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Results for CT Scan and Chest X-Rays
34 Replies
Jocelyn - June 12

Well, I called my doctor's office today to get the results of the two test I had done last week. They said the CT Scan of my lymphnode is normal. Hmmmm, can't figure that one out since I can feel it. The Chest X-Ray shows that I have scarring and chronic lung problems. This is the first I have ever heard of this. I have had Asthma for years, but have never been told I have a chronic lung problem. I have been complaining of shortness of breath for years! I go back to see my primary care doctor on the the 21st of June. I will see what she says. I bet I will have to go back to my allergist and start over with them again. I can't win! Another problem to add to the list!


January - June 15

Hi Jocelyn - I'm glad your lymph node was OK. I believe they can sometimes swell up if there is a little infection in your body - that's part of their function, to fight infection.

Wonder what's up with your lungs? Have you been around cigarette smoke for long periods of time?

Hope you are OK. I


Jocelyn - June 16

I have never smoked, however, I live at home until I was 20 and my dad was a smoker. I do have severe allergies, but asthma was only a very small problem. Only bothered me when I had a cold or was around a cat or bird. I got sick a few years back and my allergies did a chest x-ray then because my asthma was so bad, but they told me the x-ray came back normal. So...what has happened in those few years to produce scarring??? and a chronic lung problem?? I really don't know. It baffles me, to tell you the truth. When I see my PC next week I am going to discuss this x-ray and see if she can have it compared to the one I had a few years back to see when all this started to happen. Maybe the old x-ray showed something and they didn't say, I don't know, but I am going to find out!

I just finished washing my rugs, now I am so sore and tired, I guess I will go lie down and take a nap, hopefully, I will feel better :) I have to learn to stop doing thing that aggravate my condition. I don't know if I will ever learn, or if it is just that I like knowing that I can still do it. I think I have to think about this issue I have.

How are you feeling?


Jocelyn - June 16

Sorry for all the typos.

I meant to say I lived at home for 20 years, my dad was a smoker, however, I am know 56 1/2 and haven't been around smoke.

Also, it was my allergist that ordered a chest x-ray a few years back when I got sick and nothing was mentioned except that the x-ray was normal.

okay, hopefully everything else is clear :)


January - June 21

Hi Jocelyn. Interesting about the smoke. I tried to smoke tobacco but I never could - I couldn't inhale it, just made me cough like crazy. In retrospect, I was very allergic to tobacco, among other things!

Like you, I lived with a smoker. We lived in a very hot country, and the bedrooms were air conditioned, linked together with open doors. My mother smoked CONSTANTLY. The air in the bedrooms was like a bar. Needless to say I was a very bad asthmatic, sick a lot. My father, also asthmatic, died young due to heart and lung problems. I got better when I got away from home at 18. But when I worked in places with a lot of cigarette smoke, I was sick aagain, to the point where I sometimes lost jobs because of too much time out sick. It was a blessing for me when they passed laws prohibiting smoking in public places!

I do hope you find out what the problem is - I guess you've been to see your doctor by now.


Jocelyn - June 22

Hi January,
I am going to the doctors this afternoon at 4:30, so we will talk about things. I was also greatful that they passed the smoking laws, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to hold the job or any job that I have. I was also better once I got married and was out of the house. So, I haven't been exposed for a long time, but the damage could have been done. I did call the Hospital to get a copy of the last three chest x-rays I have had done. I want to have my doctor match them up to see what is going on. Perhaps there is a pattern. My mother had Lupus and it was first found in her lungs. I sure hope it is just my asthma, as I don't need Lupus on top of everything else I have.

I'll keep you posted as to what my doctor says today when I get a chance.


Jocelyn - June 23

Okay, went to the doctors today. From what she tells me there are interstitial changes although mild in my lungs. My lungs have thickened making it harder to take in air. I need to see a pulminary doctor. She gave me a copy of the written portion and it says that they matched it up to an x-ray that I had in 2010. I can't remember who sent me for thtat x-ray but I am getting copies of everything for my own records. This is a chronic disease. NO ONE has ever told me that I have had this problem. Why is it that doctors get back results and don't tell you until 2-3 years later, they just tell you that everything is fine!!!! I am angry. I have been complaining about shortness of breath for at least 4-5 years. I have had several x-rays during that time and no one, not even my allergist has said a word. I've googled the words and found that once the breathing problem starts, it is not reversable. How nice is that and the scarring, of course, will never go away. My doctor said, that it is possible that this is another clue to my problems. This is great! The never ending wave of Doctors! I'm sick of it! Anyway...I am going to enjoy my weekend and try not to think of it and worry about it later.

