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Okay I lost it!!
8 Replies
Shau Marie - September 24

A little background on myself. I have been diagnosed with MS for over a decade. I have had two major surgeries in less than two years and I'm undergoing the process to find a diagnosis for Fibro or whatever it is I have been dealing with for over four years. I started a couple of years ago really losing it an not being able to stop what comes out of my mouth. I blew up at my father on my birthday and unloaded a lot of abuse that I have held pent up for 40 years. I got so angry with my husband that I was going to leave him over something very insignificant and just the other day I blew up at the grocery store. I was in the check out lane with maybe 11 items. I had been stumbling all over the store due to my poor gait and as I approached the checkout counter I stumbled again. Behind me I heard a woman say "What is she drunk" and a wheeled on my her. I stated that she was a stupid, inconsiderate b**ch and I walked out of the store and left everything there. I cried in my car (as I tend to do so often these days) and when I got the courage to go inside again I quickly paid for my items, gave my apology and feld. This is not like me!! I am the peacekeeper of my family. I don't want to be a doormat, but i don't want to fall to these comments. It is not as if I haven't heard the drunk comment many times in my life with years of MS. Does anyone out there have these emotional outbursts and erratic bahavior? I am starting to really scare myself. What is happening to me?


Shau Marie - September 24

I should add that these symptoms of anger, irritability, crying,and hopelessness, seem to come on when the symptoms get worse or flare.


Fantod - September 24

Shau Majrie you are definitely not alone in your feelings. We are all overwhelmed at some point or another with this illness. Just managing to get through the day is a real struggle. The solution for me was 1) REALLY acknowledging how ill I am 2) REALLY acknowledging that I am angry that my life will never be the same. Easier said than done. I've stopped trying to save everyone else and the world at large because it is not a productive use of my time and precious energy. There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings in a constructive manner. As for the unkind comments of the general public, use the opportunity to gently educate them. You might counter a comment like that with " I may appear drunk to you but in fact, I have a neurological problem that affects how I walk." Believe me, that will do more to put someone in their place than name-calling or anything else. It is always easier to do the wrong thing than the right thing every time. I think that you could use some tools to help you cope better. Have you considered going to a mental health professional? Sometimes even a short course of therapy will work wonders. There is nothing to be ashamed of here, you are doing the best you can. All of us have done or said things we regret; myself included. But under the circumstances you have described, I have the impression that you are on your last nerve and could use some professional guidance. Take care.


Shau Marie - September 25

Fantod, thanks for you helpful advice. I have printed what you wrote and will try to go over and over it to halp me. I am sincerely not the attacking kind. I don't even recognize myself sometimes. I have had help in the past for MS issues of helplessness. Maybe it is time to talk to someone again.


Fantod - September 25

Shau Marie - I am quite sure that you are a lovely person. If I implied anything else in my previous message, I apologize. You are just completely exhausted trying to deal with so many health related issues. Daily living is such a challenge for me. I can not imagine having MS on top of my various ailments. You deserve a lot of credit for being brave enough to share your outburst with the rest of us. I'm glad my suggestions were helpful to you. Take care.


Shau Marie - September 26

No offense takin, fantod! I sincerely appreciate your good advice. That is exactly what I am here for, the truth. :)


trans - October 8

ShaU Marie,
I think what you are going through is normal. Only people who have fibro can truly understand it. People we encounter in our day to day lives don't have a clue what we are dealing with!!!!!!!!!!! You need to do what is best for you and not worry about others. I have a lot of anger also and it does seems to go in spurts. Unfortunately, I turn to food when I am upset instead of dealing with it, so then I create yet another problem for myself by being obese. Sometimes, I feel like I am holding in a good cry for weeks, I think we need to get all of this negative energy out of us. Hang in there and do the best you can do, no one should expect any more of you than that. God Bless, Rosie


Shau Marie - October 10

Thanks for your kind words Rosie. Every day i am working to de-stress and not hold my feelings in. My husband is thrilled. Ha! Ha! he bears the brunt of my anger and that's not fair. So I am trying to deal with it all. I turn to food also and I am craving chocolate (which I don't really care for). Crazy illness!


txsunsets - October 10

Shau Marie, I understand what you are going thru. However, when i get overwhelmed i cry. That is so not like me. I don't let anyone see me cry. I am having a major flare up right now. I haven't been to work in three days. I have cried to my office manager twice today, my doctor and my sister. My sister understands more then anyone because her husband has RA. Any way i think we all deal with this illness in different ways. Hang in there. When you feel angry get online and write it down. We are her for you even if you just need to rant. Keep your head up. You are dealing with alot and you deserve to rant once in awhile. Good luck



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