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I'm sad
25 Replies
tnichel - October 2

No question really. I think I'm in the mist of another flare although I don't know if its the fibro or the lupus. I"m just frustrated. I guess it's the circle of having a debilitating disease. I think I was back in denial the previous few weeks thinking "I feel good. It's not that bad". I missed a few doses of meds too ( i know this shouldn't happen). I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Something always hurts, and no one understands although they try to be sympathetic. I guess I"m just frustrated and needed to vent. I'm just highly emotional and fatigued right now and had to drag myself to work b/c you only get so many sick days. And that's makes you feel worse. I'm close to my 1yr anniversary of being diagnosed. I guess I haven't fully embraced the fact that this will be the case for the rest of my life. Oh, not to mention after 6 months my doc tells me I'll be on meds the rest of my life when i thought (because of the way he put it) there was a chance of remission and improving. Ugh, its's not fair but that's life. I know my mood will pick up eventually but today is not the day. Do you have a counselor or psychologist? If so, does it help? I think I may need to talk to a professional and stop believing I can do everything. I re-arranged my living room, moving the t.v. stand and tables myself. Of course, that wore me out for days. I think the hardest part is realizing your limitations and not overdoing it. I'm so used to relying on no one but myself that I don't know how to ask for help or don't realize I need it until after the fact. I could barely get up the stairs (I live on the 2nd floor) with two grocery bags. That is really frustrating. I'm just down today. Thanks for reading my rant.

 

VictoriaB - October 3

Sounds so familiar!!! If you ever get a good day or even week, you get so excited and think you will actually return to "Normal" and thn BOOM!!! I can't believe you actually working like that!! I made myself much worse the last time I went back to work. Now I am having some kind of spell where I feel like the first day of flu all week and wondered if I will have to feel better just to die, it's awful!! My heart goes out to you, I know exactly how you feel!! We have to remember today only and don't over do it, thats the main thing. Hang on-Fibro Hugs!!

 

tnichel - October 5

Thanks Victoria B. I"m pretty strong and it's not often that I have a meltdown. I work in the TV news business. Everyone fulfills a certain role so it's hard to have multiple days off in a row. (that and they basically fired one of my co-workers who had a chronic illness although they didn't come right out and say it.) I had just come off of working two 12 hours shifts and 3 weeks straight with just a day off each week...which is probably why I forgot to take my meds. I love this site b/c there is so much support and everyone is pretty positive in their approach to fms which helps a lot. You're the first person I've heard describe it as the beginning signs of the flu. That's how I've always described it even though I've never had the flu. At least you understand that descriptor. Have a wonderfull weekend and a Fibro Hug to you too.

 

How to Survive - October 12

I'm new to this site but to you tnichel and Victoria B, its so great to hear the same words used, The aching flu like feeling, the overdoing it only to be chastised by someone else who then says they have to put up with your flare-up as they walk out the door, or yourself feeling stupid that you thought you were a bit better and wanted to give something a go. That feeling that to feel better will only happen when we die. Tnichel, your strength is amazing to keep working how you do, you give me hope. Hang in there for the next ggod moment, day or week. It will happen, thats what keep me hanging in there.

 

txsunsets - October 14

tnichel, I know exactly how you feel. I am almost to my 1st year of diagnosis. I just went thru a flare up and missed three days of work last week and was off for the holiday yesterday. It hurt just to take a shower. I understand your frustrations. I have not completely come to terms of this illness. I get down and depressed thinking this is all i have left of my life. Keep your head up. I am here any time you want to talk.

 

LadyRoswell - October 17

I am truly sorry that you are sad. I know what you mean when you say flare up or I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Not many others understand what you mean by that. They even act like they could care less because they don't really talk to you about it anymore anyway. They start to avoid you and you find you are alienating yourself from others. I know it is hard especially when you are having a flare up. I am having one and all I seem to do it move to the couch and huddle under a blanket. I am lucky though as I do still have a job and am able to work. I have to work to be able to get the insurance. I was not in an accident or anything. I also know this does not help much except to know that there is someone here that does not mind listening to you rant.

 

Fantod - October 20

FMS is a real b***h especially when it is paired with something else. I always stop before I do anything and think about whether I should do it all. I also consider if there is a way to break the task down into smaller increments or a simpler way to accomplish my goal. Anytime I was overextended in the past the backlash was terrible. And, it is just not worth it. I do have a professional to talk with and it is helpful. I have learned about guilt-free self preservation as opposed to meeting everyone's demands at my expense. Learning to say "no" has been a tough lesson but I've gotten better at it. I really try to respect the signals I am getting from my body. Having the wisdom to know when to stop is easier said than done. Now that I get it, my life is so much easier. I'm really sorry that you are having such a bad day. We have all been there. You are not alone in your feelings at all. Take care and let us know how you are doing.