Oh and to add stress, my little brother has disowned me. The reason is, my mother passed away about 2 years ago and he has always lived in the home(all 3 of us kids own it now). He wants his girlfriend to move in. I have NO problem with that, I like her very much. BUT, there is one problem that we discussed months ago. She has two cats! I told both of them that I am deathly allgergic to cats and although his girlfriend is welcome to move in, the cats cannot. They both promised that the cats would not move in and told me not to worry about it. I believed them because, after all, I don't lie to my brothers. All of a sudden my brother comes over for his weekly dinner, with us, since my mother died and tells me that Cathy and her cats are moving in and that everyone else thinks it's fine and that my mothers house is not a shrine and you have to move on. Well, the thing is, I don't think my mother's house is a shrine and I don't care if they change it all around, I just don't want the cats there because then I cannot attend family functions at the house and we have several a year. He told me I was a hyperchondriack, that I would be fine in the house with the cats because Cathy is a neat freak and that is was all in my mind etc. I didn't even have time to explain that it is not how clean the house looks it is the dander and protein that is airoborne and stuck to everything, it is in the dander, the salia and urine. He yelled and was very mentally abusive and then he disowned me. On top of that he called back, which I didn't answer the phone and he was abusive on the answering machine as well, telling me he hates me and never wants to see me again and he is disowning me. Well, that part is okay, because i am disowning him too! It works both ways. On top of that, I am the holder of the trust and my mother, having foresight, stricktly put in the will that I was totally in charge of who lives in there and who doesn't. I can sell the house without their permission etc. She made sure things were covered because she knew his personality. He could be nasty. Well, this is the last time he will be nasty to me, I have done everything to help him through this rough time and my husband has been unbelievealby good to him. He has washed his hands of him too. The end results, Cathy can move in, they can do with the house whatever they want to do, I have no problem with that, but there will be no cats. We will both lose, of course, because I have lost my brother, because of his actions an uncaring about my medical condition etc. and he will either have Cathy move in without the cat or if she moves in with the cats, i will legally remove the cats from the premises. There will be a lot of losses because either way I will never go back to my mothers house for anything. She lives up the street from me and I walk my dog past it everyday. I am an animal lover and would never hurt an animal, so I gave both of them fair warning that they couldn't have the cats in the house. It is a death sentence to me. I have helped my brother out so much, I can't believe he doesn't believe what I am telling him. He won't listen.

Now, I have called my other brother about the situation and at first he told me that he felt it was alright to have the cats, but didn't realize that cleaning didn't make it go away. He was under the impression if Cathy cleaned well, that all would be fine. So, he sees my point and agrees I have to do what I have to do. He said that by bring Cathy in it would bring money into the house to help maintain the house for our interest. My older brother lived upstairs, but his kids are using it now. The house is a one family home, my mother let my older brother build upstairs so it is a funny set up. I let my older brother know that my younger brother didn't even want him to move back because his wanted to shut the upstairs down etc. My older brother was like h***! I also told him he had to be very careful about how Cathy puts her money into the house because my brother wants her to be paid back and I don't feel the trust should pay her anything. My brother can take an insurance policy out that covers his girlfriend expense of putting new window in etc. and when he dies she or her beneficiaries can have the money from that. I don't want the money coming out of the house trust, that is stupid. The windows are good windows they are Anderson's and are in great condition, they really don't need replacing, but as I said, he can do what he wants as long as it doesn't effect my other brother and I. Okay, enough venting. The saga of my brothers will continue and I'm sure it will become more intense, great for my asthma a lung problems! Oh and the house was left to us three kids. My mother said, that this is the only thing she has to leave to her kids and all three of us will own it. younger brother Scott, has never had to buy a home like Bruce and i, he is getting it free and clear. He drinks and spends money like crazy. When my mother died, he didn't have a girlfriend and told me he could afford the house no problem, once he got a girlfriend, he spent all his money and now he can't afford it. He needs to grow up. I'm glad my husband and I didn't give him any money! We were worried about him, obviously he is not worried about me!

I have now informed my older brother that he will now be dealing with Scott because I no long want anything to do with him, except if cats arrive at the house, then I will have them removed, but I will do it through a lawyer so I don't have to actually deal with him. So, that is that....and life goes on!

