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IN SO MUCH PAIN I FEEL LIKE I JUST WANNA DIE!
29 Replies
cpelowski3 - August 3

Im sitting here on my computer and as i type tears are flowing down my face! i just cant take the pain anymore! Im 20 years old and I just had a baby 2 months ago. All i wanna do is rip my head off! Anyways my pain started right after i had my baby! i had a c section and was put on oxycodone for the pain. after my meds ran out i just figured i was having witdrawls from the meds so i told my doctor and he put me on a plan to keep lowing the dose and i fallowed the plan. At first my pain seemed to get better but then it just kept getting worse and worse. i havent taken any oxys for a month now and the pain just hurts so bad! One of my OB doctors told me that i have all the signs and symptoms of fibro so she told me to make a doc. appt. with my primary docotor! well i couldnt get in with my him so i seen another doctor and he basically told me i have to deal with it! he told me i need more rest and to take my antidepressants and that my pain will go away! i have been takin my depression medication(zoloft) for over 2 months now and nothing is changing! i wake up everymorning feeling like i wanna do! and i have a baby that i wish i could enjoy but its so hard when im in so much pain! every doctor ive seen tries to blame my pain on depression! i was so stressed out and depressed durring my pregnancy so how come i didnt feel this way then?!?!?! the doctors i see make me feel like they just think im making my pain up to get drugs! that is not at all what im doing! i do not wanna ever take oxys again! i hate them! they take away my pain thats for sure but i no they can get addictive and i dont want that in my life! i just wanna be happy again and be able to be the best mother i can to my beautiful baby girl! nothing helps take the pain away not advil not aleve not tylenol not ibp. not anything! im just at the end of my rope and i dunno what to do! i have been in and outta the ER 4 times since i had my daughter and im sick of it! they gave me vicodin wich did help a little but it made me feel wierd! my b/f dad gave me some of his tramidol and it did wonders it didnt make me feel wierd like oxys and vicodin did and it lasted longer! i know its not rite to take other peoples meds but i am just losing my mind and i had to do something to take away the pain! i dunno what im gonna do!?!?! i have a doct appt tomarrow tuedsay august 3rd and i am so afraid that my doctor is gonna think im makin it up or that my pain isnt that bad like im over reacting or something! because i am not! i need some relief b4 i end up in the hospital for doing something im gonna regret!!!! PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

cpelowski3 - August 3

ment to say die instead of do!

 

Noca - August 3

I'm sure if you ask for Tramadol your doctor will give it to you. It has very low abuse potential. If you want to get a diagnosis I suggest you see a Rheumatologist.

On another note, Zoloft does nothing for fibromyalgia pain whatsoever. You need an SNRI or TCA to get any relief.

 

Lee2010 - August 3

Oh honey, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You should be enjoying your baby, not dealing with the pain. You mentioned that Tramadol helped. You might try to talk your doc into letting you try it for a while. My friend has been on it for years - she has pain issues and it really helps her. I'm not an expert, but I think that it's not considered an opiate, so docs are more willing to prescribe it. None of the traditional pain killers work on me, including opiates, so I just have to take each day as it comes. Please hang in there, and when you see your doc tomorrow, stand up for yourself and make him/her see that you are doing your best and need to lessen your pain in order to be a good mommy to your baby. I know that pain can completely take over your life - and you need to find a doc that is sympathetic to your needs and is willing to work with you to find a good balance of meds that will give you your life back.

Don't do anything rash, honey. I have two grown sons your age, and I wouldn't change a single day of my life with them. They are the greatest gift I've ever been given, and you will also have that experience. Stay on this forum and keep talking. You will find an answer, just hang in there. It's one day at a time with fibro - sometimes one minute at a time. You'll make it. There are a lot of people here that are smart and helpful and caring. Take care of yourself so that you can care for that wonderful baby. :-) Let us know how things turn out. We're all here for each other.

 

cpelowski3 - August 3

thank you both very much for your advice. but i feel like if i put myself out there and ask for tramidol the doctor might not give it to me! i go to mayo clinic and the the doctors there dont seem to understand how much pain i am in! they dont like to give out medications unless they feel they need to! but i will try it and see what happens! but i dont wanna tell them that i got the tramidol from someone else because we all know how doctors are about people takin other peoples meds! anyways im gonna stand up to him! if i have to cry my eyes out to my doctor to get some relief im going to! because im young and i want my life back and i wanna be the best mother to my baby that i can be and feeling the way i do i dont think i can do that and im gonna make my doctor understand that! im not gonna keep going to the ER all the time just to get relief from my pain! thank you!

