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What do you do as the spouse of a Fibro sufferer?
3 Replies
booobah - January 26

I need some constructive advice as to how to live with this. I have a surly spouse who is in his bathrobe at 4pm in the afternoon, obsessed with his computer & in so much pain he is vomiting. I have been living with this for years. I love him but I am tired of this. I didn't sign on to give my whole life up to him because he got sick. Does this make me a bad person? Probably. I feel like a monster, but I am so sick of it. Yell at me if you want, but I need advice here.


Jocelyn - February 24

I don't think anyone would yell at you. You are as frustrated as your husband is with his disease. My husband has been a great help to me. He has taken over a lot of chores that I used to be able to do. You may need some time to yourself and I hope he has good doctors. Pain 24/7 does a lot to ones brain and is very difficult to understand. I am grateful that you do no suffer from it. Your husband needs counseling to help him deal with his disease and it would help you to get some help too. I don't know how old you and your husband are, but there is help out there for both of you.


January - April 4

Hi Boooba - Just an idea. If your spouse has recently turned into an angry person (and was not before), and if his pain is so very severe, you might want to have him tested for Lyme Disease. (There is something called "Lyme Rage.")

Lyme testing is tricky. You should ask for both the ELISA and the Western blot tests, and he may need several tests. The most important thing is to get a good workup and diagnosis. Sometimes "fibromyalgia" is just a label pasted on people in pain - when there are really diseases present that could be treated - if they were properly diagnosed.

Good luck with it. Hope you can find some support for yourself as you try to help your husband - he needs help. And try to understand that severe pain (to the point of causing vomiting) is enough to make most people angry.


bluesbrrd - April 7

Living with chronic pain is extremely difficult, both for the person who is suffering, and their loved ones. A person who is as ill as your husband goes through depreession and grief as a result of losing all of the things he has in his life. It creates a lot of anger, which actually makes the pain worse. He needs to see a pain management specialist, but he also needs a therapist - particularly one who deals with chronic pain. That helped me a great deal. It is not fair for him to take out his anger on you, but he needs help to deal with it. He has to redefine what his life is, and determine what his new goals will be in this new life he never planned for. Just because you're in chronic pain doesn't mean all the joy has to be gone from your life. He is isolating himself, not talking to you except to bark, and he needs help. Most people with fibromyalgia need to take some form of opioids for pain. Trying to be "tough" will reduce your quality of life. Most people who take pain meds for this reason do not become addicted, but the dosage should be strictly controlled. It will only reduce the pain by 40% at most, so don't have unreasonable expectations. Once he gets the help he obviously needs, then you can both begin a conversation about how you want to live the rest of your lives. What makes him happy? What makes you happy? You can get burned out being the primary caregiver. I also recommend massage - I've had fibromyalgia for 25 years, and have tried everything. I spend a lot of time on my computer also! But aside from pain management, distracting your mind is one of the best ways to forget the pain! Remember things you used to do together that are still possible to enjoy, maybe with a few tweaks. Good luck!



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