Take care and have a great weekend!


kvc33 - June 23

It seems to me that the best solution would be for you to sell the house and distribute the monies between the three of you. In a sense you are your brothers landlord and they resent it. You resent they way they live their lives and this situation will go on and on. I understand perfectly why you don't want cats there, but if it is your intention to never step foot in the house again, why would you have them removed? I know you are angry and hurt. Your brother sounds like a dysfunctional person and it is best not to entwine property 'rights' with someone like that. By bringing his girlfriend into the house, yet another person has been added to the mix. I can assure you that once she has live there for a while she will begin to see the home as hers and it is not. Then there will be arguments involving her too. I'm sorry if my comments aren't what you want to hear. I just think about what DR. Phil would say about this situation and I know he would say that you all need to disentangle yourselves from each others lives. You assumed that because you have helped your brother that he would be understanding towards you but takers rarely are and that's what he is, a taker. You are right, he needs to grow up and he will never do that until he has to pay his own way. It sounds to me like he is desperate to have a girlfriend therefore he is willing to do anything to keep her, including spending all his money on her and disowning you over the cats moving in. He is actually a sad, weak, person from the way you describe him. I hope you can find a resolution that will bring peace to all of your lives. I would imagine that things are going to get worse before they get better.


Jocelyn - June 24

Hi Kvc33,

Let me say this, everything you said above it correct.

My story is so long, that I can't possibly type it all out because it would be a novel.

I am the landlord of the house but there is no money involved. It would be easy enough for me to, as you said, sell the house and split the money 3 ways. My mother gave me the right to sell the house as I see fit, and without either brothers consent etc. This is due to both my brothers being alcoholics and both never having any money. I never drank and neither did my mother. My Mother provided both my brothers with a home, although my eldest brother provided money for the upstairs section. My mother did not provide a home for me, my husband and I did it ourselves. Believe me, I could use that money!!! The house is valued at a 1/2 million dollars or possibly more. The taking of that would be easy for me. My only regret would be that my parents build that house and the heritage would be lost. My mother wanted it to go down to her grandchildren if possible, unless it had to be sold for other reasons. That was her wishes to me. I have thus far carried out every wish she had for her family, but that will have to end.

However, my oldest brother (thank goodness I only have two brothers) has already told me recently that he wants to move back home with his girlfriend (he is divorced and two of his three children are living in the upstairs quarters where he lived before his divorce). As soon as the two kids leave, his girlfriend will be selling her house and moving into the big house. (She had a cat but it died and will be getting no more) situation is this, my two brothers will live in the house, one upstairs, one downstairs, totally separate from each other except if they use the pool and patio area or the backyard. That would be shared common space.

Like many families there are family get togethers that are a big event. Ours is Christmas Eve, Fourth of July, now, including the celebration of my mothers birthday, even though she is gone all families are present for these events. These three events occur at the downstairs level of the house where my mother lived and where my younger brother is now living. (There are other winter events held inside, but I won't get into them). Even if I said, I would take over these events at my house, no one would come. I tried last year to have Christmas Eve at my house and no one wanted it here, they wanted it at the big house etc. choices are...sell the house and my older brother will disown me because he wants to move back in or prevent my younger brother from having cats and he will disown me, or I let my younger brother have the cats and I disown him because my family will be excluded from family events. Both have girlfriends willing to sell their homes to move into this one. So, you can image this house is much finer than what either of them own. To be honest, I like both of my brothers girlfriends and truthfully, have no problem with either of them moving in. Although, I think they are stupid to sell their houses. I don't know what I would do with them if something happened to my brothers. Then again, with my health problems, I will be dead first.

Today's housing market is not good either, and I would hate to sell the house right now.

I agree that once these girlfriends move into the house it will be come theirs, how could it not? They will have sold their houses in order to move in there.

I received a phone call from my ex-sister-law, we are still close and she told me that my brothers girlfriend Cathy would like to talk to me and that my brother is very upset and that this is family and all they want to do is move on and we have to work this out because family is important. She feels awful that this has happened. She is willing to put in hepa filters throughout the house etc. to control the cat dander. I give her credit for trying to come to a resolution, but to be honest she would be just wasting her money. I have cat asthma and she has two cats. No hep filter will solve the problem when the cats live in the house etc. But...I do give her credit for at least coming up with something.

