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Vaginal Pain
45 Replies
Jocelyn - July 15

January,
Thank you again for sharing such details of your life. I agree that any type of trauma during your childhood or adulthood, can cause what one has developed now. I too had trauma in my early years, My father was an alcoholic and every Saturday night he would drink until he was so drunk and then pick a fight with my mother. My nerves were so bad my entire body would shake. I would not sleep that whole night because I wanted to make sure he wouldn't hurt my mother. My father died at the age of 60 and it was a blessing for my mother. I had, earlier in my life, wished that she would leave him, but like many other women of her times, my father was the bread winner and she only had a high school degree. She later in life worked part time for a little over minimum wage, but while we were young she stayed home to take care of us kids. We went to the best schools and lived in an upscale neighborhood. She wanted us to not have to live like she did, she wanted us to have options, that she felt she didn't have. I stopped blaming her when I understood her reasoning, there were no support groups for divorced women or help for that matter, child support was still in the works, but wasn't enforced. She did later understand what it did to me mentally and also physically. In the end, all her children ended up with a great education and good jobs. She ended up having a peaceful life without my father for 30 years. Was it worth it? I really can't say, I don't know if I would have been better if she left because that didn't happen. He drank one night a week and was a very quiet man the rest of the week. I may have become emotionally upset moving to a different school and may have had other problems associated with the changes in my life. I was very sensitive and things would bother me regardless of what was going on. I believe some of that was inherited and the added stress of my life, just toppled me over. When I was young, divorce was really not something that happened much at all. So...I have had a happy life with my husband and children. But, I am left with these problems. My mother who was never sick a day in her life came down with Lupus at the age of 60. That was nine years after my father died. She was working two jobs in order to keep the house etc. Did stress active a Lupus gene? Had her life been easier would she have not developed Lupus? I do believe so. She is the baby of her family and her three older sisters are 82, 85, 89 and are in good health. All had different lives but have different personalities which may have helped them deal with the stress in their lives, giving them a longer life. Stress does kill! My mother died at 78, she is the only one who developed several rare diseases, included gallbladder cancer, that did not kill her. She died of an unrelated event. However, the stress of going through Chemo and waiting for the cancer to spread put so much stress on me that I really was very sick for a while. I am hoping things will continue to get better for me now.

 

January - July 15

Jocelyn - Thanks for sharing that. It is clear that many of us have similar stories, but most people hesitate to talk about it. I know well that feeling of "walking on eggshells," waiting for the bomb to drop. And I also know how it is when your body is taken over by uncontrollable shaking. Most people who know me think I'm a "tough cookie," they would never believe that I still succumb to that shaking, under the right circumstances. That's PTSD.

Well -- I keep writing about my own situation, and then erasing it, thinking who cares! It's a book, and it's probably a typical fibro story in many ways. My mother was a sadistic child abuser, but from the outside we looked like a lovely, privileged family. I didn't realize how crazy it all was until I got myself into therapy. It took many years to unravel the whole story, or as much as I will ever get to. My entire family was very, very broken, and I'm proud of myself for surviving. But I tell the Truth (as I see it), and most of them don't want to hear it.

I guess really the point is that a lot of us with fibro seem to have underlying personality traits. We discussed this last year. We are often Highly Sensitive People. Dr. Elaine Aron has a website and a great book by the same name, describing this. We feel everything more intensely than "normal" people. We are more emotional, more compassionate, and we feel pain more. Now research says we have more Substance P in our spinal fluid. Also, we seem to be overachievers. We are the ones who will keep things going when everybody else gives up, we're the responsible ones, the caretakers. We'll work 2 jobs, get graduate degrees, work overtime, stay up at night to care for other people instead of taking care of ourselves. No wonder our bodies break down!

A lot of the answer is to educate ourselves and find out where our broken spots are, and patch them up. Sleep, eat healthy, take vitamins, laugh, play, and have a good life with the people who love and accept you! And stay far away from people who stress you out and don't care. Don't be overly nice and let them back into your life repeatedly because most of the time, they don't really change, they just become better liars.

