The funny thing is many people, like myself, with Fibro and many other health issues, have never smoked, nor taken illegal drugs and have tried to lead a healthy lifestyle straight from the start. I have two brothers who are alcoholics and smoke way too much and were not interested in the family life like I am.
My father died at 60 due to smoking complications. My mother who was never sick, never drank or smoked and took good care of herself came down with Lupus at the age of 60 and a few other rare diseases after that including gall bladder cancer, and a mild form of Fibro. It never stopped her, she was more active than me at this point in her and my life.
She died, 18 months ago at the age of 78, not of cancer, but would have if the dissected Aorta hadn't come in to play when her high blood pressure sky rocketed for unexplained reasons.
But,!!! All of a sudden when I was about 32 I started with odd pains, that slowly grew over time. I went to many doctors just to be told it was all in my mind. Well, I never believed them because I was so active and I kept searching, but was sill doing everything, but with unexplained pain at times. Then BAMB!!!!!!I AT 52 diagnosed for 4 years with Fibro and Sjogrens as well.
My mother even with Cancer could run circles around me.
Just think how I felt lying to her as I took care of her, running her back and forth to her doctors in Boston and not telling her how bad I felt because I was too worried about her. She would say you look so tired and pale are you okay, and I would say, of course, I just had a busy day at work.
Who would of thought! I used to ride and show horses with my two kids. Bathing horses, cleaning stall, polishing the silver on the western saddles, cleaning the leather! Hmmmm, I can still smell all the wonderful aroma's of our horses! How delicious those days were, how happy I was. Combing the horses manes and tails until the were shiny and silky and smelled so scrumpcious. Up at 5 a.m. for a horse show, up until late at night getting the horses down for bed. Enjoying the excitement and fun a horse show can bring and watching my children compete with all the ups and downs of winning and losing.
Up all night watching our horses give birth to their babies. Spoiling their foals like crazy, watching the silly things foals do, making me laugh like crazy, and watching them grow up to be great horses. My children, home, husband, horses, and dogs, were my life, a life I loved and thought I would always have, and when I grew older, well....then I would take time for myself to just stop and smell the roses while trail riding with my horse through the woods and soaking up the swaying relaxing feel of the ride with the sun filtering through the trees, the smells of the woods, the leather saddled melding in with the aroma of the horse oils, and soaking up the sunshine and feeling the breeze on my face. I could ride for hours just chatting and laughing with my kids..
Now....my life is just....a life. My horses have had to be boarded a a friends stable so that they can be taken care of, since I no longer have the energy with all the pain. I cannot clean a stall, climb up to ride a horse, or even brush them. They are no longer shown and I rarely get to see them because they are almost two hours away and the drive can be too long for me. I'm just to tired.
The horses stalls with their automatic waterer's and their outside fences, round pens, and lean too's have been taken down. They no longer roam my land. They are just a beautiful memory of what I was and had been. I set in my recliner and think of what it would be like to just ride one more time and it excites me to think of it. In order to keep myself busy I work a 40 hour job, which is sitting down. I am getting through the days, barely. I don't know how long I will be able to do that . I am the type of person who needs to keep my mind busy to starve off the depression. I can't take the drugs they make me sick. I am on some meds, but not much. Just to take the edge off the pain.
Today, I went to my married daughters house to help her make valance's for her son's room. I used to make all kinds of designer window dressing before the Fibo hit. But it is so nice to spend time with her. We made the curtains and I pushed myself through and slept when I got home. I am taking my grandson for two days while he is on school vacation and my husband and I are going to head to the Children's Museum in Boston. I don't know how I am going to make it through the day, nor does my husband, but he knows I want to do this, so he is going to help. I just have to try. I'm sure if my legs manage to hold up, the pain will be bad, but the smile on his face does something to me. I don't know what it is with kids and animals, but they bring a smile to me even on my worst days.
I am hoping to work until I am 62, but at this point it doesn't seem like a reality. If I make another 2 1/2 years I will be doing good, but really that is not what I want.
I have learned with Fibro that what you want is most likely not possible and it is very hard to swallow for sure.
I don't think the medical community has done enough for this disease and the drugs available are very dangerous to many people, me including. I have allergic reactions to most drugs, even after being on one for 4 years.
I'm sorry I wrote such a long story...but I was sitting in my recliner after I work up and thinking about what I really would like to be doing....and writing about it was about all I could do.
I hope things get better for everyone....it is tough and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, no matter how GOOD you look!