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Love & Relationships?
18 Replies
Adaire - March 12

hi. I have been in pain for quite a few years now, it has been REALLY hard (as you all know) and I haven't had a boyfriend in all this time. Just struggling through life has been enough, and I haven't really felt like I have anything left to give to someone else. My self esteem has suffered so much in the past few years. People always tell me that I'm pretty, and wonder why I'm alone, but I wonder who would ever want to take me on with all this "stuff". Have any of you managed to keep a love relationship going throughout this pain? Have any of you actually 'attracted' a mate after you got sick (who has been understanding & loved you anyway)? I guess I am feeling a bit hopeless, which is sad since I am pretty young still. I'd love to hear your stories on this. Thanks so much.

 

old lady - March 12

Adair, My 24 yr. old has FMG and Herpes and a host of other problems. She found some one who is really beneath her status who simply didn't care.
I have a son who would be sympathetic as his wife has a host of aliments including FMG and is allergic to just about everything. I guess it just takes a while to find the right one.
Don't settle for second best as my granddaughter did. There are some guys or men out there who have empathy but they are rare. Wait for the right one and go out but don't tell about your problems right away.

 

Adaire - March 14

That's it? No one else has a good relationship with this? well if I thought I was depressed before.... I certainly am NOW.

 

JJ1 - March 14

I have been married for 25 years and have only had FMS for 6 or so years, so not the same situation as you. But my marriage has not suffered and my husband is very supportive. We also have three children, two still at home and the third a freshman in college.

 

JJ1 - March 14

I wouldn't take the few responses to your post to mean that no one has found love with FMS -- just that no one who has found love has visited this website and read your post.

 

larry - March 14

Adaire, You have alot to offer. Try to find a fibro and fatigue center ear you. They have healed thousands of people with fibro. Fibro is very treatable, despite waht most doctors understand. FibroandFatigue.com. You can be to normal in 6 months w/o any pain or any of the symptoms. They worked for me....

 

Adaire - March 15

Larry I was looking for an answer about having a relationship, thats it... if I wanted an advertisment, I could look up or down on this page... quite insensitive. I also live in Canada and don't have a gazillion dollars to spend on that so....

 

larry - March 15

Sorry Adaire, You seem so sad, confused, hopeless and looking for help. I misunderstood your message, I thought you wanted help on getting well so that you could have a healthy love relationship. I didn't think you wanted help and info on staying sick and trying to have a healthy love relationship. Anyway, your response is extremely rude. I gave you a referral, not an advertisement-there is a huge difference. It doesn't sound like you are ready for my referral anyway. Theoadora's website and book recommendations on the mind-body connection might be a better choice for you. There is also e-harmony.com , a dating website that matches people with other people based on several different dimensions of your life. You could input your data on your illness and see if anyone is attracted to that dimension of your life. Personally, I think you would have better luck on attracting a healthier love relationship if you focused on reversing your illness now and then letting your love flow, as opposed to your illness. Good luck on whatever route you take.

 

BrandyO - March 15

Hello Adaire, I have had fibro since I was 12. I will be 53 on Sat. I have been married twice. My first marriage was very short (3 years) and didn't work out , but it wasn't because of my illness. Other things happened ..... he and I remained friends to this day for our daughters sake. When I was single again at age 25 I figured who would want me. I was not in the best of health and I had a 2 year old to boot. But to my surprise Mr Right came along just 9 months after my first marriage broke up. I wasn't interested in getting married again so soon, so we dated for 6 years. He saw me at my best and at my worse. He loves me unconditionally and treats my daughter as his own. There are wonderful men out there. Try your best to stay positive and good things will come your way. We attract what we give. I wish you many blessings. Brandy

 

Adaire - March 15

Wow Larry! You want to talk about RUDE? Yeah... I'll go strait to eharmony.com and tell them all about my illness to see if "anyone is attracted to that dimension of my life." and NO "I didn't want help and info on staying sick" you are a total JERK! Can you respond to ANYONE'S posts in a personal human way? Or do you have to sell those centres in your EVERY reply? And don't yoou play passive aggressive and try to psychoanalyze me. I am not only "focusing" on my illness, anyone who has read my posts would know that. Yes, the mindbody connection does interest me and at least it doesn't cost THOUSANDS of $$$$$$......... So why don't you go back to fighting with all those other people on fibromyalgia.md about your "incredible fibro centres", looks like you're making friends all over the net.... snoodles!