 

Jocelyn - July 16

Hi January,

It is so refreshing to hear someone else tell their story, so don't ever stop! Some things just need to be said. I can relate totally to what you are saying. We have so much in common. People think I am a tough cookie too, but like you, I can break down so easily if I allow anyone in my life to upset me. When my younger brother Scott went ballistic on me when I told him his girlfriend couldn't bring the cats into the house, I actually had a back flash of my father yelling and screaming at my mother when he was drunk. It hit me right to the core, but the difference was when I looked at his face, it was not my father, it was my little brother and I stood my ground and will continue to do so. I managed to keep myself together and with your support and guidance with the lawyer have managed to keep his hatefullness away from me. I know that I will have many years of having to deal with the estate, but with the help of the lawyer, and my other brother, I know I will be fine.

Like your family, our facade was perfect. My mother managed to keep the family secret just that, a secret. There is so much that has happened during my lifetime, I could write a book, too. I no longer keep it a secret that both my brothers are alcoholics, and that one is hateful, the other one is fine, just a functional alcoholic. Bruce has never abuse mentally of physically my mother or I, but on the other hand, Bruce and I both know that Scott has abused my mother verbally on and off for years, he never married so he lived at home all his life. Bruce and I used to have to go to the house and give him a new a-hole, every so often. It used to upset me so much, my mother was such a sweetheart she didn't deserve his attitude. My mother was so used to it, she would just not talk to him until he apologized. I believe this became normal to my mother. I always thought there was something wrong with my brother Scott. He drinks daly, (my father only drank on Saturday nights) and you have to walk on egg shells around him. When he is good, he is very good, when he is bad, he is very bad. No more of that stuff for me, I am done with him. Let his girlfriend take care of him now.

When he talks about my mother he tells everyone what a sweetheart she was. It is unfortunate that while she was alive, he wasn't nice and sweet to her all the time even when he knew she had cancer.

Again, I agree, if you let them back into your life, they will destroy you all over again. I don't want that stress anymore. I had lived with a dysfunctional family while growing up. When I married I left that behind me. My family is not dysfunctional at all. Like you I am very sensitive and brought up my family to be respectful of each other. My husband is the same way, so my two kids are kind and thoughtful to each other and us. They are all I need to keep happiness in my family. I know where the broken spots were in my life and the ones that are still there that I need to stay away from ( Scott). Because of my mother, who I had great respect for, I put up with a lot of things with Scott. I do not need to do that anymore, she is no longer with me, and she would want me to be happy. I am going to keep working to keep family stress out of my life and stay with my loved ones.

I do want to say, I am deeply saddened to hear that your mother was sadistic while bringing you up. A mother is the most important figure in a young child's life, I am truly saddened that you did not have a loving mother. May I ask how your father was and what happened to him?

We are the people who are compassionate, responsible, always want to make sure people have what they need and want to help people and make things better. We put ourselves out there, only to be squashed if you do ONE thing they don't like. Like you said, I will now take care of myself.

Thanks again for sharing...this site may help to unravel some of the mysteries to why people end up with Fibro. How many of us have suffered mental or physical abuse as a child.

I say it like it is too, but when you have two brothers that drink...they just don't get it! So...I don't bother talking to them about it. Although, I have just started telling Bruce about my mother sleeping in her car, once we were both married so she wouldn't have to deal with my father. And to think my brother Scott still lived at home! Why couldn't he have stepped in to help my mother? I would have, but my mother only told me this recently, not long before she died. She could have come to my house, but that is how proud she was. To me, I don't go with the proud, I go with what is right and what is wrong! Most people, like you say, don't want to hear it!

 

January - July 16

Hi Jocelyn - sorry that Scott upset you so. My experience has been when people grow up in abusive situations they either (1) resolve never to be like that or (2) become abusers themselves, sometimes overtly, and sometimes twisted in a secret way. Because of my childhood, I don't put up with people going ballistic on me. Once, maybe twice, is all it takes and the walls go up. If they apologize, sincerely, I give second chances, but it's probably not smart. I will gladly talk something through rationally - I knew everyone has misunderstandings. But when someone loses their temper like a crazy person, with the screaming and name-calling, I'm done.

I had to grin when you said your brother tells everyone what a sweetheart your mother was, even though he abused her. I heard "your mother always said the nicest things about you" from certain people after my mother died, and I found out she stole money from me. I guess she said nice things so nobody would suspect what she was up to! I was floored because she never said a nice thing to me in my life!