Cathy does want to talk to me, but I still don't understand why. She told my sister in law that they were just trying to move on with their lives. What's not to get? I have no problem with them moving on with their lives. They just need to accept that I am not talking about them moving on with their lives, I'm talking about a dangerous health problem that will excludes my family from events which means I am excluded from the family. order to resolve this issue, you are correct when you said, this family needs to become disentangled. This means, that I will lose my family, probably not my older brother because as long as I let him live at the house, he will be happy with me. But, since I cannot go to the house because of my younger brother and the cat situation, I will need to disentangle my life with him, the cats, and his girlfriend.

I do enjoy the house, so that is another loss for me. I seem to be on the losing end. I lose access to a house I own because of cats. I lose my youngest brother, and I lose the family gatherings. I lose my money because I won't sell the house because I will lose my other brother.

I know exactly what my mother's wishes were, she told me many times. I just don't think I am going to be able to carry them out. That does make me sad, but I guess I need to move one myself from my family, which is sad in itself, but will happen. It will not get any worse than it is now because I won't fight over it. I will walk away. I have had time to think it over and I'm sure things will keep rolling around in my head. I will not argue with my younger brother and the cats.

What will be will be and I will sell when the time is right.

When the right time comes to sell the house, then so be it. I will sell it and we will all get our money. At this point, both my brothers will disown me because they don't want to sell.

Ha! I have my money tied up in a house, I can't even visit no one wants to sell and no matter what I do...I'm the bad guy. Life if life, but I am now not as stressed as I have several options on my plate to think about. I will keep you informed if you are interested on what happens.

I will also let you know how I make out at the pulmonary doctor I need to go see.

Take care... :)


Jocelyn - June 24

Oh you are right when you say my brother is dysfunctional he always has been. And yes, the girlfriends will feel the house is theirs because they are with my brothers and they live there. So, the cats have entitlement rights through my bother. :)

As far as me ever trusting my brothers words and promises, I will never believe him. And my husband is done helping him. He is on his own because he is entitles to be on his own and move on!


January - June 28

Jocelyn - After reading all of your post, I respectfully disagree with kvc about your house. I have experience with legal and estate issues. You have a stressful mess on your hands, and it will get worse if you don't clearly set the boundaries right now. You need a very good estate planning lawyer - it will be worth it in the long run. Remember YOU are the one in charge, YOU have the power to say what happens. Don't give away YOUR POWER. Your brothers, really, should be nice to you if they want to live in this lovely house. (Your mother sounds like a wise woman, she wrote the trust her way for a GOOD REASON! Because YOU are the clear headed one.) Please don't forget your power, and don't apologize for it! Just my opinion, but I've been through some of this myself, and it does not pay in the long run to be "nice" to people who are irresponsible - and abusive to you right up front?! My heart goes out to you, I know what a mess estate issues can be with family - and yes, Dr. Phil believes in "family first," but sometimes your family doesn't feel that way about you - if they aren't being nice to you, don't let them walk all over you. "It's not personal, it's business." Arrange everything in writing through a GOOD attorney - and have the attorney enforce it. Make anyone who wants to live in the house sign a clear agreement about what is allowed and what isn't, who pays for maintenance and damages, and WHO OWNS THE HOUSE. That will cut your stress level way down. If you don't do this, the house and the various tenants WILL cause you countless headaches. I have legal experience, and I can think of a LOT of things you need to protect yourself from if your brothers' girlfriends are living in the house. So, please, just get an estate planning lawyer! You also need to cover your rear with insurance issues, liability, etc. - and, depending on your state, maybe palimony lawsuits.

Below is what I wrote as I read through your posts - a little disjointed and repetitive...

