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Relationship with Husband
14 Replies
jwm - January 6

Does anyone else have this problem? I have zero desire for sex and my husband doesn't seem to get it or care if I don't he just tries constantly to talk me into having sex. I hate it. It is ruining our marriage. Does anyone else experience a libido like this? Is it the fibro?

 

hallejoe - January 7

Libido is different for everyone. I think having him understand your feelings is the bigger issue. I would suggest going to counseling before there is too much of a wedge in the marriage. My husband and I go every 3 years or so just to tweak our marriage stuff. Intimacy is hard when you have pain in the forefront of your mind. My husband does massage on my feet, back or hamstrings daily to create intimacy and make me feel better. I appreciate his generosity and feel more inclined to reciprocate in ways that are satisfying to him.

 

jaimeislove - January 7

Are you on any medications? If so, check the side effects. Some meds (a lot of depression/anxiety meds) have a side effect that can impact your sex drive.
Jaime

 

smores - January 10

YES!! No libido at all and from about 3-4:00 pm on I just feel like I can hardly keep my eyes open I am so exhausted from the day. Even taking a shower around 7-8:00 pm doesn't revive me or my drive.

 

colleen steele - January 11

Hi jwm...I know exactly what you mean. My husband and I had this problem. I lost my libido a while back. I put some of the blame on him though.He has a lack of concern for my feelings or if I am hurting or not as long as he was satisfied. I would do it anyway to keep the peace,even at times it was excrutiating for me and literally be in tears , tears he could see. That did't matter to him though.That only helped me want him even less. If he would have done something to help me relax or feel better things might have been different. But alas it had a big part in our demise and we are now going through a divorce.If you still hold some hope for your marriage and you still love him,I hope you can educate him on the fibro and how it hurts you. I tried to no avail . He was very closed minded on my illness so I just gave up,the stress was just to much. I really pray for you that you can help him help you. I hate to see anyone's marriage end because of this,it was a choice that was right for me after many years of trying to get him to get it. Good luck and good health to you, and remember you have alot of friends here.....Sincerly , Colleen

 

Paul - January 13

Hi ,JWM. I am new to the whole FM thing latel.I was scouring the forums and came across your post.If you are stating that you have lost your libido, then that is easily understandable.As a husband,I experience the same things with my wife tho', she may hqave different reasons.Is it a lack of energy,or pain?Or both? If these are the reasons,then yes, he should be understanding and be sensitive to your needs.However, and i speak as a man here, we men are wired differently and do seem to need sex more frequently than women.Intimacy is important in a relationship and making it a reg. part of your marriage is important.If FM is part of the reason tho', he shouldn't be insensitive to this.To do so would be unloving.If your loss of libido is due to other reasons,you should review this.It sounds like you're both suffering as a result of FM and that is unfortunate. Some sort of compromise should be reached between you.Set a time and place.I know that might sound silly but, trust me,it helps deal with the issue rather than "No.I don't feel like it ", all the time.We husbands get frustrated too.But we are alot more understanding than alot of women give us credit for.If discussing this with him doesn't work, then he is being unsympathetic and uncaring. Counseling? I doubt it. If a couple can't talk thru their problems,the problems lies within not wanting to communicate in the first place.A third party MIGHT help.Try writing down your needs and wants(both of you) and discuss then in a calm setting,not necessarily home where most of the problems seem to occur.An outside setting seems to work at times.Patience,love and understanding,as well as intimacy are the best ingredients for a succesful relationship.But then we all know this already,right?<:) Just something I've tried personally.I hope you are able to sucessfully work thru your difficulties more easily in the future.Keep the faith.

 

catya - January 13

I have fibro and have the low libido too. It doesn't make for a great marital relationship so I can relate. I also have hypothyroidism and this contributes. I'm just starting to take charge of my symptoms and visit the appropriate doctors and naturopaths and get physical therapy. Try to stay positive, you don't have to do it all alone.

 

amazedfool9 - December 21

I have been having this issue for quite some time too. I have asked my doctor in the past and it seems as if this is something that I will have to live with. That is fine and good, but it's not just me. I too feel like my marriage is in jeopardy!

 

toots2889 - December 23

Jwm- I know exactly how you feel and have had the same problems. My husband sounds much like yours! Thats alot of why were seperated now and getting a divorce.
He would push and push, not caring how he was making me feel. I felt like it was my fault and I would feel guilty all the time. He couldnt deal with my fibro and I dont think he wanted to try. I suggested counseling and he wouldnt go, so I knew there was nothing left. I was tired of trying to make him understand what i was going through. It was only making things worse for me and the stress was to much. I needed to start working on myself and doing for myself. Weve been seperated for a year now and as hard as it was for me and our children, I think it was best. We havent divorced due to the lack of funds right now to do so.
Since then I have alot less weight on my shoulders and found it to have helped me. I can only wish you the best of luck and hoped my post will help alittle. Their are no right or wrong answers here except the ones we choose. Dig deep inside both of you and hopefully you can find the right answers. God bless and take care.

 

ddavies - January 18

I have it big time. My marriage is still together but I am at the point I don't even sleep in the same bed. I have no desire and like you say they don't understand. I don't even remeber the last time we had sex. It has to be atleast 3 months or more. It is sad.

 

axxie - January 18

Just wanted to comment, don't know your age, but do see a gyno, you may need extra help such as more hormone, lubricant, etc. I find when I go see my accupuncturist, he is well aware of women's problems and fibro. By the time I finish I'm feeling no pain and not as tired. That's when I am suitable for sex. As for men being atune to our pain, forget it, just live with the fact that's is how things are and find something suitable for you to manage your pain.

 

ddavies - January 18

For me I don't even have the urge and haven't had since I had my son 12 years ago and after I had my hystorectomy 2 years ago it is nil now. I feel nothing.

 

sazzly - January 19

An SUV drove through my bedroom last April. Since then i have had no sex drive whatsoever. Two months ago a Chiropractor who believes I have fibromyalgia recommended SottoPelle natural hormonal implants. It has been 4 and a half weeks since I had the pellets implanted (blood work showed I only needed testosterone)and after approx. 2 weeks ny libido was starting to return to normal and now is once again in full swing. Though I am still in constant pain, the level of it has subsided some and a bit of hope has been restored. Hopefully with hormone levels corrected the therapy will start helping my body to heal and life can return to some normalcy.

 

sunset731 - January 23

My husband and I also have this struggle. He is extremely supportive in many ways but if I get frustrated by my fibro, I guess I have to understand when he gets frustrated too. For me the fatigue is a factor and I am sure that all the meds I am on don't help but the biggest problem is PAIN! I hurt from head to toe but my legs have always been the worst..sometimes it hurts even to be hugged which is icky because I am a very touchy feely person. I am working on rediscovering a new me and part of this is getting creative.. including in the bedroom! Peace and good health to all....sunset731

 

sahmraw - January 29

I have opposite problem. My husband does not want sex with me!! I have a high libido, despite the pain. But because sex hurts me, he does not want it. We are on the brink of divorce because I feel so rejected by him....

 

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