Hi.My name is Stacey, I have spent the last 2 days off/on reading on here & knowing there are so many people just like me is so bitter/sweet! I fell bad for you, but happy to know theres someone who can relate to me! So heres my LONG story of my life! I know its going to be long so I'll apologize now!! lol.
I'm 39, have 2 children, 22(he lives on his own), & my daughter,Ashley whos 15 . Its just her & I(she doesn't understand AT ALL what I'm going though!) & I'm DROWNING in bills. I literally have NO HELP or SUPPORT. 8 yrs ago, I had to have a full hysterectomy, said I had severe endometriosis, battled w/uti's at the drop of a hat. Then started the headaches, sinus infections, saw neurologists, uriologists, md's , had mri's, cat scans, glucose test, dentist said I had tmj, had a root canal because of a cracked tooth from grinding/clenching teeth, which I still do, fatigue, body twitching, legs/arms burning, can't sleep, ibs (constipated 90% of the time), hypoglycemic(low sugar), hypothyroidism which I've gone from 40 to 120 mg of armour thyroid & hair still falls out, & hand/feet cold just as much as if I wasn't taking anything!, intersistitial cystitis(severe bladder pain!), have gone through double vision mainly when driving & feeling like I was "nodding out" to the point to where I've almost wrecked many times, & had to stop driving at night, (I think it was from taking Lyrica) have since then stopped taking it. I never slept, up & down, I only do now because of taking something, but still wake up 1 or 2 x a night. brain fog is unreal! Can't remember anything! I'll write down what I have to do and then forget where the paper is I wrote it down on! Post it's are great!! I had to stop working outside my home because I'm so sensitive to smells, chemicals, smoke, anything! I can't go on the soap/detergeant aisle! If someone is burning outside,I run inside! winter time is tearing me up! I hate it! bright lights/fluorescent especially like in the stores,give me a instant headache. If I don't have food in me at all times, instant headache & feellike crap! the joint pain & stiffness is aweful. I use to have so much energy, never stopped. volunteered at school 3-4 days a week. Was training to be a paramedic. Loved to decorate my house. married. Now? divorced, broke, house a mess, no friends, go nowhere, do nothing, depressed. My 2 dogs are the only thing that make me happy anymore!.
I have been on one med after another, then my insurance was dropped because I was under my husband. I had to stop taking my elmiron(for cystitis) which is tearing me up now!$340 & they don't make a generic. I take estrogen, armour thyroid, adderall for fatigue which I would be literally worthless without it! Now my problem is I've been taking Methadone now for 5 years, is the ONLY pain medicine that helps me,. nothing else worked. I was seeing the same dr, who always gave me the same amount. which is 6 10mg/day. and 2 30mg adderal. oh, I also take nueorontin, which really helps! well, my dr can no longer prescrible narcotics, so I had to change to pain management, I can't stand him, for one I know he doesn't think FMS is real. I have to pay $125/month to see him, & now he has cut me down to 4 a day, & only 1 adderal a day. its killing me! I hurt so bad! esp with the cold weather, I can't do anything by 3pm. It may not seem like much of a difference but omg is it!! He thinks that the medicine is whats causing my problems! He has NO CLUE what I'm dealing with. I take 5HTP, vit D, fish oil, calcium w/magnesium, muilt vit. Sometimes I just want to give up.He doesn't understand at all what I'm going through and I can't afford to keep jumping from dr to dr. He charged me $250 for the initial visit!! thats insane! & even if I could get MA, he is a specialists, and doesn't accept it. I probably have forgotten stuff but I've said more that enough!
All I do is stress about money. I have $2500/month in bills, alone. I can't hardly get my ex to give me child support(suppose to be 400/month) & that sucker makes $50 a hour! for the last 3 months has given me a big 200 or 250. I looked it up & he should be paying me almost 800! I don't have the energy in me to even fight him about it.
I'm sorry for rambling on, I wouldn't blame anybody if they even made it this far reading all this! I guess maybe I just needed to vent even if noone replies! I'm just so tired of being alone in this pathetic world of mine. I look back at how my life use to be, I had everything going for me. Nice house, nice car, happy, wasn't rich, but wasn't hurting for money, now every dollar I get is gone for bills. I don't want to do anything, but if I lay down or sit still to long I start hurting so bad I want to scream. I just wonder if anything is ever going to get better for me. I know I'll be single for the rest of my life because the way I feel I don't want to be around anyone!
Anyways, if you made it this far, thanks for reading my pathetic life! If anybody ever needs someone to vent with, I'm here!! especially late at night! I never go to sleep before 2-3am. !