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Results for CT Scan and Chest X-Rays
34 Replies
Jocelyn - July 2

January,

The estate attorney is going to be a great help. What we touched base on just talking on the phone was unbelievable. Like you said, there are a lot of things to concider, looking back, I really wasn't doing a great job. I was just trying to balance my brothers emotionally needs from my mothers death and not looking at the big picture. I look forward to meeting with my lawyer once he is back from his trip at the end of July.

I believe my older brother will listen to me without having to have the lawyer talk to him, however, I don't believe my younger brother will. He just feels he is entitled to life at this point.

Either way...if he won't talk to me or the lawyer, he will have to go live somewhere else. I don't want to do that but within a year, he has paid into the estate for living expenses $3,500.00, this includes the real estate taxes, heat, cable, including interent, and special programs, house insurace, electric, water, gas, sewerage, pool expenses and lawn expenses. So...who is footing the bill. The upstairs, my older brother's children. The account would have dwindled before this, but my older brother dropped 5k into the account the year my mother died because both he and I gave my mothers money back to him because she felt Scott didn't have any retirement etc. Legally, we didn't have to, but we both did it because we knew that was one of my mothers wishes. Scott, spent it on himself, so that was not good. Scott is for Scott, plain and simple. No obligations, just have fun and that is it. His fun is about to end!

 

January - July 4

Hi Jocelyn - So very glad you talked with the lawyer. There are so many things that can go wrong, and most people never think ahead to the possibilities! Lawyers are trained to do that. Some of my friends think I am crazy because I bring certain things up - but I've seen the results nobody thinks about. For example, before I hire anyone to work on my house, I want their licensing and insurance information - and I check the licensing commission and the insurance company, because guess what, people lie! If someone injures themselves in your home, good luck to you!

The people that laugh at me about my "ridiculous" concerns are people who aren't educated, don't know any better and don't have my experience. So, your younger brother may come around once the attorney explains things to him.

It's quite incredible that he's only paid $3500 in a year. That's like renting a beautiful apartment for what? About $300 a month, with all utilities and everything else included?? LOL! Show me where to sign up! A small apartment around here runs close to $1,000/month. And then, you still have to pay for utilities. He's got a sweet deal going!

Sounds like he is definitely NOT thinking about the future and has not grown up yet. Lots of people don't, especially if they have always been taken care of by others. The only way people really wake up to reality is when they have to confront it. Maybe it's better that he learns this while he is younger -- what will he do if something happens to you?

Hope it all works out - and I'm very glad you got a good attorney to help you sort this out. Hope it has taken some stress off you!

 

Jocelyn - July 5

Hi January,
Thank you for all your help and yes, I am stress free. I have talked to my older brother about the issues I have stated above concerning my younger brother. He was unaware of the situation because he didn't bother lookinging into the financial situation of his 1/3 of the estate. Once he found out, he was on board with me as to what needs to be done to correct the situation. The lawyer will present a letter to both brothers explaining how the estate needs to be run and how much has to be paid in. (My older brother and I came up with the dollar amount and we are in agreement). If my younger brother can't settle down (we will give him only a little time to do so, he has had plenty of time already), then my older brother will move in and my younger brother out. So...younger brother needs to know we are serious. He is 49 years old!

In addition, my younger brothers girlfriend, Cathy, called me yesterday to talk. She said she was sorry for the problems she caused. I explained that she didn't cause a thing, this is between my brother and I. I explained to her about the cat health problem that I have and she understands and will figure out what to do with them herself. I also filled her in on a couple of things, like my brother is not meeting his obligations to pay his portion of the estate. She was surprised and is going to talk to him, because I explained, I am done with talking to him about what his first obligation should be. She said, my brother has been so stressed since the argument and what could be done to resolve it. I told her I am not stressed at all and that the argument is his own fight. I also told her, do you think this is the first time he has done this? And she said, why, has he done it before? I said, yes, many times, but this is the last time etc. She was very nice and we did have a productive talk. I also told her that an estate lawyer is being brought in. I hope she drops the hint to little bro. I told her she is his girlfriend and if she wants things to work out, she needs to find out what he is made of. She agreed. She also told me that my brother wanted me to know that he is NOT mad at me, only mad about the cats! I said to Cathy, what is the difference. I am stopping the cats from moving in, therefore, he is mad at me, end of story case closed. I also told her some of the things she and my brother can expect from the attorney etc. As I said, she was very nice and reminded me to come to the 4th of July parting this weekend coming. I said, I doubt that would happen and she said, it is your house too! I said, I know, but I have had my party already and since younger bro is stressed, why ruin a party by me attending, there will be other people there. I think she just wants me there so my brother can talk to me. My feeling is, he can come talk to me anytime he wants to, he knows where I live. She said, he respects your opinion and enjoys coming to your house for dinner and you have also looked after him. (I'm thinking, well I like going to his house for dinner too, but he wants to kill me with cats, but I shut up about that). I told her he doesn't respect me enough and if he respected my opinion he would have done something about the estate situation and his job or a budget. I've proposed countless suggestions to help him.