The cats. You are so right. I'm allergic to cats. I read that lots of animal dander can be removed from a house with a proper cleaning - the one type of animal dander that will never leave a house is CAT dander. If you are allergic to cats and the cats move in just for a few days, you will NEVER be able to be in that house. (What if YOU should need the place down the line?) I know a couple people who developed serious medical problems because they moved into houses that had previously had cats. Clean, sterilize, steam, scrub, it won't remove the cat residue. You have a very valid point, especially since you now have lung problems. I'm sure you can find this information somewhere - I'm sorry I don't have a link to send you. Your young brother is completely wrong and uninformed, and you are correct. DO NOT let the cats move in at all, or the house is ruined for you. (Do your brother and Cathy care MORE about the cats than about YOU?? If so, they don't need to be in the house!) A letter from an attorney might help, since you have full legal control - if the cats do move in, you should sue for damages and loss of use of your portion of the house. Or threaten it anyway. Your mother was wise. The girlfriend might bring in a little money now, but in the long run, it could cost you more. I'd be careful about letting her pay for work on YOUR house - that could be legally messy. Since YOU have control over the trust, and you can say who lives there, do NOT allow this. Save yourself a big headache and let Cathy put her money into an apartment for your herself and your brother! Just my opinion! Don't bother with people who treat you badly. If Scott's abusive and "disowned" you, what do you owe him?) I love what Oprah quotes from Maya Angelou: People will tell you who they are - believe them the FIRST time. (I speak from painful experience!)

You need an attorney - do you know about mechanic's liens? If someone works on your house, and isn't paid, they can put a lien on your property. What if Cathy hires someone to do work and doesn't pay them? What if the work is inferior and messes up your nice house? You could be stuck holding the bag, liable for payments or you could lose your house. Just one example of many things that could go wrong. I'd be really careful about letting anyone not named in the trust put money into your house, because then they could claim it was theirs. Make them sign an agreement - for example, pay you rent and YOU use the money to make improvements. But you need good legal advice!! I'm not an attorney.

As for selling the house, this is the worst possible market! If you don't have to, I wouldn't do that. It could serve as rental property and bring you a good income if you need it later. If your mother had wanted the asset to be distributed equally now, she would have written it in the trust. YOU are the administrator and the trust document says YOUR word goes, so there you have it. YOU decide. The heck with losing a brother who doesn't appreciate you anyway. I'm older than you are, and I've been really, really nice to a lot of people. 95% of them took and walked away. My advice is take care of yourself, and preserve the assets your mother left you, as guardian, for your family. You don't need to "settle" anything right now in monetary terms and this isn't the market for selling. Do NOT permit your brothers to ruin a beautiful house.

Since you control the house, I would suggest you have the girlfriends sign documents giving up all claim to the house if they want to live there (for free, I assume?). You might also get a document saying they indemnify you from any lawsuits that arise due to their actions or their friend's actions on your property. You (the clear headed one) need to make sure that the house stays in good condition and in your family. A lot of things could go wrong. A girlfriend could fall on the stairs, break her back and sue you for a couple million. You never know what is going to happen with relationships, or what kind of crap people will pull when they are angry. That house is an asset that was meant to be passed down in the family. Inflation will probably come back in, and it will be worth even more. And yes, your brother(s) probably resent you for having control, but your mother had her valid reasons! Protect yourself from their resentment and any possible future sabotage by them or their girlfriends - girlfriends come and go.

2. This seems minor compared to the above, but it isn't. What are we all paying these doctors for?? Doctors who don't tell you test results should be reported to the medical boards. That is just WRONG. I'd be angry too! Again, I'd call a lawyer. Welcome to the fibro world where we all find out just how incompetent and sloppy MANY doctors are. Over a decade ago, I began getting copies of my medical records and reading them myself. They were FULL of errors! And guess what - you can't have an error in your records changed because what do you know? The DOCTOR wrote it (or didn't). All you can do is file a "statement" of your own opinion about the mistake - that statement might be read later, or might not. I wish all of us (if we had more energy!) would write the government and demand that doctors be held more accountable for bad behavior like this. Lawsuits aren't the answer, there should be something intermediate - all we have now is the Complaint process. I have lots of stories of bad treatment - and I've heard some that would curl your toes. People need to complain louder and write more letters. Lawyers usually won't bother with the "smaller" cases - but it's worth a complaint to the medical board, and also your insurance company. They are paying the bills, and if they are paying a doctor who is not doing his job, they like to know about it. ….sigh. If only we had the energy and concentration to stay on top of all this!

Hoping things will work out for you - maybe you can all come to a good agreement. I would still get it all in writing, done by a good attorney, and signed by everyone. A big house like that is a valuable asset, it's worth protecting!


