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Another new sufferer here...
5 Replies
Diagnosed2late - October 21

Just wanted to say hello, and tell you a little about myself. Also wanted to thank everyone here for sharing what they are going through. I am so glad I found this place. I really need to talk to people who understand what I am going through.

Actually I am not a new sufferer, I am just new to the board and recently diagnosed. I chose my screen name Diagnosed2late because I suffered for a few years and was only diagnosed after I lost everything. It started when I was a teenager and progressively got worse over the years. I am 31 now. I did have a few good years though, but over the last three years it has become unbearable.

My wife and I are separated, and she wants a divorce. I am in financial ruin. I still have my job at least, but sometimes I wonder how long I will be able to keep it. I have withdrawn from most of my friends and family, and have very few intact relationships in my life. I haven't made a new friend in years.

What hurts the most is losing my wife and three kids. I really believe that if I was diagnosed sooner this would not have happened. My wife and I love each other very much, but over the last year or so I had become an unbearable person to live with. I am sure everyone here understands the strain that this illness can cause on relationships.

I was in constant pain, and horribly depressed. I even became suicidal a couple of times. I was miserable all the time. I had constant mood swings, and would become very frustrated, and angry at the smallest of things. I became verbally abusive to friends and family, and would lash out at people, especially when having a bad day, and having bad pain.

On top of that the constant fatigue caused me not to participate in things I should have, and wanted to do. I lost interest in almost every aspect of life. It is almost impossible to be a good husband, wife, father, or mother with fibromyalgia.

I truly believe that if I had known what I had, and sought treatment for it sooner, my life would be different right now. I knew I was depressed, but I didn't get help for it. I was crying out for help in many ways, but no one knew what to do to help me.

I was already being treated for pain, I also have osteo-arthritis, but I never talked to my doctor about my sever depression, out of embarrassment. It is harder for men to talk about things like that. We are raised to be strong, and not show any sign of weakness. I also feared that people would think I am a lazy ass, when talking about the fatigue, and tiredness. My wife leaving me gave me motivation to seek the help I so greatly needed.

I am doing a lot better now that I have gotten treatment. I am taking Cymbalta, and Nuerontin. I continue to take Oxycodone, and Advil for the arthritis and other pain. I am also going to therapy, and trying to lead a more healthy lifestyle. I still have rough days, but overall I have seen improvement.

But there seems to be no treatment for a broken heart. I don't know what to do. I miss my wife and children badly. they were my world. The only thing that kept me going. I am trying to win them back though. My wife still talks to me, so that is good.

She knows what a good person I am, and knows that the person I have been over the last year, is not really the person that I am, but I fear I have caused her too much hurt. She doesn't really understand what I was going through. I am trying to get her to learn about fibromyalgia, but I really want her to read this forum, and see how devastating this has been on other people, and their lives.

For those of you that have a spouse or loved one. Sit them down, the next chance you get, and thank them with all of your heart for being there for you, or at least putting up with you. Let them know how much you appreciate them, and are grateful for them, and do this every chance you get. Also try to be there for them, and meet their needs(I know it is hard). Do this while you still have a chance, you will regret it if you don't. Do it right now, go tell them how much they mean to you!


ptalana - October 21

Welcome Diagnosed2late, I also suffered for few yrs before my diagnosis. I'm so sorry for how this disease has taken such a toll on your life. However it's never too late, and hope is so important to have!!!!
It's wonderful that you now are on a path of wellness, and are able to get the help that's needed. Accepting and loving ourselves is of the utmost importance, even though some days this may seem impossible.
The effects of FMS can be devestating on our loved ones, as well as, ourselves. Try not to be too hard on yourself looking back, today is a new day full of possibilities!!! I also struggle with this everyday, learning to accept the changes in our lives and working with our limitations is an ongoing challenge.
I believe marriage is always a work in progress, and being supportive of each other is an absolute must. Today we are in need of thier support, but down the line the roles may be reversed, one never knows. I hope your family can read the info on this site to get a better understanding of what FMS really is and how difficult living with it is.
I wish you good luck with everything, and know that you are not alone!!!
Take care, Patty :)


mbfibroGal - October 21


I am so sorry to hear about the troubles that FM has caused.