My older brother wants me at the party too, but I told him the same thing, but he is insisting, so I told him...we will just have to see. But, I don't plan on going. I've had enough parties and I truly want to relax this weekend.

I hope you are feeling well and things are going good for you. Please keep me posted on your health!

Again thanks so much for your help and friendship, it is truly appreciated.

 

January - July 5

I'm very glad to hear your older brother is seeing reality. Are you saying the younger is fine about everything, but only mad about the cats? …I thought they were Cathy's cats and living at her house? Is it possible both your brother and Cathy are being so very nice because they suddenly realize you have the power to keep them out of the house, and they have two choices - clean it up with you, or get real and start supporting themselves? I am an animal lover myself, and I know it's very hard to part with your pets - but sometimes you have to find them a good home elsewhere. Things happen.

Why is Cathy running interference - shouldn't your brother be talking to you directly to work things out? Things always get mixed up when they go through a middle party, so I'd be careful about relying too solidly on what Cathy says until you hear it from your brother, in person. People sometimes get offended by agreements in writing, but in the long run, that is the only way to ensure things go as planned. People always remember things differently as time goes by, so again, I'm glad your lawyer will be writing everything out.

Sounds like neither of the brothers really "understands" about how sick a cat allergy can make you! As for the weekend and parties, especially since you work, I agree with you -- do whatever is relaxing for yourself and take a nice break! Seems you've done all of the major work to clean up this confusion. It must have been stressful and I'm glad to hear things are getting resolved.

As for myself, I'm doing pretty well! Checked in with my rheumy and we didn't change much. I do well with my programme… the main problem is staying strictly gluten free. I still have not heard back from Amy's Foods - but I do think something about their "gluten-free" food does not work for me. The pain flare up is finally better, but I'm still dealing with exhaustion - maybe that's aggravated by the extremely hot and humid weather! I've got a lot of work staring at me, but I'll get to it as I can….

It really is nice to come on here and talk to people who understand. I hope kvc reconsiders and comes back. And Happy 4th weekend to you!

 

Jocelyn - July 6

Happy 4th of July to you too! I'm glad you made out well with your Rheumy. You are correct about the food you eat and how sensitive one can be. I am hoping Amy's Foods will get back to you. I am very interested in the results. I will admit, I have been cheating because of the parties and my stomach has not been well. Goes to show you, like you said...you have to stick to it. Today, I strictly went back on my diet. I have had the runs everyday since I cheated. I've had stomach cramps that have woken me up during the night, just like old times! I need to get back on track. So...today is number one all over again. I will learn the hard way. I can't say you didn't warn me, because you did :)

I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with exhaustion, I am having similar problems myself and have been having a difficult time getting up for work. I haven't drunk any caffeine in years and I had to have a cup today. Unfortunately, I am very sensitive to it and probably won't sleep tonight. I just had to get through today without falling asleep at my desk and tomorrow being Friday, I will make it! I won't drink anymore caffeine, I will rest more, less parties etc. I think I have been over doing it with swimming in the pool because we have had too much company and I am not getting enough sleep. How are you doing with your sleep situation? Are you able to get enough sleep? I let my housework go if I am too tired, it really isn't a big deal and if people don't like it, they don't have to come. The humid weather does play a lot in how I feel. I really can't stand the bad heat or the real cold. I seem to do best when it is around 70 to 80 degrees tops.

