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Life at my house.
3 Replies
libra13 - February 3

How does one get their spouse to realize that they are in pain from their phyical illness and then they are depressed from Bipolar II? I mean I could be just depressed from the phyical stuff going on. I feel the household chores are not divided up fairly since the kids moved out. And when I am in pain from Athritis and Fibromyalgia I do not get he help from my spouse. He states he works longer hours than I do. This is true. But why do I need to do the shovling so no one, including ourselves fall and get hurt. Why do I need to pack his lunch or hear I about it? Why do I need to feed and water our two dogs every evening? Plus clean up the house on my days off. He rest in bed due to the long hours. He puts in 13 plus hours comparing to my 12 hours. But some of the chores need to be divided up. I can't do it all any longer . And when I say I am in pain he said. " You can't be in pain all the time." But I am some days. This constant battle has gotten me pretty depressed and when I mention I am depressed I am told . "There you go with the Bipolar thing."


Fantod - February 5

libra13 - Welcome to the board. I am sorry to read about your situation at home. What you have described is a common problem among people with Fibromyalgia (FMS). I also have degenerative disc disease and advanced osteoarthitis at a relatively young age. I'm completely disabled so I get where you are coming from.

Here's the thing - pain is subjective. For some people, if they can't see it, than it must not exist. And then, there is the mistaken notion that medication fixes everything. If you are not in a body cast than everything must be fine and dandy.

And, depression is a another issue all by itself. A friend and I were just discussing it last night. I think that family members just get tired of hearing about it because they don't know what else to say or do. I am by no means condoning your husband's behavior. I'm just saying that it is an unfortunate part of the human condition. The fact of the matter is that living with someone who is chronically ill is hard.

FMS is recognised by the Centers for Disease Control, the World Health Organization and the National Arthitis Foundation. If you go to the National Arthitis Foundation website and use the "search function" you'll find the section on FMS. Send friends and family a link. Go on Amazon and buy "Fibromyalgia for Dummies." Like all of the dummies series, it has good basic information on this syndrome. Read it yourself and ask him and your kids to read it to. Knowledge is power.

Do you have family nearby who can help out? Any friends that can lend a hand with heavy chores? Can you afford to have a service come and handle the snow removal? You are just going to have to delegate some of these things. You are blaming him when there are options available. If he doesn't like the extra expense, than he'll have to get up off of the couch and help out.

Have you considered counseling? Have you asked him to accompany you to a doctor's appointment so he can hear firsthand what is going on with your health issues? Are you church goers - is there a pastor or a priest available to talk to? Would your kids speak to their father about the need to be more helpful to you around the house? I think that you are feeling all alone when the reality is that you are not.

And finally, when was the last time you saw your doctor? Perhaps you should consider getting a second opinion on your health problems. Sometimes a fresh set eyes can bring new solutions. If you have seen your current physician for a while they may have become complacent about your treatment plan. You can find a fibro-friendly rheumy by going to the National Fibromyalgia website. You'll be able to see listing in your state. Or, call your local hospital and ask for the physician referral service. See if they can match you up with a rheumotologist and/or a pain specialist (I have both) that have an interest in FMS.

I hope that my suggestions and comments are helpful to you in some way. Please continue to post so we can keep in touch. You are not alone and all of us are here to help. Take care and I hope that you have a peaceful weekend.


Noca - February 6

I think that your situation would break anyone down with or without depression. You cant do 12 hour shifts, come home, and continue to work your hands to the bone till you pass out from pure exhaustion. Then you add pain and depression on top of that? You need to have an open dialogue with your husband, that does not include judgement or name calling, just includes simple facts of your limits. If you cannot convey your limits to your husband you may want to have him come to one of your doctor's appointments who is overseeing your health and have them explain your limits to your husband.


Nee_ster310 - September 11

Hi Libra13,
I would like to share an experience that me and my mom went thru. She had many doctors that shez been with. Now, My mother went to the a new doctor about 4 months ago and the doctor refereed my mom to go and order a product online to try for her fibro. Its an all natural product. She said this product has the highest antioxidants in the world. Its called Kyani. Well, I and my mother tried it at the same time with in the 2ed week I started not feeling the pain. For my mothers fibro it took a month and a half till she really felt the fibromyalgia begin to cease. Within the 3 weeks my mom started sleeping and it has been 14 years since she slept thru the night and now she is snoozing away. I asked the doctor if I can give this info to friends and family and she said its for everyone who would like to order. I call Kyani's customer service at #208-529-9872 #283378 my mom orders online at and give them the docs Distributor #283378 The three product that Dr. Baird let us know about is Nitro Extreme, kyani sunrise and kyani sunset. I just went ahead nd got my own membership #.This stuff truly works and wished that all doctors knew about this. Well, All I can say is try it for yourself. I cant believe that doctors dont know about this. Please, Can you look into this. There are thousands of people that needs help and this is what they need.



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