To answer your question about my mother - she was unable to care for me even as an infant - so my father hired a nanny. She was a middle-aged woman, unmarried and childless, and I'm sure she loved me like her own (although certain boundaries had to be kept in place, she was a servant, etc.). I loved her like a mother, and spent most of my time with her (she lived with us) -- when I was 7, my mom and I left the country to take care of my grandfather for a while. That was the end of my nanny. I don't remember, but people told me I was inconsolable. My nanny is the reason I grew up fairly okay. Bless her kind heart, she was my real mother. I wish I could have stayed in touch with her, but my "other mother" made sure that didn't happen. She really was sadistic, not just with her own behavior towards me. I had many painful medical procedures done - with no anesthesia. She told the doctors I was allergic. As it turned out, I was NOT allergic to anesthesia, a courageous doctor gave me some when I was 13. My mother went into a rage when she found out. But I spent many years going through painful things with my mother watching. I think she enjoyed it. The nurses used to tell me I was the bravest little girl they had ever seen. Yup. Now I have PTSD from that stuff. (I have had dogs that I loved like children - I once insisted on staying with one of my favorite dogs while he had some procedures done, and he was whining with pain. I nearly passed out. So I don't know how a mother does this to a child.)

As for my Dad, not perfect, but I adored him. He worked constantly and traveled a lot - he knew my mother and I fought constantly, but I don't think he knew how bad it really was. There was no other family around. Everyone was scattered and not on good terms. My father got sick when I was in grade school; he really pushed himself to keep going. When he had his first heart attack, I was 14. My mother came home from the hospital and said "I hope you're happy, you just killed your father." Then she wouldn't tell me if he was really dead. He survived, and hung in there for me - but he died after I left for college. I don't think he wanted to live any more. Once he died, I was on my own. No help from anywhere. If I didn't earn the money to pay my bills, it was tough luck. So I grew up fast.

Sorry to read about your mom sleeping in the car. But I know those situations are very complicated. Your mom was probably protecting you. Scott, as the youngest, was the "baby." He was probably used to having others take care of things, and he probably didn't know what to do. The fact that he drinks every day speaks volumes. He is probably full of pain and confusion that he hasn't dealt with. BUT it's up to him to decide when and if he wants to deal with it. It would be great if someone could get him into A.A. They work wonders. But when you stop drinking, you have to face the pain you have been stuffing. A lot of people would rather drink themselves to death.

Hope you are doing well. I have to laugh that all this psychological trauma is under the heading "vaginal pain." Somehow I find that funny!

 

abc97203 - July 16

Vaginal Pain... Pain... our sensitive bodies and how do we care for them in a time when most of what we come in contact with has tons of artificial synthetics or additives that we didn't expect. I am speaking as a woman with allergies to latex and propel glycol that happens to be in all spermacides that is on all non-latex. Ugh.

I so completely related to the past few threads I had to start scanning them before I was triggered. My Dr has repeatedly told me I have "profound Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". It took me so long before I would accept that. I was the fighter, the over achiever, just like you said. I think, in my heart, I thought I would outrun and rise above it all. It just doesn't work that way. I think I tried to write a bit about my life before and I remember it taking me days to sleep right again, well, I'm still not.

So, I think, at least from an anecdotal point of view, we can agree with the research that shows a 49% correlation between PTSD and Fibromyalgia. I didn't know about the spinal fluid P thing. That will be fun to research.

I have been gluten free for a touch over a week now. I gave in to "sanity pressure" because my tolerance for suffering isn't what it used to be. I'd much rather be inconvenienced. It wasn't really difficult until the last two days. But then I got some walnuts today and I'm pretty content and always trying to remember that food is a fuel source, not a reward or sex partner substitute.

I'm not sure how my deep vaginal pain is, but my generalized pain is improved. I have only had one bowel movement since I started this and I've tried the scoops of fiber twice and senna. The bowel movement I had was soft and that of about half a day? My abdomen looks puffy, but it's not as tender to touch. I definitely have more energy to cope with little things. Now, I have an unfair advantage because my body always responds rapidly to changes only usually for the worse. So, this is a nice break.

I encourage anyone with vaginal pain to look at ALL things that touch you topically and your potential allergies. Like I said, almonds used to make mine worse and nicotine is really mean. Can you imagine your vagina smoking a cigarette? But we or our partners touch our V JJ's with nicotine saturated skin. It can't be washed off, it's under every layer. Maybe gloves will be the next condom in our lives.

If this thread is still up, later this week I will find out how my deep vaginal pain with intercourse is doing and I will let you know. Maybe the gluten free has already made a difference, although that's awful quick!!!!

