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Looking for help for a dear friend
4 Replies
beloved_friend - March 16

I have a friend who was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a year and a half ago, and I don't know what else to do to help her. When she was first diagnosed she was actually sleeping pretty much all day on a blow up mattress on her livingroom floor for almost 3 years before she was diagnosed. A month ago she finally put the blow up mattress away and now goes up the stairs to her own bed!! But that is all she wants to do, I understand her pain and not wanting to do anything, but not having her condition I cannot understand it fully, although being a cancer free person for the last 4 years, I think I can..alas, I dont have fibromyalgia so... anyway, I constantly try and get her to go for walks with me even if it's around the block and she refuses. I love her to death, but I dont know what else to do, she refuses to go to counseling as she is always depressed, she refuses to do anything. I am getiing fed up. I don't want to walk away but I seem to get depressed every single time I am around her and I hate that feeling. I also lost a son and understand major depression, it took me 6 very long years to get help and to the top of that mountian and enjoy life. So I am asking for help for me to help her, or do I do like everyone else in her life and walk away until she gets help? I so very much don't want to do that, I cannot even begin to describe how bad I don't want to do that, but what else do I do? I hope someone could help me with this. Thanks for your time. Dani


JoniB - March 17

Dani, it sound like you have been through a lot! Try not to get depressed. You sound like a good friend. Maybe one of these days she will actually go for a walk with you. Usually people with fibro need more sleep and exercise, but when you feel so bad, who wants to get up & move? I don't, but we must force ourselves or we become more stiff & sore. My little dog helps to get me moving. Does she live alone? I appreciate having friends or neighbors who are concerned. Things like some leftover food, beverages, reading material and support are nice. I try to do things for myself that appease the senses. For example: bubble baths, candles, good music, paint my nails, or get on the computer. What interests does she have? I know that winter months are the most difficult...maybe she will go out when the weather is warmer and the sun is shining. Does she see a Dr. regularly and is she on medications? Information is power and she does need to help herself too. Having the encouragement from friends is good. She probably does appreciate you but needs to tell you or show you. I think it is great that you care enough to ask for advice. You sound like a sensitive person which has many good qualities in itself. Don't give up. Hopefully she'll come around. Take care & be good to yourself too! Joni


yannie - March 17

I know your friend is lucky to have your support and friendship...I lost alot of friends when all I could do is work, come home and crash - social life is e-mail more than going out...and the phone even uses my limited energy to focus on a conversation when I am tired. Perhaps there is a fibro support group in your area and someone would visit her and help her find ways to tolerate and live with fibro - it can be done but it is a test of will and balance of prioities in life. Inactivity does not help improve the pain and stiffness of fibro. There are meds, physical therapy, massage and diet changes that help. You need to protect yourself from stress since you have battled cancer...and stress weakens your immune system. I will pray for both of you - keep in touch with this forum and let us know how it is working out...maybe your friend can find helpful solutions here.


beloved_friend - March 17

Thank you Joni and Yannie. She had many interests at one point but now she has really none, unless she can lay down and watch her anime, which is really not my thing. LOL She has a brother and sister who have pretty much given up on her, her parents both passed, and she has a son who is 16 an God love him he has tried as well, but still he pretty much has given up on her too. My daughter (21) has also tried, but tells me that she is too depressing to be around, so she rarely goes over there. We used to have these big card nights where a bunch of people came over and played cards, had a few drinks and just layed back and enjoyed the night, she no longer wants to do that. Her son at one point asked her several times to go to the local YMCA with him and she refused so he just stops asking. I have done some research about this condition and found that her diet is so bad for it, her smoking is as well, her lack of ambition for doing anything is also. I have printed out things from various websites about those factors and plan on bringing them over to her when I visit in a couple of days, maybe just maybe it will help. Thanks for the prayers and advice. Oh, she does go to the doctor and in all honesty I don't think they care too much as they perscribe her different meds on a regular basis, which is a whole different problem, and drop her as a patient. She has had 4 in the last 1 1/2 years and her current one is trying to find her someone else, as they both agree she is not the doctor who can help her. Dani


Iinda - March 27

Dani you truly are a beloved friend. How kind for you to look for help for your friend like this. Its hard to understand how depressed & apathetic a person can become when chronically ill. Do what you can to be there for her but not at your own expense. we should all be so lucky to have a friend who cares as much as you do. Hugs to you!



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