I am happy to hear your pain flare up is finally better. That took a long time to get over. I guess you need to stay away fro Amy Foods since there is something in it that bothers you. I have never tried their foods, but the ones I am buying seem to agree with me, so I think I will stick with that. What are some of the other brands that you buy?

Now....as for the brother situation :)

Your question about why is Cathy running interference is a very valid one. I point blankly told her that this is between my brother and me and it has nothing to do with her. I did clarify that with her. She has always been nice to me and I know that she didn't understand the cat allergy problem, but my brother should have. After this issue has come to light I had a long talk with my older brother and he does understand my problems and does agree that the cats cannot be in the house etc. My younger brother still has not spoken to me except when he called me to ask me a question about the house account and when I gave him the answer he hung up on me. So, he is still not being nice. It is my older brother that is being supportive. My younger brother doesn't know what he is mad about, he confuses everything he says. I think he felt that if Cathy told me he wasn't mad at me, but only mad about the cats, that was going to make it right between the two of us. That is when I told Cathy, that him being mad at the cat issue is aimed right at me so that doesn't make sense. I do believe Cathy and my younger bro figured out that I have the right to control the estate, I'm not sure how my brother took it because we are still not talking. I am hoping that Cathy will remember to tell Scott that I have involved an estate lawyer. My older brother, Bruce, told my younger brother, Scott, that if he couldn't pay, he would be happy to move in and take over supporting the house. Scott, said, no, no, no!

My older brother Bruce is fine about the lawyer and feels it is good to put a plan in writing, he has always known I have the power over both of them, but he has always been fine with that because he does understand the situation. If it weren't for me, he wouldn't have known that Scott was not paying in his money, does that tell you a little about why he doesn't care. He wants someone else to take care of things. I will give him credit, now that he is aware, he is ready to help.

Bruce called me tonight and asked how I felt about having one family meeting before the lawyer letters are sent out because he feels my brother will go ballistic when he sees it in writing. I told Bruce, that Scott went ballistic when I tried talking to him, so I felt he could go ballistic with the letter if he wanted too and I wouldn't have to hear it! In addition, just because we call a family meeting, it doesn't guarantee Scott will show up, he is belligerent like that. Bruce agreed. So...I suggested (trying to be fair to show my brother that I am trying to do things the right way, even though I don't need to do anything I don't want to) that we have a family meeting and invite Cathy and Scott, him and Tracy, and my husband and me. By inviting Cathy, Scott may actually show up for the meeting, and if he doesn't like what he hears, he is less likely to go ballistic in front of her and if he does, then she will get a good look at what she is dealing with. Bruce agreed to that. Of course, this meeting isn't a meeting to negotiate anything. This meeting is to inform Scott of what is coming his way and what is expected of anyone living in the house, no matter who it is etc. Obligations to the estate need to be met and anyone who cannot meet that obligation will need to move out. The house needs to support itself not the other way around and Scott needs to understand that if that is at all possible. I'm not sure he wants to understand, but we will see :)

I don't know when I will plan this meeting, perhaps in a couple of weeks, after I get some rest from all the partying etc. I honestly don't think the meeting is a good idea, but it won't bother me one way or another if it doesn't go well. The lawyer will be stepping in anyway and that will be clean up time.

I agree with you, I do hope KVC reconsiders and does return.

Have a great evening or day, whichever it is when you read this. Take care, again, thanks for listening.

 

January - July 8

Hi Jocelyn - wrote you a long post, and somehow the computer ate it! Sigh. Basically, I was saying you reminded me of what I went through years ago, running estate affairs. I knew it was coming, and took classes to prepare. I also had worked for some very good lawyers at one time. So I did all the work, and I paid all the fees to get good advice -- all the relatives did was say "where's mine?" Lucky for me, the situation is not ongoing, it's over. While it was going on, the relatives were unusually nice to my face. Once things were settled they all slithered away. Nobody ever offered any help or asked me how I was doing (not very well), and nobody ever said thank you. My brother got impatient and threatened me with legal action if he didn't get his within a year. (Meanwhile I was paying lawyers to pry assets loose from a bank that wanted to keep them for 3 years!) So, he got his share, but he can kiss my a##. He showed me who he really was. My situation isn't yours, but I sure learned from what I went through. If you are running things, you are "the boss" and some people will see you as the bad guy, no matter what you do. Do you know that most people lose inheritances within 5 years? That's because they don't know what they are doing, and don't get good advice. They don't know anything about running estates - it's hard work and it costs money. You are doing them all a big favor by running things and they are too dumb to even know it.