 

Jocelyn - July 18

January, you are right, it is really funny what we have posted under vaginal pain, but then again, it all comes from the same bucket. "PAIN"

I'm sorry this post is all mixed up. I started to post, then moved the text and things are all in the wrong places. I hope everyone can understand it.

January, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your Nanny when you were seven and your Dad when you left for college. The trauma of losing your Nanny "Mother" would be enough to put me in a downward spin. You had a loving person and then you were left with a sadistic hateful mother. How awful she loved to see you in pain, people like need to feel the pain. I don't know how you managed to endure what your mother inflicted upon you and managed not to tell anyone (I know how that is ) and to turn out to be such a wonderful caring person. Today, your mother would be arrested for child abuse. I am surmising that since you had to take care of an estate, it was your mother's estate. Well, all I can say, is I hope you got everything you could out of that estate! Some people will say, that money doesn't make it better, I agree, but it sure helps with medical bills to get oneself healthier!

For your mother to tell you that you killed your father and then wouldn't tell you the truth is so cruel. She really was so very sadistic. Did she pick on anyone else in your family or did she make you the star of her show?

You should be proud of yourself, you didn't depend on anyone, you did things for yourself, by yourself. It takes a lot of guts to do what you did.

Yes, my brother has many seeded problems. The alcoholism seems to run in my fathers family, but he sure doesn't want to stop drinking. He LOVES it. I worked all winter to get him to the doctors to get him to quit smoking and he finally did. I bought him one of those smokeless cigarettes. It gives you the nicotine but not the bad stuff. Of course, I was right there trying to get him healthier, now how dumb was I??? As far as his hatefulness, I believe it is from the drinking. He drinks so much, the alcohol doesn't have a chance to get out of his system. He was a very quiet child when he was little. He is 7 years my junior and 10 years my older brothers junior. Yes, he was spoiled by my mother. I think she tried to compensate because my father just wasn't there for him. As she aged and he didn't move out, she got used to having someone at home. Oh, there were days she couldn't stand him, but he was her son. So...she made excuses on many occasions and she was mad on many occasion. I refused to be in that situation. My brother has done things like this before, but this one will be the worst one because there is a girlfriend involved (with cats). Even if he apologized, I would not let him back into my life. I will only deal with him pertaining to the estate and that will probably always be done through the lawyer. I really don't want him in my life. I have enjoyed not seeing or talking with him. I am at peace with it. I would be very surprised if I ever let this go, then again, I may never have to, he may continue this on his own :0)

I can understand why you felt like passing out when you stayed with your dog through a procedure, the experience reproduced those bad memories. The ones we try not to think about.

abc...I have a lot of allergies too. Latex is one of them. Cats are dangerous to me, their protein in their dander causes me asthma. I am happy to hear you have gone Gluten Free. I do believe it will help you a lot. You will need to keep us posted on how well you are doing after a while.

I cheated and believe me, I am still paying for it. I thought I was all done, but I am still having stomach aches off and on. I am strictly Gluten Free now. I never smoked, so I don't know what effect that would have had on me, I guess I wouldn't have been able to breathe. The asthma would have kicked in.

Best to you too! Keep in Touch

 

January - July 18

abc - GOOD FOR YOU! Hang in there! Your body will go through adjustments. But I'm so glad you feel better already. I am terribly allergic to nicotine. I read there is not just 2nd hand smoke, there is 3rd hand smoke - that's the nicotine residue that is left on EVERYTHING whens someone smokes. You can wipe it off the walls with a sponge dipped in Clorox. It's in the clothing, furniture, drapes, and anything the smoke touches.

Since I went gluten free, and got better, my body got more sensitive! I know if I am eating something, and can't get enough of it, I am probably sensitive to it. Because the gluten diet is limited, I remember binging on nuts… maybe I should have just had 5, instead of a whole bag. I got symptoms from eating a cup of almonds too. But tree nuts ARE one of the major allergen groups. I'm also very allergic to shellfish, and always have been - so I can't take the glucosamine that is made from shellfish! Tricky!

A couple years ago, I splurged on a Lancome cream - it made my face all red. When I read the ingredients it had something like wheat or barley in it. Have to read everything, call the company. Now I believe it, if you're allergic to it, you can't put it on your skin!
Propylene glycol is in SO many things we use for health and beauty, if that's what you're referring to! That's a VERY inconvenient allergy!

