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Maintaining Relationships
8 Replies
eriey - May 7

I was wondering if anyone else has trouble maintaining relationships with people? I have a really difficult time. It always seems to happen that when I'm having the worst bout of symptoms and suffering the most is when my friendships deteriorate. I end up being told that the deterioration is my fault because I never want to do anything anymore or I'm judgemental and harsh. I guess I don't think I'm being harsh, but I wonder if I say these things because I'm not feeling well and I don't realize it.
I'm just wondering if this is just me that feels like this?


txplowgirl - May 8

Yes, I know what you're going through. I try to be pleasant with people but I am always being told that I am being bitchy. I don't realize that i am, this is the way i have been ever since i can remember, but then i have been in pain and have felt like crap since i was 8.
Hang in there.



eriey, I can relate to what you say about fibro and friendships. I don't do nearly much as I use to with my friends since I just don't feel like doing anything like I use to. I miss it and sometimes my friend just doesn't understand. I don't really get harsh with my friends,I keep it to myself and get mad or depressed because they think I just don't want to hang out like I use to. Some days when I am having a good day I try to get with at least my best friend and go do something.


Nimu - May 8

Hi Eriey,Living with pain is something that very few people can understand. Would you like to somehow take sometime and reflect when are the times your friendships seem to take a down turn? Having to explain friends and family is tough as well. What I have leant to do is to circulate to friends and family as much information as I can on FMS and they have a better understanding of when I have an a bout or episode. All the best, Nimu.


axxie - May 9

Who doesn't have trouble maintaining relationships with people, look I'm 52 now, and I have limited patience and trust me there are times I just bite my tongue because I could very well start wwIII if you know what I mean. I mostly enjoy being by myself now and I have stopped worrying about other people think. I simply don't have the energy to care, because I'm trying to stay sane when I get a real bad episode of fibro. I go to bed early and I return my calls when I can, and I don't answer the phone anymore. I let it go to my recording and if a friend calls and I don't return their call for a few days, I don't even apologies anymore. Take me the way I am or leave me be. I don't feel that it's my fault, because it isn't so. So I have stopped thinking about it. Your friends will remain a distant friend, no matter what you do, because some days you don't have the energy or the will to do anything except veg on the couch. So why put yourself through sheer angony when you can try to find something that will make you feel better. Anyway why does it have to be you that needs to worry about your relationships with your friends, let your friends worry about your relationship. My friends all know that I have fibro and some days I'm good and other days I'm not good. I have stopped making excuses and so you should also.


markATL - May 9

I'm married to a saint so that relationship is in good working order, thank God! I have lost friendships and people at work avoid me because I'm always in pain so I have a grimace due to the pain. I never want to do anything but I force myself to do things my spouse enjoys. It is easier for me because I'm better than I used to be (less pain) but when my Fibro was in full attack mode, I could not do anything except sit and whine about it. So, it is tough. Try to just hold on to the hope that this thing could get better for you and you'll have less pain, too. But, yes, I agree with you. People treat me differently. Good luck!


Fantod - May 10

Yep - been there and done that. I can be as mean as a sunburned rattle snake with not a lot of provocation. It is pretty darn hard to be pleasant all of the time when you are chronically tired and in pain.

I don't know about you, but I get really fed up with having to repeat myself about why I don't feel good. It gets old fast and nobody else really seems to "get" it unless they have FMS too.

I totally agree with axxie. You have to stop making excuses and feeling bad about your limitationsz. If your friend's can't understand than you need to rethink the nature of the relationship. This is not about being selfish. It is a matter of self preservation and keeping your sanity. Be happy with you and grateful for anything that you CAN do not matter how trifling. Take care.


diva42597 - May 11

I have an impossible time with relationships too. It's so tough to accept that people that you're close too will never truly understand what we go through. Many don't even accept our pain as valid. That is hurtful and difficult. I have had so many failed relationships as a result of fibro...sometimes I wonder if I'm even meant to be with someone.


eriey - May 13

Thanks everyone for your advice. It's been really difficult over the years. I think I've come to realize that my anxiety has also been a major factor in why my relationships seem to be so difficult.
But thank you all. It's nice to find a place like this where so many people know exactly what each other are going through. :)



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