Jocelyn - June 28


Thank you for all the information you provided. My husband and I have talked about this situation and we both agree that this is not the time to sell the property. We were really stumped as to how to handle the cat situation and you have given us the answer. I will contact an estate lawyer and go over what is happening with the people and the house. I never thought of law suits if a girlfriend got hurt or many other issues you brought to my attention. So. I will start searching for good estate lawyers in my district and make an appointment. I will have him draw up papers to serve to my brothers to sign when their girlfriends move in. etc. I think this is the best resolution to the problem. As far as losing any of my brothers, that has already happened. I refuse to be treated with verbal abuse and this is not his first time, as you probably have already guessed. This is the one straw that broke the camels back. So, he can resent me all he wants, because in my heart, I would never have brought any animal into a house that he owed along with me that he was allergic too. My mother left this house to us three children as her gift to US. Not the girlfriends.

I will keep you posted on this situation too.

On another note, I picked up my X-rays, the two previous X-rays came back normal, so I have to take back what I said earlier, however, my Rhuemy in Boston wants the disk and a copy of all the written reports, so I just brought them to him. It will be good to have a second opinion on what is seen.

Thanks again...I know where I am heading with a lot of things!


kvc33 - June 28

I think my former post was a bit misunderstood. I was suggesting selling the house not knowing what your market is like there, where I am it's fine. I do know that as long as you and your brothers try to 'share' this house there are going to be conflicts. As it stands now, you are getting nothing out of this property and they are getting a free place to live. As far as the cat issue goes, I'm no expert as to the health concerns. I tested allergic to cats yet I have one, don't notice any reaction to it and don't ever intend to get rid of him so we are all different when it comes to those things. You have to do what you think is best for your situation. When I said that the girlfriends will see the house as theirs, I was trying to warn you of legal ramifications. In Canada, a couple is considered to be in a common-law marriage if they have lived together for two years or more. This means having certain rights regarding property, access to children, etc. If your brother and girlfriends split up which is likely I think it is possible that the girlfriends could claim part ownership of the house but an attorney can better advise you on things like that. By quoting Dr. Phil I was in no way saying to go easy on your brothers, I was saying that this is a very messy situation and if you can find a way 'get out of each others lives', it would probably be for the best. I also see the house as an asset, not just a home. I'm not sure why your mother left things in her will the way she did but it does put you in a very unfavorable position because although you have control over the estate, it makes you the 'bad guy' when it comes to the opinion of your brothers. With alcoholics, no matter what you do they will have a grievance with you. I wish you all the best with this Jocelyn, you need to really think about what matters to you most - money, the house, your health, your brothers, or something else. When I say that I am not judging whatever choice you would make. On another note, I have decided not to post here anymore. I want to thank everyone for their support and listening ear. I no longer need it and am focusing on things that make me happy now.


Jocelyn - June 29


First, I want to say that I will truly miss you so very much and I mean that from my heart, I have considered you and January my best friends since I first posted on this site. I looked forward to seeing your post and loved reading everything you posted. You have given me great advice and I hope that from what you gave me I can pass that on to others who may post here looking for help. It is people like you and January who do make a difference.

I am sorry if you felt that you needed to reiterate what you meant from your above post. I did understand what you were saying and January had more advice to add. I've read the above posts from both of you over and over and took advice from both posts. Your time and effort as a friend was not wasted and is greatly appreciated. I do regret that I vented about a situation that had nothing to do with fibro, but when I was posting, things were just rolling out and stress does a number on fibro and I thought being friends, support would be great. And as usual, you and January came through.

Without either of you I would not feel as confident as I do now in what I am about to do. I know my mother put me in a difficult situation, but I do know why she did, however, what she wanted to accomplish may not be possible and I cannot be faulted for that. I will do my best and the rest will fall where it falls.

I have actually taken both of your advice's and am working on a resolution. It seems at this point you are no longer interested, but in case January reads this too, I want her to know, as well, that I have hired an estate planning lawyer to over see the house situation with me so that the resolution is done in the fairest way possible. This alone has eased my stress. He spent a lot of time on the phone explaining everything and how it works etc. I will meet with him in a few weeks when he gets back from his trip.

My health comes first, but I have discovered after all the care I took looking after my younger brother and his health (getting him to the doctors, helping him quit smoking by buying him the tools he needed to do so and giving him my support) and financially helping him out, I now know my health doesn't matter to him. That has been established and I gracefully accept that without anger. It is my fault that I put myself in that situation, I have no one to blame but myself. I have let the balloon go and my worries about him fly away. I have disentangled myself from him and that was great advice. I sleep well at night and my fibro has not been affected by it.