Keep your food diary. I've figured out I'm allergic to certain drinks with milk - like after Ensure reformulated their stuff (even though it's gluten free), it goes right through me and makes me feel bad. I don't think I can handle cheese any more - I've noticed new ingredients I didn't see before - one is an antifungal drug called natamycin! Not going to ingest that, thank you! But I do OK with regular sour cream - maybe because I just use a little bit. Anyway, hang in there. The diary will be your best friend! I tracked some of my hip joint pains to food allergies. Good luck, and let us know what you learn!

 

January - July 18

PS for abc. You might want to google for info on groups or forums that deal with chemical sensitivity, or multichemical sensitivity. This happens to some fibromyalgia people.

 

January - July 19

Hi jocelyn! Have to laugh about some of this! You about sum it up. My mother didn't seem to feel pain like most people. So, how could I? I had deep cavities down to the nerve (celiac disease) and drilling with no novocaine. I was in the hospital a lot too. In later years, therapists said I was a "torture survivor." I never told because it never occurred to me. My father witnessed a lot of screaming at home and did nothing. I wrote my aunt a letter asking for some minor advice when I was 12 - she blew me off. So I just quit trusting adults - some tried to help, but it's hard to interfere. My mother took any excuse for a tantrum, which, I guess, is why my father didn't do anything. She would have taken me and moved away in a heartbeat if he'd stood up to her. I had some good friends and a few amazing teachers who, I think, "got it," and they really encouraged me. They made a huge difference - but I was too shy to stay in touch with them, even when they asked me to.

The remark about me causing Dad's death was just one illustration of her nastiness. It was constant. Yes, I was the one she picked on. (That's what cowards and bullies do, pick on little people who can't fight back.) She adored her animals, adored her maid, and had a group of friends who thought she was great. She was estranged from her family, and seemed to despise them. Yes, the estate was my mother's. She lived a very long life, and I took care of her for a LONG time with no help; I managed her estate and worked, and paid all her medical and long term care bills. Expensive!! I got most of what was left, and I earned every penny! And yes, a lot went for medical bills. HOWEVER, I have to say I wouldn't be the person I am if I hadn't gone through all of this. I AM proud of myself. I accomplished a LOT. I was a hard worker! I managed to get away, get some therapy and have a nice, happy, interesting life. It could have been easier if I'd had some support - but it was good enough.

I don't put the story out there for sympathy, but hopefully to inspire. People can rise up above things, and turn them into something good. I also want to let other people know it's OKAY to talk about abuse - it's NOT your fault! A lot of people don't want to hear it (and I wonder what THEY do behind closed doors), but the more people that speak up, the better for all of us. You don't have to forgive unless YOU feel like it! You can leave!! From what I've seen, abusive people will turn charming - just long enough to get you back in the loop. Then they revert to abuse again. You end up in a co-dependent relationship, trying to "fix" them. But you can't. They have to do it on their own.

We can (and should) stay away from anybody who is abusing us, family member or not! (What if this turns out to be a major cause of fibromyalgia? Who wants to sign up for this?) I met a wonderful friend years ago, who had a similar background to mine - but my jaw dropped when I heard what she had gone through - 20 times worse than me! She was quite disabled, yet a strong, beautiful, kind woman, and she spoke about ALL her abuse so freely, she taught me a lot! And yes, she had fibromyalgia too.

I'm too longwinded again! Thank you Jocelyn for your kind words and your empathy! If I was able to help you a little with your situation, that makes me feel good - like what I went through resulted in something worthwhile. Get it?? : ) It's the reason I post online. You can pass it on to someone else later! Hope your day is going well!

 

Jocelyn - July 19

Hi January, Gosh, you sound so much like me with your food allergies, it is ironic that we met. I too have shellfish allergies, including nut allergies, milk problems and many many more. I have been going to an allergist since I was 12. The older I become the more things I cannot tolerate. I started to get heart palpitations when I ate Lobsters. I was told by my allergist that my adrenaline was kicking in to offset the allergic attack. My test for shellfish all came back positive. I felt bad because I have been eating Lobsters, crabs, and shrimp, since I was a little girl and they are my favorite foods. Another thing given up. As for make up and creams, there is very little I can use now that I am older. Just like you said, I get a reaction when I use certain make-up. I can no longer use eye products, my eyes break out in a rash all over, what a site that is! I can use Mary Kay foundation and lip stick. As far as lotion for my skin, I can use Luberderm for Sensitive Skin. I cannot touch my eyes, because my eyes will react to the lotion( any lotions). It is a viscous circle.

