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Time to think
6 Replies
nikita3 - January 26

Yesterday my partner and I went out to dinner with friends. In conversation someone asked me quite a simple question and it took me between 5-10 seconds to think of the answer. (This was a day where I was feeling very fatigued). Then just as I was about to say something my partner interjected and gave an answer for me as he was standing next to me when this happened. Later that night my partner said to me that I can't take that long to answer as it makes the other person feel awkward, they may not come back twice and they may question my intellectual capacity. He said if I need time to think, at least create a strategy and say 'Sorry, what was that?' to buy myself some more time. However, when I'm feeling really tired and I need more time to think, I don't know how I'm going to be able to think up a strategy like that on the spur of the moment? I'm also generally introverted so I tend to think through what I'm going to say anyway. Has anyone else had this trouble and if so, how have you dealt with it?


kvc33 - January 26

Your partner is making a lot of negative assumptions based on his own beliefs and you do not have to take them on. If your friends don't know that your fibro causes cognitive problems you should just tell them and the next time it happens just say, "Sorry, my mind went blank for a minute." Or, "I'm so tired today I can't think." I would also suggest not going out if you've had a bad day. Your partner sounds like he needs a reality check. It is nuts to assume that someone will feel awkward just because you don't answer right away or that they won't want to hang out with you because they think you aren't bright. Are these good people or not? If they would ditch you for something so dumb then ditch them first. If my partner ever said what yours said to you, I'd kick him out the door so fast he'd think a cyclone had hit him. I have a friend who had a stroke long before I met her, and she is almost 100% recovered. I noticed that some times she falters when she speaks so I asked her nicely about it. She said that her mind is quick but her tongue is slower and feels thick therefore she struggles a bit. Who cares? I don't. She's a nice person and that's all that matters.


nikita3 - January 30

Thanks for your support, kvc33. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about six months ago and the thing I find the hardest to deal with is the fatigue and along with that, the ability to accept my limitations and rest when I need to. You are right in that it would have been better for me not to have gone to that dinner with the way I was feeling, but I'm still in the habit of trying to do everything to please everyone. My partner now says that he'd rather I not try and do everything, to stay home and sleep if I need to. However, I'm a little worried that if I start resting whenever I need to, it will end up being a lot of the time and he will often be going to things on his own. I'm not sure how or even if it would affect our relationship, but I guess I just need to do it and find out as it's got to be better than trying to do everything which puts us both through a hard time!


kvc33 - January 31

My bf does a lot on his own with a group of people. Although he wishes I were there, it works well for us. He also has something to talk about with me and I live it through him.


t3apps - February 3

I have been extremely lucky, my fiance is very supportive and if I don't have the energy to go out, he understands both that I don't have the energy and that I really do want him to go on his own. Having FMS keep me at home is bad enough, I would feel bad if it limited him as well.

I also have significant memory lapses - names, background information at work, etc. I find that I can occasionally come up with the information within about 30-45 seconds AFTER I stop thinking about it. Not always, but about 30% of the time. It is very frustrating when you don't remember something - but you are sure that you knew the information just last week or yesterday. My boss has also been very encouraging and flexible as I deal with looking OK and feeling crappy.

I firmly believe in a strong tie between sleep problems - of which I have many - and the pain and interference of FMS in your daily life. I don't remember the last time I was asleep for more then 3 hrs at a time - in fact, I find that when I wake up 2-3 hours after I initially went to bed it is one of my most energetic periods in the day, and more then once I've found myself doing the dishes or cleaning between 11pm and 1am. Of course, when my alarm goes off at 420 for work, it isn't quite that easy to get up!


bootsysmom - February 6

Nikita3, I think your BF is overreacting. Most people are not so over-anxious as to expect a split second response, even to easy questions. As long as you have made eye contact with the speaker and he/she knows you heard the question, there's no reason to feel like they will take your delay in a negative manner. Believe me, I've been in that position many times, in social situations as well as work, and those who know me either know that I have Fibro and understand or they don't know and just think I am eccentric.

I have this problem with my husband of one year. He has always known about the Fibro and it's symptoms but still expects me to respond quickly when he speaks to me or calls me from another part of the house. Drives me nuts. I think it's just his way (rude, I know...) and we have discussed it many times but he can't seem to break it. I have worked on learning not to feel anxious or pressured or angry when he does it.


nikita3 - February 6

t3apps, I couldn't agree more, there is a very strong tie between sleep and FMS symptoms. Sometimes I will come home from work at 6 p.m. feeling really weak and not up to doing my usual nightly tasks. If I go to bed for a couple of hours and get up around 9 p.m. I find that I'm feeling a lot better and can then do all of those tasks like feeding and walking the dog, having dinner and doing the dishes.



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