So - I would say do your fiduciary duty to the estate and keep it safe for the future as your mother wanted, but don't put yourself out any more than you want to. Things can get extremely stressful, and the stress is simply not worth it, especially if you are dealing with people who don't give a damn about you and your health. Has anyone said "thank you Jocelyn, I appreciate that you are doing all the work and paying all the legal fees to provide me with a nice lifestyle because I am too lazy to learn to take care of myself?"

Very glad you have a lawyer. The best thing you could have possibly done! If your family meetings turn into screaming matches, remember that you are the one in charge. Sounds like your older brother is reasonable, but maybe the younger one is a person you will never please, no matter what. You can just let the lawyer handle it. But stay on top of everything that goes on! Take care of your health and keep your stress level down. Just my opinion!

I read with interest that you were eating gluten and it bothered you. Then you mentioned feeling really fatigued. It might be the gluten exposure. That's what gluten does to me - it gives me weird symptoms that last a month or two - extreme fatigue, insomnia, nightmares, pain, depression. Things you would never connect with a food allergy, and as I said, it takes me a couple months to recover! I have definitely linked these symptoms with gluten exposure because I've been tracking things for years now. If I stay away from gluten, I don't have those symptoms!

There was a long discussion on this site last summer about heat and humidity and how most of us felt worse with it. I guess we are in for it this summer! Hope you are staying cool! I'm exhausted so signing off for now.

 

Jocelyn - July 10

Hi January,
Yeah, I did eat gluten, but I am back on track and feeling well. I cheated too much during the 4th of July weeks...many parties etc. I won't do that again. My daughter actually made something gluten free for me, she was so cute to do that. I didn't think she even realized my situation. I have talked to her about it, but really never made a big deal out of it. But she remembered! I was impressed because she is married with a busy life and things to do for her family. I am lucky, she is very good to me, of course, I am good to her too!

As for the estate...no, I was never told thank you,except when I was doing things for my brothers concerning the estate when money was being disbursed.

Now that the disburing is over and the bills to the house need to be paid, it is a different story. I get screamed at for disagreeing about cats in the house.

After what happened with my younger brother, I think my older brother sees how serious I am about keeping the estate in good condition. I believe, at this point, he agrees. One never knows when a brother will turn. To be honest, I was closer to my younger brother than my older brother and it turns out my older brother is up for bat with me.

I am going to try and call a family meeting to outline the proposed plan for the estate and I am hoping my younger brother will come. My older brother said he would. Right now, things depend on my younger brothers behavior and ability to grow up and do the right thing. I need to keep myself as stress free as possible, so if the meeting is a wash, then the follow up lawyer letter will put things in order. If the orders are not followed, my brother will be moving out. I have no qualms about it. He either becomes responsible, or he moves in with his girlfriend and her cats. I will rent the down stairs. My older brother said, he would rent it if Scott does not come through. That would be fine with me as long as I know the house is making it and can retain its maintenance.

I'm glad your experience ended, although, you have some war scars from it, as I do. However, my situation will not end until either I die, or the estate is sold, whichever, comes first. Right now is not a good time to sell in my state, so that is out of the question.

Since this will be ongoing, I will need a lawyer to help out when things get tough. I'm glad I have one, he has been so helpful. I am sure I will be receiving more scars down the road, but at least I have kept my 3rd of the estate safe for future use or funds.

Thanks for all you help with everything as usual. I will keep you posted on all fronts.

 

January - July 15

Hi Jocelyn! I am finally recovering from my gluten exposure and feeling a bit better with more energy. Back to eating fresh fruit, veggies and meat. How sweet of your daughter to learn about gluten free and make you something! That's such a contrast to those people who don't think about your health at all, isn't it?