You definitely are a "tortured survivor" and it is amazing that you have turned out so well. Many people in your situation turn into abusers themselves, they carry on that torch. I am happy to see that you are not that type. I knew a family that lived up the road, and I was friends with one of the girls. Both parents were abusers, it was awful. Their father was a police officer. One child, she is so sweet, took care of both parents until they died. Another child refused to take care of his parents, he hated them, but gave his sister money so that she could take a vacation. Another child turned out to be an excellent mother of three girls, but would have nothing to do with her parents. The last child, ended up with total emotional problems and he cannot function as a human being. Although all the kids were abused, he was the one that broke and couldn't pick himself up again. He did marry and have a family, he is not abusive, but turned to drinking and lost his job etc. He abused himself and the poor guy is so unhappy. So...lucky you were one of the strong ones, even though your mother thought you were weak. I commend you for what you have accomplished. You should be proud of yourself. I'm not sure I would have taken care of an abusive mother, you have more guts than I do. I'm not as shy as you are, although I have been told I am shy. I had my Dad thrown in jail for being verbally abusive to my mom. They may tell you a little about how I was as I grew. As I got older, I decided to not take it. Have you ever watched the Television show "Snapped"? I have watched it many times and I told my husband, when I was young, my father was picking on my mother, while drunk, and I snapped. I had been shaking in my room, but then something happened. I snapped and went at my father full force. I told my husband that if I had a gun at that point in time, I would have shot him dead. I am glad we didn't have a gun in the house and I am glad I recognized I had snapped and that wasn't the way to go. That is why the next time I had him arrested. I have never snapped again, and never will. Even when my brother went ballistic on me, I refused to let myself snap. I am proud of myself for that. It isn't easy and I know you understand from being abused, to continue to let someone abuse you makes it worse and it was difficult when my brother was verbally abusing me to let him go on until he left the house. I didn't even raise my voice. I know I have my emotions under control in the right way. It took years to understand the whole dynamics of it all. I did have some therapy along the way. But, I have a terrific understanding husband who was also had verbal abuse growing up by his father. They owned a hardware store and he worked with his father for years. I had many fights with his father because I wouldn't take the abuse he dealt out. My husband is now working on his own, the store is gone to his other brother and sister and we took some realty property instead with his other brother that he gets along will well.

You have and will continue to inspire people all around you. You are truly a helpful person as I have found this this special part in you. You have helped me with my situation with my brother. Not only have you helped, but you reduced my stress and helped me look at things from another angle. I do not have to get mad at him, I just need a lawyer to help keep things under control. That alone was one of the best suggestions I have ever had and I am happy I took you up on your suggestion.

I'm sorry your aunt blew you off when you asked for help. I suppose she was as uncaring as your own mother. Or just didn't want to get involved. That was the problem years ago. I was sexually abused by my step-grandfather. Not raped or anything, but touched and grabbed etc. I told on him. When my mother found out she called her sister and they found out he had done it to my cousins as well, but not one of them told. Well, nothing happened to him back then because my grandmother was old. He wasn't allowed in anyones home, but it was out in the open and at that time that is all that mattered to me. I loved my grandmother, we had a great relationship, and I didn't want to hurt her by pressing charges, she had enough to deal with him on her own terms.

However, years later my older brother met a girl who new him before we did and he was known for molesting children. Too bad people didn't step forward a long time ago. By the time we all figured it out, my mother and her sister didn't want him in jail because they were afraid of my grandmothers health. She had extremely high blood pressure that wasn't under control with medication. I did have my mothers support and that is how I got through it. My cousin and I have talked about it many times.

I'm glad you made out well with your mother's estate and that you had fun when you were young. I can see why your father didn't stand up to your mother, he was intimidated by her too. It is sad but true in many cases. I'm glad you had some teacher support and people did try to help, that is encouraging news. I would hate to think you were always all alone. I understand how you felt back them and were not able to continue to stay in contact with them. As you grew stronger, like you are now, it is easier to see that it would have been nice to continue knowing them, but it is what it is, the timing wasn't right and in the end you were still better for having known them.

I agree it is best to stay away from abusers. When you are a child, you have no say in the matter, but now as an adult, one does. I agree, abusive people can be charming, my brother is a good example of it. That is why I choose to stay away from him and use a lawyer. I'll let the lawyer do what needs to be done. This way I am enjoying myself and not worrying about abusive phone calls etc. Oh, by the way, he hasn't put his 2k in the house account yet and it is Thursday. I guess he has one more day!