 

Stacey373 - August 3

Hi cpelowski! I totally understand what you are going through. I had 3 C-sections...my 1st I had alot of complications so it took awhile to heal up and be back to normal, my 2nd went perfectly and I was back to normal in less than 4 weeks, my 3rd I never did seem to heal from it and I really think that's when all the major fibro stuff started. It literally took me MONTHS for the pain to subside enough that I could pick up my baby. The doctors didn't believe that I was still in pain from the C-section (which killed me cuz I knew how I SHOULD be feeling from my 2nd c-section!) and I was put on an anti-depressant because they thought I had post partum depression (can't spell that!)I guarantee they didn't take the pain away! But I think I just eventually "gave up" and just dealt with it the best I could. My last C-section was almost 10 years ago and I STILL have problems with severe pain in my stomach and my periods have gotten to be really bad since then too. About the only difference between you and I is that I had 3 C-sections and I'm probably dealing with ALOT more scar tissue because of it.

I remember I would end up in the ER for migraines because I just couldn't take it all anymore and the doctors would give me shot of something (don't know) hand me some Motrin 800 and send me on my way every time. They really didn't help me at all, but at least I could get rid of the migraine for a night.

I know how you feel with the doctors treating you like a drug addict and treating you like you are making it all up to get the pain pills. I've been treated that way for YEARS! I did finally find a doctor who actually cared and listened to me and was willing to give me anything to make me feel a little better...Thank God...I really don't know what I would've done if I was still going though all that. But I never gave up (completely) and I'm glad I didn't!

you really don't have to worry about asking for Tramadol, so I hope you are doing that today. Tramadol is non-narcotic. it's a synthetic version of vicodin except it doesn't have all the "bad stuff" in it and it's not addictive.(at least it's not supposed to be!) Even explaining to your doctor that a friend gave it to you because you were having such a hard time would be no big deal...at least it shouldn't be!

I know how frustrating this all I can get. And especially with a new baby, it's probably twice as hard on you right now. You can't take sleeping meds or muscle relaxers because you have to get up through the night with the baby. And you really can't take any other meds that might make you drowsy through the day because you have to take care of the baby. And stress is probably one of the worse things you can do to yourself, it will only make you hurt more. I think you should at least ask for a different kind of anti-depressant medication...maybe something like Cymbalta because it's also supposed to help with the Fibro pain. (I tried it but it made me feel like I was having a heart attack, so I take Lexapro instead) but it might help you ALOT so it's worth a try!

if you don't get help at the Mayo clinic with those doctors, if it's possible, FIND A NEW DOCTOR! Keep trying, keep looking, keep going until someone finally will listen to you! I have to assume because you are so young that most doctors aren't going to diagnose you with Fibro to begin with. but any good doctor will rule out EVERY thing else before they diagnose fibro anyways. So you are just going to have to go through the motions and hopefully they will do their job and REALLY find out what's wrong. it could be a number of things and not necessarily Fibromyalgia and you need to make sure they do their job right! You want to be sure that you don't have something else wrong with you that could be worse than Fibromyalgia.

Let us all know how your appointment went today...I wish you the best and hope you can get some help. Take Care, Stacey :o)

 

Stacey373 - August 3

BTW...Sorry about writing such a long "book"! I've really been trying not to write so much! LOL Stacey :o)

 

cpelowski3 - August 3

no problem on writing a long reply... i love getting replys they actually make me feel a little bit better(: so anyways my doctors appt. didnt go very well at all today! I was afraid to ask him for the tramadol because i didnt want him to think im a drug addict! i cried my eyes out to him. tellin him im in so much pain and its hard for me to care for my baby and he didnt even bother asking me if i wanted to try anything for the pain. you know what he did he wrote me a prescrition for celexa(dont no how to spell it) UGH! that made me want to scream at him! then told me that they need to take more blood test! what else is new! story of my fricken life! im sorry im being so negative right now but i am just so mad cuz i feel like they arent listening to what im telling them! even after balling my eyes out they still wont do anything to help the pain! well he did refer me to a pain managment specialist but i cant get in until october first! firgures! then he told me to go to the ER if i feel like hurting myself or my baby or if things get worse! i would never hurt my baby!!! i love her more then anything in this world! that made me mad even more! and how much more worse can they get! i go to the doctors because i dont wanna go to the ER but then they tell me to go anyways! im sure the ER will end up giving something for the pain but they will also label me as a druggy! and probably put me in the nut hut too! so i refuse to go. cuz i refuse to be looked at as a druggy! god i feel hopeless! well for the time being my b/fs dad gave me some more of his tramadol. i know its wrong to take other peoples meds but hey what else can i do! im at the point where ill do anything to get rid of my pain! well not anything but you know what i mean...anyways thank you all for listening and giving me good advice! i will keep u posted!