I'm so very glad you got a lawyer, and it sounds like you've disengaged emotionally to the point that you can do what you have to do. In all these years I learned a lot about life being a TWO-WAY street. I watch how people treat me. I have always been a "giver." And if someone does something nice for me, I never forget it - so I assumed everyone was that way. Not true! Now if I notice if it is 90% me giving and not much me on the receiving end! I wise up a lot quicker than I used to! When I was younger I thought that if I did enormous favors for people, they would appreciate it and help me out later if I needed it. NOT TRUE, NOT TRUE! Don't ever give more than you can afford to lose, don't assume anyone will "pay you back" a loan or a favor. In my experience, most people will forget it pretty quickly. Rather, notice who in your life is good to you - as your daughter has been, and your older brother too. Give your time and attention to those people who support you and forget the people who cuss you out, ignore you or treat you badly. LOL! My platitude for the day! My lesson learned! Celebrate the War Scars, they make you strong.

Hope you are feeling well! Good luck with the family meeting! : )

 

Jocelyn - July 15

Hi January,

I am so glad you are feeling better and getting back on track. That is so nice to hear.

Thank you for your continued support concerning my estate problems.

I agree with you 100%. I AM a giver, I have ALWAYS helped people. I do know my brother is not a giver, so I didn't expect much in return, except his respect for myself and my health, just ONE thing and he couldn't even do that. I understand that his girlfriend must come first in his life. I have NO problem with that. However, he can be with his girlfriend at her house, but not with her cats in MY house which is owned by all three of us. Like you, I have learned not to expect even the littlest things from people who are takers. I have now categorized my brother Scott as a taker. And I am sure he doesn't believe he is, but I don't care. I will not give him an inch were this estate is concerned. I will happily stay away from him and his girlfriend once the estate is totally divided up. The money has been, but all my mothers things still need dividing. She has antiques in the house, dishes and furniture, we all left there because my brother is living in that section of the house. Well, no more! I will take my third, even if I have to put it in a storage facility! I will TAKE NOT GIVE! I am learning :) Thanks to you!

Best to you always!

 

January - July 15

Jocelyn - glad to hear things are under control, and you are doing well with it all! It truly is a LOT of work and responsibility. They should be very grateful to you.

Takers never see themselves as that. They see themselves as victims, I think. I'm sure they don't mean to be "bad people," but they never grew up, never had to take on adult responsibility. Even if they "appear" to be affluent, employed, established adults, takers always have someone else to bail them out if they overspend or get in trouble.

I've seen a lot of takers who were supported by family and friends far into adulthood - it's the pattern, so they believe others SHOULD take care of them. When they lose one source of support, they find another one, and are very good at manipulating people into feeling sorry for them. If you don't continually meet their infantile demands, they get very angry and blame YOU, you terrible, awful, mean, cold-hearted person! They forget everything nice you've ever done, and become abusive. (Hard to take, if you've been good to someone like this!) You become the Bad Guy, and they go out and moan about how mean you are until they find another sucker to take them in. They seldom change if they're adults with this pattern. You just have to let the drama go elsewhere, and know it's their problem, not yours. Focus on the people who are able to return your precious care and love, and have a happy life!

Hope you are having a great day! Gentle hugs to you.

 

Jocelyn - July 16

January,

Again thank you for your kind words. You have been so supportive and I greatly appreciate you being here. It is exactly like you said above. The taker, believes I am ruining HIS life because I won't let his girlfriend of 20 months bring her cats into the house because of my health. Oh well, I am the Bad Guy now. My older brother called my younger brother and asked to meet with him. My younger brother said, for what, I want to know? My older brother said, well you haven't put any money into the house account. My younger brother said, I am going to put $2,000.00 in this week, so we don't have to talk about it. My older brother said, okay fine :) So...we will see if the money is put in. I know he doesn't have the money, except the money my mother, myself, and my older brother gave him for his retirement. We gave him our portions our mother left us because we felt bad he didn't have a retirement and was living all alone at the time, 4 months later the girlfriend arrived. My older brother and I would like to shoot ourselves for that one :) No consideration for me doing that for him either. I've learned the hard way, but I feel I am better for it. I have learned not to try to help someone, let them try to help themselves first and see if they sink or swim. This is why my brother wants his girlfriend to move in, he NEEDS her income :) Lucky her! Oh, I do believe he loves her, but the honeymoon stage is not over yet.

