get mad, or leave when the time comes and get your life in order.

The ex is dead, stop thinking about him, it's over, those emotions you are having are not healthy. If you are depressed then get medication to help you. I urge you to get counselling and get someone to help you sort out before you loose everthing.

Good luck to you


jrzgirl - January 25

My daughter is planning on getting a divorce so she has her own problems. I do not have any money as I do not work outside the home. He does have 401 k but have lost alot in this economy,I am trying to find out what is wrong with me health wise, I do not buy this Dx as epstein barr, the symptoms I have seem to be a combination of fibro, raynauds and CFPS,doe anyone have an idea about this. I need to save all the money I can but it is hard when there is none to save. We have a 3 yr old Golden retriever. My daughter is 41 and I am going to be 61 on 2/2


jrzgirl - January 25

he will never leave and will not divorce me. I need to talk to the therapist tomorrow, she knows what I am going through. I have to be the one to be stronger, I also suffer from OCD and panic disorders, why am I still here, this is crazy to live like this, I am blessed with friends, family not so much.


Fantod - January 25

You have got to get out of that situation. I'm 56 and just came through a contentious divorce. Same situation with the 401K etc. If you have been married over 10 years, you get half of his Social Security which you could get at 62 if needed. In addition to that, half of any pension and the 401K. And, based on the way that he treats you and your health, you should have no problem with spousal support. You are also entitled to temporary spousal support and money to move and set up another household. I think that you should go and talk to a lawyer to see what assets you are entitled to etc. His money problems are not your problem in the big scheme of things. He may just have to take a share of his portion of the 401K to support you while this gets worked out. I hope that you realize that his behavior qualifies as domestic abuse. A lawyer can help you map out a plan to make this work for you. Mine did a terrific job in the face of having to deal with a client who had panic attacks and all the other "perks" that go along with Fibromyalgia (FMS). She was very understanding and even the judge cut me some slack in an effort to reduce my stress level.

I find it is better to live by myself than have that continual source of stress affecting me every day. My tendency to have panic attacks has improved somewhat. And, overall, I am much happier.

Also, you may qualify for Social Security disability. You need to get a firm diagnosis of what is going on with your health first. I used a company called Allsup to get disability. They have a 98% success rate. It took six months which is far faster than getting an attorney and having to go in front of a judge. You can find them online; register and they will call you to set up a telephone interview to see if you qualify. First, you have to find out what's wrong. I think you should go to Emergency and let them sort it out. I don't think you can wait until March.

Believe when I tell you that I know what it is like to be chronically ill and have to deal with a divorce on top of it. I thought I was going to have a complete breakdown during the summer.
This is a lot to deal with but you have to start somewhere. I dealt with my situation one step at a time. If I felt pushed, than I shoved back and everything came to a grinding halt until I got myself ready to proceed. You can do this. We are all here to listen and try and help. You are not alone. Take care.


jrzgirl - January 25

God Bless all of you.
I need to get a Dx but I need to find a good Dr. I did get my blood work results faxed to me so now I need to find a knowlegable Dr


jrzgirl - January 25

I am NOT eligable for disability . I did not work the required amount of time


Fantod - January 25

jrzgirl - Go the National Fibromyalgia Association website and register. Then you will be able to see a list of fibro-friendly health care providers in your area.

Or you can call your local hospital and ask for the physician referral department. Tell the rep that you need to see someone who has an interest in Raynauds and/or fibromyalgia.

Good luck and take care.



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