 

kvc33 - August 3

Please get some help in taking care of your baby. That way at least you can get some more rest. I am concerned about the safety of your baby and you. Is your pain localized or all over? Definately ask your doctor for the tramadol. Pregancy and giving birth is a stressor that sometimes brings on fibromyalgia. Why were you depressed and stressed during your pregnancy? Car accidents often bring it on too although it can take months to develop.

 

Stacey373 - August 3

Oh my gosh...I know how that feels too. I remember when I was in my 20's and we were in the Army. (the Army doesn't have the greatest of doctors!) My lower back would hurt so bad and by the time I got to see a doctor, I would be in tears from sitting so long in the waiting room chairs. I don't think the doctors even noticed or they just didn't care if I was crying. It seemed like the Army doctors treated everyone like they were just trying to get drugs, but I seemed to be treated the worse out of everyone I knew!

Please don't be hard on yourself for getting pain pills from someone else. I used to have to do that all the time just so I could get out of bed and take care of my kids. My Mom would give them to me, but then she would turn right around and tell my husband that I was addicted and that there was nothing wrong with me and how he shouldn't let me take them! SOOO frustrating! I actually just talked to her about that the other night. She's just now starting to realize that I really do have an illness (and I'm not a drug addict!) and she was asking me why I didn't tell her what I was going through. I couldn't believe it! I reminded her that she was one of the people who thought this was "all in my head" and how she thought I was just after the drugs! It wasn't like I didn't tell everyone how I was feeling and it was pretty obvious when I was in bed more than I wasn't! Geesh! But at least she's starting to figure it all out now....better late than never, right?!?

anyways...is it possible for you to find a new doctor at a totally different doctor's office? I know I said that before...but I REALLY think you should try finding a new doctor if you can. Getting into the Pain Clinic will be a good thing for you too...but you definitely need to do something until then. If they are so insistent about doing blood tests on you...ask them to test your Vitamin D levels. Most fibro sufferers are Vitamin D deficient and it's one of the ONLY actual tests they can do to prove you have Fibro.

I'm SO Sorry that you are going through this. I know how hard this can all be. even just a couple months ago my doctor started saying the same old crap I used to hear "write in a journal and you'll feel better" and "you need to see a therapist" and "your headaches are all from stress". I completely lost it when I heard this because I felt like I was suddenly "starting over" and back at "square one". That was when I started researching (and luckily found this forum!) and I took all the paperwork I had printed off and showed her ALL the reasons I'm getting constant horrible headaches and what exactly fibro can actually do to someone. I just refused to let her blame all of my problems on stress and depression! Thankfully she listened to me and things are going okay now.

So...you need to find a new doctor and then ask him or her for Cymbalta and at least Tramadol and don't let them "ignore" you...stand up to them and fight for yourself (and your baby because she's suffering from this too) and keep writing on here if that makes you feel a little better too. I know it sure helps me ALOT and that's why I'm on here every day...sometimes several times a day!

Take Care of Yourself, Stacey :o)

 

[email protected] - August 4

Go see a Rheumatologist- Or next time you go to doctors have them to a full blood work. Ask to be tested for ANA- this detects any autoimmune diseases. If on the high side it indicates some inflammation/swelling might be present in your muscles/joints. This will allow him to do more testing and ask you more questions that could lead to ANWSWERS- What I have learned is that you have to stand up for yourself because no one else is going to do it. Who cares if you piss the doctors off and the staff. Tell them something is wrong and I am not going away until you find me help. Ask them for a referral to see a RA and if they say no then ask for the blood work for ANA. if they do a full work up on your blood another indicator is your sedrate level. Google both Sedrate and ANA for more info. Don't give up. See a Rheumatologist- That is where I got all my ansnwers after YEARS of being in pain. Good luck!

 

adrianei - August 5

I would call your doctor tomorrow and tell him that you did research on what you think you have. Tell him that it states Tramadol works. I know how you feel with wanting to scream at the doctor. I to thought they would think I just wanted drugs because I am young. Finally I found that Effexor and Tramadol help with the pain. Also if you can get on an anti-anxiety medicine it will calm you down. Also the anti-anxiety will help you sleep a little better. Stress is the worst thing for FM and it will put you in a tail spin and you are stressed. Stressed from the pain of the C-Section, taking care of an infant and then trying to take care of yourself. Just tell the doctor if you aren't going to help me, I will find someone that knows what FM is and will treat me. The blood tests help rule out a lot of things. I truly understand your frustration for years as a child I was told my pain was from depression - whatever is all I can say. Get better and keep loving your baby it will make you feel less stressed. But please call your doctor's office tomorrow and tell them you want tramadol!