I understand your cat allergy. My son is like you, my daughter is like me. We are all so different just like with our fibro symptoms. I do want to keep the house cat free for future selling. I did look online to find out why cat dander poses such problems to some people and it can be a potential selling problem. I do remember when my husband I were looking for a home, I always asked if the people had a cat. We ended up building our own home in the end, but it is a selling issue, as I read online from other people.

Only my best wishes go out to you, have a happy healthy life and I do so hope that you feel well throughout your lifetime.

January, if you are reading this, I hope you don't leave me too! No matter what, one always needs a friend and your time and advice is greatly appreciated, as well.

Best to all and keep well.

KVC, sorry to hear you are leaving, take care (soft hugs)


January - July 1

Jocelyn - SO glad you found a good attorney. There are so many things people don't ever think about until they go wrong. When I was young, I worked in various legal areas, with some very good attorneys, thank god for that! Life also taught me some hard lessons, and I watched others go through things, so I tend to hire attorneys for complicated issues. Here's one example of stuff no one expects: I fell and hurt my back in my house, resulting in medical bills. Within a year, I got a questionnaire from a law firm - had I had an accident in the last 3 years? A fall? Where did it happen? Who was at fault? etc. I called the law firm, and they were contracted by my insurance company. So if I had fallen and hurt my back at my best friend's house - my insurance company would have brought a lawsuit against my best friend to recover the costs of my medical treatment - whether I wanted to sue them or not, they would have been sued. (That's why we have liability on our home insurance - hopefully!) Get the picture? IF you let the girlfriends live in the house, make sure you have LOTS of liability insurance just in case!

Sounds like your mother's intentions were to preserve the house for ALL of you to benefit from, and to pass it down in the family as an asset, and she placed YOU in charge because YOU are the most responsible person. That's fair. I think, with the proper arrangements and explanations to your brothers by an attorney, things might work out! Your brothers probably don't realize the jeopardy they would be exposing your family asset to! And if they are so selfish that they won't work together to preserve the house as your mother wanted, then again… you have your answer as to where their loyalties lie. I've had to make painful decisions with family members also. If someone treats you badly, never helps out, and doesn't care about anything except what you can give them, then what do you need them for? I don't miss them and I don't miss the stress.

I am very glad things have worked out so far, and especially glad you have an attorney to take this strain off you. Hopefully, if your brothers get educated about everything that is involved, they will realize you are doing the right thing!

Wishing you the best with it.


January - July 1

kvc - I hope you are not misunderstanding my post…? The only thing I "respectfully" disagreed with in your post was Jocelyn's selling the house. The housing market in the US is truly horrible right now. The rest of my post was not in response to anything you said. I wrote it as I was reading Jocelyn's post. You mentioned Dr. Phil in one capacity, but I mentioned him a different capacity.

I sincerely hope you did not take my post for Jocelyn as an argument or challenge to anything you said - because it was not that at all. It was just my own take on it, a bit different than yours. I also wish that you would stay on the site. You have posted a lot of valuable and intelligent information, and I know you've helped a lot of people out.

Don't know why you have decided to leave, and I respect your decision if it's final. But, like Jocelyn says, I will miss you, and I'm sure many others will, who read your posts but don't actually write on here. Maybe you'll come back later….? Take care.


Jocelyn - July 2


The estate attorney is going to be a great help. What we touched base on just talking on the phone was unbelievable. Like you said, there are a lot of things to concider, looking back, I really wasn't doing a great job. I was just trying to balance my brothers emotionally needs from my mothers death and not looking at the big picture. I look forward to meeting with my lawyer once he is back from his trip at the end of July.

I believe my older brother will listen to me without having to have the lawyer talk to him, however, I don't believe my younger brother will. He just feels he is entitled to life at this point.

Either way...if he won't talk to me or the lawyer, he will have to go live somewhere else. I don't want to do that but within a year, he has paid into the estate for living expenses $3,500.00, this includes the real estate taxes, heat, cable, including interent, and special programs, house insurace, electric, water, gas, sewerage, pool expenses and lawn expenses. So...who is footing the bill. The upstairs, my older brother's children. The account would have dwindled before this, but my older brother dropped 5k into the account the year my mother died because both he and I gave my mothers money back to him because she felt Scott didn't have any retirement etc. Legally, we didn't have to, but we both did it because we knew that was one of my mothers wishes. Scott, spent it on himself, so that was not good. Scott is for Scott, plain and simple. No obligations, just have fun and that is it. His fun is about to end!



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