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Keeping a Relationship
3 Replies
vavaughn - March 12

Is it really possible to keep a relationship going with someone that doesn't have fibromyalgia? I have been in a loving live in relationship for almost 2 years.

In the past we talk about everything and always are open and honest. My fibro flare-ups are now closer and closer together and is effecting my life greatly. I'm even considering short-term disability from work.

Of course we all know how it goes, I can't do much around the house. What use to be part of every, cleaning and keeping a running household is now not in the picture. I've tried to talk to my boyfriend about my illness but he doesn't do much talking.

I can feel that there is a rift in our relationship now. I think that he is holding out that things will get better with the new doctor I am seeing. I've tried to explain to him that things are not going to change much.

Given the fact that I already feel there is a growing lack of intimacy, I don't see how things are going to get better. Anyone have any suggestions on how to encourage openness, get intimacy back into the picture and keep our relationship? I'm interested in any suggestions. Thank you for your help!


kvc33 - March 12

My bf and I have been together for nine years. We both have CFS and Fibro. Mine is much worse than his. I believe our relationship works because he is a very patient person and likes to take care of someone. Most people aren't like that. I think you need to find out exactly what it is that your partner isn't happy with. I doubt it's the fact that you can't do housework, but perhaps you need to get someone in to help. Although common-law relationships are very common these days, the fact that you aren't married tells me that you both have reservations. My bf and I do not live together because we know it wouldn't work that way.


powderblue - March 22

Dear Vavaughn

Relationships are difficult when you have a chronic illness and people can tire if you not being well and they keep hoping that you will miracously get better. So many people expect in todays world that there must be a drug or some new cure as so many diseases that were untreatable in the past can now be helped which makes prognosis for chronic conditons that much harder to accept. Trying to get people to accept that you are going to probably have this for the rest of your life can be difficult to digest. I guess you need to get to the bottom of his expectations of the relationship and what he expects you to contribute. By you not being able to cook and clean and run a household like you were before and communication being strained I imagine this will be impacting on your stress levels and possibly aggravating your illness. Sometimes having a partner who is more accepting and doesn't put pressure on you to be what they or others expect of you allows you to pace yourself and not aggravate your condition. I recently met my boyfriend who has fibromyalgia eight months ago. It was purely coincidental that we both have it and he said he didn't normally tell people about it.I find it is really great that I don't have to explain myself and feel like a hypochondriac,as he knows exactly how I feel. He also reminds me to slow down which I have never been that good at. He had a previous partner who said that if he got sick again (as in couldn't work) she couldn't stay with him and she herself only worked part-time due to a health condition she had so being with someone who has a chronic illness as well is not always the answer. If you boyfriend is willing would it help if he went to your doctor appointments so he has a full understanding of your condition. Also would it help if you had couple counselling. I once worked part-time in a florist years ago and a regular customer came in to buy some flowers and she mentioned her husband encouraged her to buy them for herself as he was not well enough to go out to dinner and do things normal couples do and it struck me that they had a love that was still very strong. So I think relationships are possible but both parties have to be willing to work at it.


mdak - March 22

vavaughn- I would be vrey up front with your partner. Let him get all the info on this FM and your medical problems. I know my husband has a hard time with this. I am usally tired or not feeling well to have much sexual contact. My medications doesn't help also. I know most men are needing some sexual contact on a frequent basis. I feel bad when I cant provoide that. I finally told him that just holding each other and loving in other ways needs to happen. I know other people have gottten sick with a horrible illlness and they could not provide sex to there partner and they found other ways to love. My husband and I just discussed this subject. It is very hard on my relationship. I wanted him to read some info on FM with the subject on this, but I dont think he did. I did and it helped me. It was talking about reserving your energy for your partner. My husband whould rather have the house messy, but leave him some energy for love! I think the FM and medications plays a big part in our libido. I am on disability and it has made a huge difference in getting better with my FM, but I still struggle with my libido. I guess I just dont want you to have to go through what I am going through. Mine is good to me, but I just want him to know there are other ways to show love. Maybe just holding me.



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