 

tnichel - October 22

I don't know what to say other than thanks. I appreciate everyone's kind words and stories I can relate to. Lady Roswell, I am still trying to deal with the fact that several friends have disappeared or now avoid me. That's a hard thing to deal with but God blesses you in other ways. The friends that are still around care and listen and that's the best gift a friend can give. And this website makes it easier to deal with caring people like you all. As has already been staying the average person can empathize but will never truly understand what we go through. It's amazing that even a year after your diagnosis you still don't know your limitations and other symptoms suddenly pop up. So I understand exactly where you are txsunsets. Still, I am blessed that i can stil work. Many are not as fortunate. Thanks again for all the kinds words and advice. I hope I can return the favor sometime. So be well (at least what is well for you) And don't forget to smile and count the blessing in your life even when things appear bleak. And don't forget about your support system on this site. ;)

 

Barbieflausa - October 31

You are not alone. I am having another bought...this time its my digestive track. However, I stumbled upon 'sesame oil' and it has worked wonders. I now take a little bottle everywhere I go. I use it in my salads, on my joints...and it seems to do wonders. I even put a few drops in my tea and in my hot shower in the morning.

 

lmj0720 - November 9

hi there i just found out i have fibromyalgia i have had this for quite soem time and they have did every test uder the sun on me finally i went to this doctor for the pain on my left side arm hip and he is the one that sent me to a doctor that deals with patients with fioromyalgia i was so fustrated that no one could help and then dr estes came along. it is still a struggle you are the first person iam talking to about this because i feel the same way there are days i fill like i have no control of my body iam tired i have lts of pain and i try and deal with it but it gets very frustrating. i take alot of pills for the pain i hate taking meds so i want to find a natural way to cope with this. i feel just like you do sick and tired of being tired and in pain all the time if i over due any thing i pay for it all week i have a very high stressed job do you do any kind of meditation i have heared this helps along with excersise i try yoga but i have a lot of pain afterwards. i guess we have to set a postive frame of mind and learn to deal with it. that would be the first step. i just dont wnat to be stuck taking meds all my life i feel like this fibr has taken my life and i want it back thanks for listening hope to here back from you. i did talk with a therpist it helps some dddto be able to talk to someone that understands you and your problem some people dont believe in fibro and sa its all in your head if only they new what we are going through.hope to here back frome you
lj

 

belong2 - November 12

I know exactly where you are. The past few days had been so good, I felt normal, if that even exists. I felt like I could continue my normal life again. Then today, achy and depressed and sad and so so tired.
I think we get the good days to keep us going through the bad ones.

 

Sway - November 13

Hi there,

I posted a rather depressing post the other day with the same sorta thoughts. "I have to live like this for the rest of my life? Highs and lows all the time. Today for example, I feel well. Two days ago, I was having a meltdown. I have been off work since August and trying to get disability which I was denied and know that I feel okay now because I am not working and as soon as I start all that is required in working i will be sick again.. and round and round it goes. The pain is so hard to deal with. I can take it for a few days but after about 3 or 4 I just break down and can't take it anymore. So how does one support themselves? I am single. How do you have fun? I often wish I had MS which is so close to fibro and I could still have it but something atleast that is recognized by people, disability etc. I appreciate you sharing your rant. It helps to rant doesnt it? Wishing you well fellow sufferer and fighter!

 

tnichel - November 14

Hi lmj0270. Thank you for opening up and sharing with us how you are feeling. No one should have to suffer thru this alone. Especially since you were recently diagnosed. It hasn't been mentioned in this post but has on several threads on this forum. People talk about a circle of emotions with 5 stages. First happy that you're not crazy or a hypochondriac, to denial, depression, anger...then it starts all over again. I'm sure I missed a few stages but someone else will probably reply to this (darn my memory banks). But my point is it's a never-ending battle. You must know that you will go thru these stages so you can roll with it. This sight is excellent for support and information. It's not about a bunch of people complaining about what they have to deal with in life. That's why I like to come here. Everyone is positive, sympathetic and can relate. So remember that and come here, at least until you can build your own support system of friends and family. Some won't offer much support. It's something you'll learn accept in time. As far as meditation, no I do not do that. I've tried several times but it isn't for me. When I feel my anxiety rising I try to find a quiet spot and practice taking long, deep breathes. (well, I guess that could be a form of meditation) Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Exercising is also good for relieving stress and anxiety. Even if you can't do a full workout, you can do stretches or yoga to loosen up those muscles and rejuvinate you mentally. The key is to take it slow. If your muscles start hurting during stretching, then you are over-exerting your muscles. It's also important to know working out will cause more pain in the beginning and will gradually fall off so stick with it. And like you, I hate to take meds and got quite depressed when I learned I'd be tied to a little white pill for life. It's a lot to deal with. Good move talking to a therapist. I think I may give it a try. It's not that my family doesn't support me but they really don't understand how bad life really can be with fibro. Give your meds time to work. The longer you are on them, and the more sleep and healthy approaches you adopt, the sooner you will have some semblance of what's normal for fibros. It just takes time. I didn't get that at first. I was in pain so long I wanted immediate relief. I was near a nervous break down when I first came to this site. I've come a long way..but like my original post...you just have those days where things come to a head and you feel like breaking down. I try not to fight it and let myself go thru the motions b/c I know it will get better. It's just a bad day made worse by this condition. One thing no one will ever be able to take from us is our resilience. I think fibros by nature are strong, determined people. That's proven by the sheer number of us who worked and continued our routine for years before being diagnosed. I read somewhere it takes an average of 7 years to get a diagnosis. So we are fighters and even on our worst days we'll never give up. I hope all of this has help. Sway, that's a great way to put it into words. I totally understand the wanting to give up after three or four days. And looking healthy doesn't gain you more sympathy on those really bad days. I think that's the hardest part to deal with...appearing healthy on the outside and crying out in pain on the inside. I often get comments from people while out running errands like "don't look so mad" or "smile, it's not that bad". Well yest it is and no I'm not mad. I feel miserable and want to climb in bed for a good 3 days but I can't b/c I have responsibilities. That is very frustrating. Ok, if you guys can't tell I'm a writer. I'm going to cut this short b/c nobody wants to read a book. But again, I thank everyone for all the replies and support. And hopefully my story and yours will be of help to newbies coming to this site. Fibro hugs everyone.

