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what my husband thinks I am
8 Replies
jrzgirl - April 6

today I found out that I am next to WORTHLESS, so I have to start planning on living by myself, the house goes back on the market 5/1/10, I do not want to move with him anywhere, I see that my future with him will just get worse. I have no income and do not qualify for disability as I have not worked enough to get it, maybe God will call me home, and I will live with him, no pain, no fear just a wonderful life, sorry for venting but I have had it and it seems he has too


Fantod - April 6

jrzgirl - If you have had enough than go and get a divorce attorney and understand what you are entitled to from the marriage. A consultation will cost nothing.

You should be able to get spousal support and temporary spousal support including an allowance to help you move and set up a new household. Don't feel sorry for him no matter what the circumstances. You have to stand up for yourself because no one else is going to do it. And, he can pay all of the bills associated with the divorce as you are unable to work and are ill.

You are somebody who matters. Don't let your husband or anyone else tell you differently. It is time to stand up for yourself and your rights as a wife and human being. Take care.


jrzgirl - April 6

I meant that he said I was next to useless,still hurts


kvc33 - April 6

Every human being has worth, what they can do or produce really doesn't matter. Many people get false self-esteem from their jobs and ability to do things. I find that healthy people wear busyness like a badge. It's like they are saying,"Look how wonderful I am, I'm doing so much." I couldn't care less how much they do, I only care about how compassionate they are. If your husband thinks he is somehow better than you he is delusional and full of false pride. I beleive in marriage but a toxic marriage will only make you sicker. It sounds like you would do better on your own. Look into whatever benefits are available to you. In Canada there are benefits that are offered by both the provincial and federal governments. We now have a Registered Diability Savings Plan for people under the age of 60. With the governments help I am saving for my old age.


axxie - April 6

hey jrzgirl, no marriage is worth saving if it's toxic no matter what. It's hard we all understand that, it takes awhile to register and being dumped is not easy. Think of it as a cleansing of your toxics, think of it as a new begining. He the man wants to leave, let him. Just remember he is the weaker one not you, and remember to get someone to show you what you are worth. You are allowed to half of the house, half of the car, spousal support, you are allowed to get financially sound. One good thing, you can do for yourself is start looking at the bank statements, all of them, but them in order, look where the money was spent, look at how much money he makes and make sure you know up to the last penny where everything went. You need to know, if he has a 401K you are allowed a portion of that also, get him to continue to pay for your medical until death, that alone is a good chunk of change. Start looking in his activities, you may be surprise to find out that he's been stashing money in another bank account, or at work. Look at his latest pay stub. Start looking and don't stop, until you have uncovered every last cent. Write everything down in the last 6 months, where did the money go. You will need all that when you negotiate for every penny that is owned to you.

You may be sick, and you may feel you are not worth much, but trust me, when you finish the little financial exhercise you will have more gusto then you ever thought.

You are someone special person, you are a very great person, and don't fool yourself into thinking any less of yourself.



jrzgirl - April 6

he is retired so I know how much he makes. he does have 2 of his own bank accounts, one I figured out how to get his balance. The SS$ is direct deposit in our account, I also have my own account. he is collecting unemployment(NJ) also direct deposit in joint account. He has a 401K, he lost a large chunk of it with the stocks dropping, he has no other income. He does not want to leave or will he give me a divorce. In Feb 2011, I can get SS from him, around $800-900 a month


ptalana - April 6

Wow jrzgirl, don't believe it, not for a minute!!!! You deserve so much better than this, it's time to look out for yourself now.
I have been through this before and it is imperative that you have copies of all financial documents, investments, loan documents, life/home owners insurance policies.
Fantod is correct, you need to get a consultation with an attorney. He/she will let you know everything you need to be doing in order to protect yourself, trust me you're entitled to more than you think.
I can relate to how devastated you are right now, things will get better in time. We women live our lives taking care of others and putting ourselves last. It's now time to put yourself first and take care of yourself. You are worth it!!!!
Please keep us updated and if you ever need to talk I'm here off and on most days.


jrzgirl - April 6

Thank you to all of you, your all great!


dsm8122 - April 14

God does not think you are worthless so trust in him only to get you through this trial. He will see you through it!



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