 

hollowsnothorcruxes - August 5

You need to go to a FEMALE rheumatologist. It took my Mom 10 years to get diagnosed with endometriosis. She had been going to male doctors, and her first female ob/gyn diagnosed it quickly. In my experience, male doctors are more likely to think that a woman's pain is all in her head. Call your insurance company & get a list of rheumatologists & go to a female. ER doctors are not trained in fibromyalgia.

Also, as someone who works in an ER 9 out of 10 patients who tell the nurse or doctor "I hurt so bad I want to die" are drug seekers, so do not use that phrase. Tell them what your pain will not let you do, how it is effecting your ability to function. Then tell them everything you've tried. Tell them that you were given tramadol at a different ER, and it works great. Tell them you much prefer it to the opiates you've tried b/c it doesn't make you loopy. Be aware, don't breast feed while on tramadol.

I take 300 mg of lyrica & 150 mg of tramadol daily. They significantly decrease my pain. But even with my meds, I still have super-bad days. Every 7-10 days I have really bad pain, and all I can think is "I wish I was dead, if I was dead I wouldn't hurt." I never get to a planning stage though b/c I think of my husband coming home & finding me like that. Maybe there's someone in you life (maybe your baby) that you love so much you can't bear to hurt them. Think of that person, think about how much they love you. That always calms me down.

While you're waiting for your appointment with a rheumatologist, you might try drinking beer that has a lot of hops. Hops help FMS pain. If you live in a state that allows it, you might try marijuana. My friend uses it for her FMS & she says it works wonders. You also might taking more tylonal. You can take up to 4000mg per day. Also try ice, heat & stretching. Swimming also helps.with the pain. Advil, aleve, vicodin & darvocet do not work on FMS.

You might not have FMS. The blood work your doctor took is probably to test do ra & lupus b/c they're similar.

Don't give up, if it is FMS, you will get used to it in a way. You'll be able to forget the small pains. You can still do everything that you love, you just have to chill for a day or two afterwards. It's a condition that you can adapt to. And there are specific medications that can give relief. It is normal & logical to be depressed from the pain & stress. Just always remember that you have people who love you & need you.

 

hollowsnothorcruxes - August 5

A pain management specialist is not the right path for FMS. They treat pain, not FMS. You need to see a rheumatologist. Rheumatologists specialize in FMS. 40% of their patients have fibromyalgia, so they know what they're doing. There are triggers that cause the pain, like childbirth, depression, sleep disorders and emotional stress. A rheumatologist can help alleviate the trigger so you don't have flare ups as often. A pain management specialist is just gonna drug you up.

 

Stacey373 - August 5

I have to agree with finding a female doctor. I didn't realize it until now, but all the other doctors that treated me so bad were male! It wasn't until I started seeing a female Nurse Practitioner that someone actually cared and listen to me. And that's when I finally (eventually) got diagnosed with Fibro. My doctor (NP) actually has a lot of Fibro patients, so she knows what she's doing and how to treat us. That's why I haven't gone on to see a specialist.

Not a bad idea...Try finding a female doctor and see is she can help you better. Take Care, Stacey :o)

 

Stacey373 - August 5

Okay...I've been thinking about this and, I'm sorry, I have to disagree with Hollows when she said that Vicodin doesn't help Fibro sufferers. I take Norco, which Vicodin and Norco are both Hydrocodone (Norco is just stronger with less tylenol) I've tried TONS of other pain medications and the one that helps me the most with the least side-effects is the Norco. Yes, at first you do get loopy off of them...but eventually you build a tolerance and they don't do that to you anymore. At least for me, it doesn't do that anymore.

I just don't want someone to read that and think they either shouldn't be taking vicodin anymore or that they shouldn't ever try taking it. Pain medications work on everyone differently...and as much help as Norco as given to me...I hope someone else can get that kind of help too.

Take Care Everyone, Stacey :o)

 

cpelowski3 - August 5

im at my OB appt. for a checkup and i plan on discussing my pain here but i see the midwives and not so sure they can prescribe me anythingg cuz they are not doctors! but i am so sick of my primary doctors i dont even wanna go back to him! any advice should i tell my midwife that i took the tramadol and that it worked and see if she can help me

 

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