 

cannotaccept - November 18

HI All,
but really... how does one cope with trying to live a "normal" life. I've had fibro for, i dono, about 2 years. I had a high stress job that i receintly lost becuase i was out for too long. (depression really sunk in) I have no friends because i have nothing "good" to talk about anymore. I have a hard time accepting i have fibro but i believe it came upon me because i pushed myself too hard for too many years. Sure maybe one of those minor car accidents may have jared my neck and thats the cause but who really knows right? The first thought i had when diagnosed was that i have to live with this for the rest of my life. That thought is soo depressing. Others really dont get it. The fact that day after day is a struggle just to do the things taken for granted. I dont want to say no, i shouldnt do that or i'll regret it. So for a while i didnt. I went to far, i realy pushed myself working on my house. The harder you push the harder you fall. How does a "normal" person understand it takes us a week to recover from a short bike ride, or days from just trying to hang a freekin curtian rod. Because were strong and push through it, they cant see it. I also lost my boyfriend because of this. I would be offended too if i touched someones arm and they flinched or squirmed because it hurt all the time. What kind of life can we lead like this? Is today going to be a good day or a bad day. I'm sick of it. I know you all are out there but ultimalty, i am alone. Guess i'm not seeing any light at the end of the tunnal. Oh, maybe becuase there is no end to this ride!! yay.
Im miserable today, sorry for no positive input, but thanks for the place to let me vent and rant.

 

reychel - December 3

I was just thinking about this yesterday. We - peolpe with Fibro - have to live day by they never trusting the next say wll be better!
I was diagnosed when I was 12 - I'm 26 now! But I started the treatmene not too long ago with medicine and exercice.
works better then the medicine. You just have to accept that you have limitations... and you cant do what you're used to do!!!!!

 

llcsmom - December 3

One of the challenging issues for me, the mom, is to know when my 12yo daughter is having a bad day or is in the middle of a flare, snd me--trying not to get stressed out about how much school she is missing. (She does have some accomodations at school at least, but there still is that "pressure" to be at school as much as possible.) Sometimes her teachers (who are aware of her fibro) say some things that are irritating.
Home schooling is not an option and the school is very good.
) Also, I have a
"pact" with her that if she is always honest about the pain and fatigue with me, then, I will always believe her when she says she is in too bad of shape to go to school on a particular day.

When some people ask her how she is doing, she sometimes says, "I don't know." I asked her why she says that and she said, because she really doesn't know sometimes--she has some pain, but it is not excruciating that particular day, etc. She also has been having more of the fuzzy brain thing....fibro fog, whatever, and so, sometimes she just doesn't know how to answer that sometimes aggravating question of...how are you today?
She and I do see a counselor to help her lower the stress level a little bit. It helps a little.:)
Dawn

 

SusieQ - December 3

Hi! I'm new to this group as I just found out last week that I probably have fibro. Since Sept my symptoms of fatigue and then pain have increased. I got to the point in November where I was home most of the time in tears from pain. I finally went to my dr. and since my bloodtests show nothing else she feels this is what it is. My shoulders hurt so bad I feel like someone took a baseball bat to them. All down the backs and fronts of my legs, my lower back, hands, the list goes on. Some days I just have this paralyzing fatigue where all I can do is go to bed. I make sure I walk my dogs every day but some days it's all I can do to get dressed and get in the car. I see a rheumatologist in January to see what he thinks. I saw on Oct 2nd Victoria posted how she feels like it's the first day of the flu. I have that feeling sometimes too when I'm getting tired. Knowing what is too much is so confusing as it varies by day. I do feel depressed some days and very sorry for myself along with those around me. My husband is awesome but I don't know if he can take a lifetime of this. Like most of you I am or was a very active person. Lots of sports, friends, social outings and full of life. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. When I go to the pool for my masters swim class there are days I can't lift my arms to do the front crawl. I try to congratulate myself for being there but want to cry as I nearly drown leaving the shallow end. Do you have any words of advice? What meds/vitamins are you taking? What exercise? Help, I'm lost and scared!

 

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