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spent a month a mental health facility
4 Replies
joeboy - June 10

well....

I had so much grief and loss in my life that I almost ended it. I had lost my wife, job, daughter, friends, and all the things i loved to do and I couldnt see any reason to live. I spent a week on the couch, crying and wanting to die... Finally, I had had enough. I took my ak 47 and one cartridge and drove up the to the blue ridge parkway. When i got to a pull off, there were several guys on motercycles there and as I waited for them to leave, I called my daughter. She begged me to come see her; said she loved me and missed me and I realized I couldnt do it... All i could imagine were her tears. The next day my sister flew from Boulder, CO to Asheville then flew me to California to a place called Bridges to Recovery. I spent a month there. During that time, I got on Zoloft and had lots of therapy. Now I am back home trying to pick up the pieces of my life. Of course, I am still in pain but at least now I have some perspective on my "new" life. My body is in a constant state of anxiety; i have fine tremors in my tongue, both ring fingers, and my lips. I long for feeling normal again. I wish it was JUST pain but as you all know its much more that that. FINALLY, my family is accepting that I have something a bit more serious than JUST depression. I hope that anyone who is contemplating suicide will get help and find something to live for.

 

January - June 10

Joeboy - so glad you are still here. It certainly speaks to the sadness and frustration many of us feel - and we just have such a hard time getting adequate, supportive treatment. I know you have been struggling for a while with this.

I hope you are still getting good therapy. The antidepressants are great for pulling you out of a severe depression - but you still need to work on things in therapy and make long term changes in your life. It seems you have had so much loss that it pushed you over the edge.

Most people don't understand that your brain truly puts you into an "altered state" when you are so severely depressed. Telling someone to snap out of it does NOT work! You need tender, loving care. When you're that depressed, you're not thinking straight - anything can happen - and quickly. You were so lucky to have people who care about you and who came immediately to help.

I'm so glad to hear things just came together to save you. Of course, your daughter wants you around. You were out of it due to depression. I hope you get it that none of that was your fault - you probably really did have an imbalance of brain chemicals. It sounds like you have lost so much, and it will take time to recover -- but also it sounds like you have people around who love you, and care for you. They want you to be with them. There is no place to go from this but up - sounds like you already are on your way. Thanks for sharing your story, I know it will help someone else. Best luck to you.

 

kvc33 - June 10

That's quite a story. Obviously you haven't lost your daughter so you can cross that one off your list. When things on the outside turn so sour and we lose so much it's natural to think we don't have anything left. However, we can choose happiness despite our loses. They really say nothing about our worthiness or value. If you want to know my story, I have had severe CFS for eighteen years and due to a medication I lost my mental health six months ago as well. Don't know if I'll ever recover. I'm living in poverty as well and that causes me as much stress as the illness. I do know that I deserve much better and since I only have one life to live I guess I'll stick around to see if I ever get it. I suggest you get rid of the gun. It's just too convenient to make a bad decision.

 

lucky13 - June 12

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope it reaches those who need to read it.
Continue to work with your Drs and family, and come here to share and vent.

 

axxie - June 12

Hey Joyboy, happy you couldn't do it, please continue to work your physician and please don't be afraid to tell them everything, every little symptoms etc. It's the only you will continue to be treated with proper care and respect as a person.

I know full well how difficult it can be as I even at one point went through a depression and thank my physician to be able to help me out.

I am now medication free and doing very well, I wish you the same and don't forget, there's always the blog here if ever you find yourself needing a little therapy.

Good luck to you

 

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