 

Adaire - March 15

Dear Brandy: Thank-you so much for telling me your story. I know there are wonderful men out there, I guess I just needed to hear it from someone who knows what I am going thru. You sound like a great person, I'm glad you have someone who loves you so much. I won't lose hope! Thanks and take care :)

 

JoniB - March 17

Hi Adaire. I was married for almost a decade. I divorced him because of verbal/emotional abuse. This was the most difficult decision of my life! My fibro played a small part in the divorce. I have dated several men since 1999. I don't tell them about my illness till after 3 or 4 dates, so they can see what I can do. Usually it is NOT a deal breaker. I just mention how I need my "beauty sleep" and try not to complain to them much about the other symptoms. Focus on solutions rather then the problem. When you have enough other good qualities it doesn't matter if you have fibro. I now live with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs. Our biggest problem is my 2 teenagers. I just wish I could get more back rubs from from my boyfriend and kids. Don't give up...I believe a good attitude plays an important role in relationships and on your body. Try to stay positive & remember that you have your looks going for you! Odds are in your favor of finding love as long as you are active in seeking. Usually it comes when you least expect it! When you do find it, hugs are wonderful & pain seems less when you are around someone who you are comfortable with. If a man is not caring or compassionate...you don't want him anyway. That is how you can "weed" them out. I hope that you feel better. Good luck in your search! Joni

 

Adaire - March 18

Thanks Joni. I appreciate you taking the time to write. Support is so important in whatever form we can get it. Btw, sorry everyone for kinda flipping out on that Larry guy... I found his comments so insensitive. I've seen him picking fights in other fibromyalgia chat rooms, so I reacted. I didn't mean to offend anyone else if I did.

 

Fantod - March 19

Hello Adair - I think that "old lady" has exactly the right idea. You will find the right person, probably when you least expect it. I am very fortunate to have been in a 27 year relationship. Like anyone else, we have had our ups and downs. But, at the end of the day we both know that letting things like FMS or anything else get in the way is a waste of precious time. Yes, there have to be some accomodations for my health issues. It isn't always convenient or nice but with the proper level of commitment it works itself out. I count my blessings that I have someone in my life that is able to dig deep when it realy counts to see me through. I hope my response was helpful to you in some small way.

 

Connie - March 20

Hey Adaire. I have stayed away from posting because of the "Larry" stuff, but wanted to respond to you because I have been single and found a great husband and partner while living a full life with fibro.I'm 53 and very happy. My life is fantastic and my husband loves and likes me just the way I am. I am not a condition or a set of symptoms, rather an entire person. Think outside the box. I know you are spunky enough to find that special someone who is out there looking for you. I know who I am and what my life needs. I'm happy, and proactive. I was up front with all of the men I dated, and not one of them ran away. It took almost a year to find my guy and the price of e-harmony and perfect match. I just hung in there. Truth be told, most people spend more time choosing a new car than finding a rewarding mate. I decided I was worth the best, and that is exactly what I got. Good Luck. You go girl!!
By the way... isn't it interesting that a person can be "normal" in 6 months,(as Larry says) but still hang out on all the fibro sites stiring things up?? :-)

 

teresat - March 23

Adaire, how old are you (just a range if you like)? How long has it been since your last relationship? I had a relationship when this whole FMS thing started, but I found that it was adding to my stress!!! Some times it is better to be alone! I am a co-dependant & always attract the WRONG kind of man, LOL!! Believe me ,there are plenty of "fish in the stream" & you will find some one when the time is right! BTW, Larry is really a girl named Kathy, LOL!!!! That is ALL she ever says & she's been on this site for WAY MORE than six months HUH?

 

david251180 - March 25

Hi Adaire

I,m David and i still think i,m young 26 but still lookin 18ish lol Relationships are possible I had a 5 yr relationship from wen i was 20 up until i was 25 now ok it did end but it didnt have much to do with the fact that i was ill. Since i have been on a few dates but i do have to admit when ur ill u have to be alot more picky about the person ur looking for they do have to be very understanding and there are people out there who are my best friend samantha she loves me 2 bits and i feel the same about her and we spend alot of time together and when i,m really ill she will come round cook me tea and give me a cuddle and a kiss and always makes me feel better i,m not sayin that i dont get down sometimes and think why would anyone want me cos i do, but when i,m feelin ok ish i load myself up with painkillers and sam and i go out on the town and the answer to ur question about managing to attract people after getting sick yes i have ok its been harder but it is possible, ok not sure how much sense i,ve made or if i have just woffled on but we can have relationships dont give up xx

 

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