I am focusing, as you said, on my own family. I have a great husband, son, daughter, son-in-law and step-grandson I am very close to. Even my husband is glad my brother is out of my life. My husband also, did a lot for him, because my husband is a Giver, just like me :)

Good health to you. I am enjoying the summer weather. Been in the pool a lot, the water is so warm, even though we heat it, the heater has not had to run for weeks! that is so unusual.

I hope you are enjoying your summer.

Gentle hugs back to you :)

 

January - July 16

Glad things are clearing up for you. Have you ever been around con people? I have. There's a little trick they use to sucker people in. That is, they flash money up front so people think they're loaded. They look nice, drive nice cars, live in nice houses. This attracts a certain type of materialistic person - sometimes they have their own money, and they think they're going to be with someone else who has more money. They "fall in love." The game continues for a while, as the Taker tells the Sucker what a hard time he's having because of ….(fill in the blank). So the Sucker supports the Taker for a while - or forever. It's a big rotten surprise when they find out that the other person is robbing Peter to pay Paul, so to speak - eventually the lies get too big to continue and the house comes crashing down.

I don't know your brother, so I don't know if this is what he's doing. But I have seen other people do this, some in my own family.

It will be interesting to see if your brother comes up with the $2,000. Even if he does, going from his past history, it sounds like you will have to watch him over time to see if he can hold up his end of the bargain.

Glad you are enjoying the pool and avoiding the drama! Well done, Jocelyn.

 

Jocelyn - July 17

Yes, I know what you mean about con men. I don't think my brother is trying to con her. He always admits he doesn't have any money. However, I did tell his girlfriend that he has not paid his obligation to the house account. I gave her many hints and if she is dumb enough to still go and move in and support him. She is crazy, because she will be supporting him. He won't be paying $500.00 that can be split between the two of them, THEY will be paying $1000.00, however they would like to split it. I know my brother can't pay the $500.00, so...she will have to come up with it. I have looked and my brother has not deposited the 2K he promised to do this week. I know he will take it out of the money we gave him because he doesn't have any. He is too busy having a good time. Well, I hope Cathy is enjoying herself, because reality is going to hit harder when the lawyers letter arrives in August :) I kind of like that.

I love avoiding the drama and I really am enjoying the pool. I am on a mini vacation for 3 days, so I will be off from work Wed-Fri of this week.
Yippee! I am looking forward to it.

Do you have any summer plans or just take it one day at a time ?

 

January - July 19

Yay for you! Glad to hear it is going so well and you are not stressing over things!

I do take it one day at a time, and that is how I like it. I crammed a lot of living into my younger years, traveled a lot, and did lots of different things - and had a great time too. At this point, I love my nice, quiet life and I can work at my own pace.

For the summer, nothing special is planned. I am looking at a ton of piled up work. Earlier this year I had a couple flares that made me feel pretty bad, plus there was some crazy drama that kept me distracted. So, it's time to get serious! Might have some visitors closer to fall, but nothing definite yet.

 

Jocelyn - July 19

I am glad you are not stressing over things either and whatever crazy drama you had previously, I am glad it is gone and I hope it will stay away forever. I'm glad you have a lot of fun crammed in while you were young, at least you had fun before this disease stuck. I had fun when I was young too. I think that is what helps me get past some of the things that have been taken away. I always look at people that are worse off than me and then I stop feeling bad for myself. I do feel awful for them too. I just wish people would be well.

I hope you enjoy your visitor coming this fall :) Don't stress over the house...it will always be there. I went through some flares and said the heck with it. I am not doing a little at a time and enjoying the summer weather.

Take care, keep in touch :) and stay well (soft hugs)

 

January - July 22

Thanks for your kind words Jocelyn. I'm glad we BOTH had fun when we were young! I always felt like I wanted to do as much as possible - I went for my dreams, and though I didn't completely fulfill them, I experienced enough success to be happy with what I accomplished, then moved on to the next dream! So no complaints. I am just a few years older than you, and I think we lived in a Golden Age, an explosion of music and art and creative things and new thinking and ideas. Things are not so easy now for the younger generation, with this tough economy.

Whatever happened with your brother? Did he manage to put the money in the account?

Hope you're having a good weekend! : )

 

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