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Need your imput on this guys
2 Replies
kvc33 - January 12

Okay, for the last 17 years I have been dealing with severe physical and mental illness. That in itself has been hell but there has also been other stressors on top of it such as lack of funds, lack of friendship and support and a partner who is a recovered hoarder. The other stressor has been my landlord situation. The lady I rent from lives right next to me on the same property. She is very old now. She has had dementia for at least four and a half years now. He son has taken over the running of the property etc, but that hasn't helped. She really should be in a care home but the 'system' apparently won't take her and her son says they don't have the money to pay for it themselves. She spent many thousands over the years on cruises but didn't plan for her end of life care. She keeps calling me and knocking on my door asking for help because she can't find something and is confused. I've done my best to be patient but I have really had enough. She has also had cancer for years but she just keeps going. Her son basically has lied to me over the years telling me that she would go and live in a suite in his house but instead he rented it out. Then he told me that he would put her in care but never did. At one point about a year and a half ago she had home support workers coming by for 15 minutes every day to watch her make a sandwich and take a pill. When the pills weren't effective they stopped that service. Now she goes to a day care program a few days a week and everyone thinks that is just fine. It isn't. I believe she is in danger but her son brushes off my concerns every time I talk to him about it and I have no authority over the situation. It has just gone on for so long that I want to scream. I feel like I am a bad person because I no longer want to be supportive but I know that I just can't do it any more. I have had to rescue her a number of times because she was about to leave the property on her own and other times her smoke detector goes off (I can hear it) because she has left something on the stove and she doesn't now how to deal with it. I feel imposed upon. If I weren't ill myself I wouldn't mind but I've really had enough. I have decided not to answer her calls or door knocks anymore and that is leaving me feel like I am a terrible person. We are not related and have never been friends and it just isn't my responsibility. I really hate living here right now. I know that one day soon I'm going to get a knock on my door from someone telling me that she's dead or she will come to me in a very bad state because she can't cope. I'm dreading it. I would love to just fly off to Hawaii but I'm too ill for that! My bf is going on a cruise in 9 days and I plan to spend a lot of time at his place just getting peace and quiet and away from here.


January - January 12

Hi kvc. This sounds like possible elder abuse. You might check the phone book for a state Office on Aging, and give them a call. Dealing with state agencies is always dicey - they may or may not help, depending on the person you get on the phone. Another option is to check with a place that runs charities (a Catholic church?) or social work (a local hospital should have a social worker on duty). You might even consider calling AARP. Any of these places could (hopefully) give you ideas of the best place to call in your area. Make sure you let them know the woman is ill and has dementia, and she is not being properly cared for (seemingly neglected by her son), and is a danger to herself.

Bless your heart for trying to do something to help this poor lady out.


kvc33 - January 13

I'm in Canada and the system is just as bad or worse than her son. He believes that he is doing his best for her and I wouldn't be able to convince him or a social worker otherwise. Unless you can pay for your own care now, the care you get can be shoddy. There are some good places but since she is at the point where she won't live much longer I don't even think they would take her. I asked if she was going to go into Hospice but was told no, that her palliative care will be done in her home. That means caregivers coming and going again and possibly disturbing me like last time. I have put a sign on my door saying Do not disturb for now and if she gets palliative care here, I will put up a sign telling care workers that they are not to disturb me for any reason. She just needs to die, she is suffering and her quality of life isn't good anymore.



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