I too have been dealing with chronic pain for over 3 years now. My General Dr tells me I have FM, but the 3 rheumatologist I have seen tell me it is all in my head.

My husband has believed the rheumatologists for a long time and it has caused a lot of issues in our marriage. Fortunately, he is starting to read up on it and learning more and more about FM.

He went to my last Dr's appointment and was shocked that all the Dr did was ask a few ?'s touch only 8 of the tender points (of which they all hurt) and tell me that I do not fit the profile for FM and that it was only stress and I should see a therapist.

My 4yr old daughter is now starting to suffer as I have no energy to play for too long. When I come home from work, the first thing she asks me now is..."Mommmy, are you sick again today?" That breaks my heart!!

I am hoping that I can find a Dr that can help me soon, so that all the people in my life do not suffer.

I can barely even work anymore as I cannot keep focus on my tasks at hand, I am hoping to keep going as I do love my job, but most days are hard!!!

I only have maybe 2 close friends and I only see them and talk to them on a monthly basis. I do not make friends very easy and how can I talk to "friends" about the same thing every day over and over - pain. They get tired of hearing about it.

I am glad that I found this board, as it has already begun to help see that there are others going through the same thing (not that I would wish this on anyone else at all!!) It helps to talk to people who can understand what you are going through!!

Keep that spark of hope and faith in your heart!


Diagnosed2late - October 22

Thank you for the kind words. I have been all alone lately and it really helps to talk with people who understand. I just wish the people i love could understand, but I think there is no way to truly understand, unless you are going through it yourself.


K2009 - October 22

Dear Diagnosed2late - It is not too late! You are here for a reason and have been diagnosed, so let your recovery begin.

It is very difficult to have a marriage dissolve - with or without having FM. I have been through this, so I know first-hand. My heart goes out to you for your loss and pain, and although you have a broken heart, your life is precious and you will get stronger each day - emotionally and physically.

Mental stress also adds to the symptoms and has even been linked to the onset.flare-ups of this disease. Your mind needs to take a break from "the what-ifs." FM may have contributed to your separation from your wife, but as we know, other factors can also be a cause. Don't blame yourself for your situation. You sound like a great man and YOUR SOUL needs to be picked-up and held. Life brings challenges to us, and although we may not realize why these things happen to us, it is important to stay focused on the positives. Unfortunately our spouses, friend's, loved ones, have no idea what this disease entails - the everyday newly found symptoms that come our way.

I have been divorced and am now remarried to a wonderful supportive man. Even though he has no idea what I encounter, he has the patience, grace,love and support to help me stay focused and positive. Laughter is the best medicine, and control over our minds can make us sick, or can be our best healer.

I encourage you to find a local support group in your community and to come to this site to share and learn from us - your friends. :)

There are so many options for you to begin your healing process. I have suffered for years, and have found that Neuromuscular massage therapy/bodywork, exercise, getting a good night's sleep, Vitamin B-12, Vitamin D, Calcium and diet work for the best for me. It took me awhile to find this formula, and you will find through trial and "chance" what works best for you. I opted to not take prescription drugs because I want to control what goes into my body, not have it control me.

Please read through this site and see the postings, and when in doubt, post your own questions. We are here for you. And, as I said, please smile, laugh and enjoy your children. If your wife sees that you are positive and resilient, then she may realize that where she needs to be, is right by your side.

Everyday on Earth is a Blessing, and you are a valuable person who is just beginning to HEAL.

Hugs to you.

Kirsten :)


Bailey444 - October 22

Listen....Don't you give up....

There are lots of us that have gone thru much the same as you...and yes it is painful in soooooo many ways, but with good support, like this forum, we can help each other. You are not alone...I am sure we are all with you as we read your posting!!!!

No matter what happens...we have to keep the faith.

I have spend many a day in bed wishing I had cancer so people would at least understand what we are going thru...I have also thought my life was over, and I hoped for death, but here I am still pushing forward...trying to remain as positive as I can.

We are all here for the same reasons.

We all are here for you also. Hang in there. It is never too late.

I have suffered for 10 years before anyone would believe's very frustrating, but you are on the road to better health now, and I hope your family will educate themselves by reading this web page.

You are not alone.
Take each day at a time, tomorrow will always be a new day....
Take good care of yourself.
Warm Smiles



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