Thank you for sharing your life ,once more, it is another form of stress therapy and that helps to reduce the stress we all have and will help keep the fibro down. You are never long winded!

Take care :)

 

abc97203 - July 20

I HAVE GREAT NEWS!!!
First I need to say that I have so much compassion for the hardships that some of you have shared. I'm sorry that I had to start scanning them. My PTSD was labeled as "profound" and I realized that my nightmares were starting again. It is vital that I avoid triggers and for ME, talking or writing about my history-especially in any detal- is an indulgence to be avoided.
Part of my taking care of myself with PTSD and multiple other conditions, including fibromyalgia has been to find what *doesn't* help or makes things *worse* and do what I can to remove those things from my life. Although I can have a wicked temper once in a great while, I can not be involved with someone who shouts, yells, or tantrums throwing tools. I get sick, very sick. I must tell parts of my story in small increments and pay attention to my body for signs of distress and stop when I feel that sick feeling inside before my PTSD is triggered.

Because of this thread, I finally decided it was time to take even more action in my life. Having multiple allergies seems to be a theme and I would like to see more research on that. I have so many I don't have count. So, when a Gluten Free diet was again brought up I realized I was being what I call the "bratty American who doesn't like to be inconvenienced". I had refused this advice many times despite people's obvious positive results. There seems to also be a relationship between Irritable Bowel Syndrome, if even very mild, and having fibromyalgia. Such sensitive systems we have. Since I had a hysterectomy 24 years ago, and upon pushing on my gut I became convinced that my colon was unhappy and was the culprit in my deep vaginal pain during intercourse I had to do something that would address both. Or just suffer and complain or wait for pharmaceutical companies to find something that makes money for themselves and will help me. NOT!!!!

I went gluten free, cold turkey, 11 days ago. I knew within at least 5 days that something was different. My energy level was up, my episodes of fatigue weren't nearly as remarkable. Before I was at the point I just could not think, could not be awake at times, even if there was something I had been looking forward to. This is over 50% better already! Also, I have found motivation to do things I have not done for 7 years. I cooked an egg. May sound silly to you, but it was a big deal here at at my house. Also, my fibromyalgia pain is remarkably improved. Not vanished, but so much better. I'm still thinking the fibro, IBS were/are responsible for the deep severe vaginal pain with intercourse.

Then last night when I planned to see how my deep vaginal pain with full penetration was doing. I had reason to be hopeful because my colon was not so tender when I palpated or pushed and I was just feeling more healthy. I was nervous because I could still produce pain if I palpated or deeply pushed above my pubis. When I first began to be involved with my partner I was scared, the pain is so sever (9:10) and I could tell my body was scared and I didn't know how to calm her down. But after a long time and a lot of patience I was ready to see if I was able to have intercourse again.

You can imagine how absolutely DELIGHTED I was when I was able to have what was basically normal intercourse for the first time in 7 months. To make things more interesting, my body was not dry. My body is always dry, and I mean always. I can play, have great anticipation and still be dry as the desert. I was not, to the point it embarrassed me. I had never experienced this and felt.. messy. LOL. Oh well. I will stay Gluten Free and if you haven't made the sacrifice and inconvenience to try this for yourself, give it a go. It's not nearly as hard as it seemed it would be. Now, I did decide I wouldn't be a vegetarian and no gluten right now. That was just too much too ask. But still, my diet is simple. I also learned about phylic acid while researching the Paleo Diet. I do not support the Paleo diet. I appreciate that there are people who do, but there are ways we can be healthy and deal with the phylic acid without giving up RICE. Holy Mackrel.

Thank you thank you thank you. It makes sense that I found it was both topical and food sensitivities that cause the outer vaginal pain that felt like paper cuts of the vaginal openning, that there be a sensitivity that lead to the deep pain. Why not? Our bodies are miraculous mysteries that Dr's pretend to understand. I should know. I was their right hand for 23 years. : )

Try it for a few months! Feel better.

 

Jocelyn - July 21

abc, congratulations! I am so happy that the Gluten Free diet is helping you. I am on a gluten free diet as well. I have tons of allergies too, like you, too many to count. Since I have been on the gluten free "I have cheated" and as January has send, you will pay, and I did. So...I am back on the Gluten Free diet and my stomach is starting to get back to normal after my cheating phase.

I am pleased to hear that it has helped your vaginal pain as well. It seems to be putting your body back in balance. I don't know you age, but I am 57, been through menopause since 48, and have Sjogren's on top of all of that. The dryness I find in my body has not gone away, yet, from eating gluten free, but I have hopes that, maybe after a year or so, I may see some difference in that too. Sjogren's is a drying disease so I may not be a luck as you. But, I feel great that my stomach is feeling better and my Fibro has gotten so much better, I can't believe it myself. This winter will be a real test for my Fibro. The winter is bad for me, so I am hoping that my Gluten Free diet will help keep it under control. Time will tell.

Again, I am so happy to hear how well it has worked for you. Keep in touch! Stay FREE!!!! Best to YOU always!

 

Jocelyn - July 21

Oh, and ABC, I understand about the PTSD, you do what you need to do. If not talking or writing about it works for you, I totally understand. Take good care of yourself, because you are the only one who knows how you feel and what will trigger issues. Stay on course, and get well :)

 

abc97203 - July 21

I am certain that the reason that my deep vaginal pain has been relieved, at least right now, is because my colon is not as angry. I don't expect that everyone would have my results because not everyone had a hysterectomy 24 years ago and has colon where there uterus should be! ha ha ha. Well, it's funny to me. The pushing on the are was just too close for the irritable bowel.
When I began the diet my bowel basically went to sleep. They went on delay. I didn't feel gas, or bloated or have stool in my rectum, I had nothing for 5 days. And I was eating food, and took several things to encourage a bowel movement. I was fearful that when I started to have bowel movements it would be very painful, but perhaps because of senna or because I drank so much water, it was easy easy. Now, they are working very well. It was as if my bowels were like, "THANK GOD[ WE can finally rest!!!" So weird. Soon, I was able to poke around the outskirts of the abdomen and not feel the firm colon there painfully crying back at me.

I'm uncertain about the fibromyalgia pain, except to say that I believe in my heart the pain was so much more severe because I have fibro. But I have episodic fibromyalgia, or at least the severity is episodic. It is possible that my generalized pain improved naturally.

But I remain certain that both my energy and mood have improved. I will do what I can to not cheat. I remember when I decided to become a vegetarian. And I was. It was that simple. I can be very indecisive and I think that is because I take them very seriously.

Thank you so much for your support. SO SO MUCH.

 

Jocelyn - July 21

You are so welcome and I am so happy to hear things are going well for you. Having a hysterectomy can cause side effects like dryness too and other hormonal related issues, so you had more than one thing going on at a time. It is difficult to distinguish which one is the cause of which symptom. You did great figuring out what the problem is. What a relief when things fall in place.

Keep us update that things are going well :) Best to you always.

 

January - July 22

abc - I just read your July 20 post (not the rest yet) and have to say I am SO HAPPY for you! YAY! The gluten free diet is hard to learn (it's in 99% of what's on the grocery shelves!) Learning all the chemicals is the hardest part! I just keep my food simple, no sauces, no donuts, ice cream, etc. - nothing fancy. Lemon juice or vinegar plus EVOO for dressing. I eat all the sugar and fat I want. But as you stay on the diet, you don't even WANT that other stuff. It's really just a healthy diet of fresh meat, rice, corn, potato, eggs, dairy, veggies, fruits - providing you can have these things. Some people can also eat soy and shellfish. You can even have some tapioca pudding and gluten free cookies!

An amazing array of problems are caused if you are gluten intolerant - because your small intestine cannot absorb nutrients. I am SO, SO glad you had such a fast response. This is NOT a "hard" diet. You can eat ALL you want. The hard thing is finding gluten free food that you can store - mostly you need fresh food. What's wrong with that! It takes time and energy - and you have no energy when you're sick.

I am laughing about you cooking the egg! I GET IT! When I get a little bit of gluten or have some reaction to something I don't understand (there is something in Amy's Gluten Free food that got to me badly!) -- I can't get out of bed, I can't think straight, my abdomen swells up. If I just eat fresh fruits and meat for a few days, I see some improvement. I make sure I take my multivitamins and supplements. D3 has had amazing effects for me. I also take a good mineral supplement. What a difference from 5 years ago when I thought I was going to die. The more I went to doctors, the more drugs I got slammed with, the sicker I got. Well, now I have convinced some of them that gluten is a problem. I have a suspicion one or two of my doctors has even tried the diet for themselves!

 

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