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I'm scarred..... I'm going back to work, I'm a sick or not
10 Replies
axxie - November 9

OK, I have asked to return to work, and I'm scared, now that I start on the 16 of november, I'm feeling anxious......

What possessed me to ask to return to work!!!!, I have it good at home, well I'm bored, and I sleep too much and I don't sleep at night, I seem to prefer being a night owl, and now I'll have to go back to work, three days a week.... for 6 long hours a day.....monday, wednesday and fridays.... I guess I suppose to rest on tuesday and thursday.....

what happens if I don't feel well, and that I cannot take the pressure, what then...... help, any comments welcomed!

 

Canada17 - November 9

Take it one day at a time. It will take some getting used to but you will probably be better for it and you will probably sleep better being that you are out and moving around.

I wish I could stay home most days as I wake up more stiff and sore and tired than I was when I went to sleep. But I get up, take a nice hot shower, and go on my way (some days slower than others).

If it turns out that you feel worse after a few weeks and you are not coping, then perhaps you need to consider working for shorter periods of time or going on disability.

 

Keturah - November 9

I find that though working is very difficult, I enjoy the distractions and being with people. If I have to much time on my hands and don't move much my body rebels and I pay big time. I tolerate FM life much better when I am carrying on somewhat of a 'normal'life. It is difficult most times, but I take one day at a time and I tell myself that I am still in control. Best of luck to you axxie...take a deep breath and go for it :)

 

lorieholtz - November 9

axxie how long had u been out of work... i thought u were on disability. i feel horrible for u cux i know this is more than likely going to be very rough on u. no doubt all of have become night owls... for me i think its cux i get scared sort of and i know my bf of 7yrs doesn't quite understand my sleeping habits.
i wish u well, but its never to late to say No i can't do it.
lorie

 

axxie - November 10

I guess the reason I'm going back, is, I need to prove it to myself that I'm capable. I guess I could go on disability but did not, since it was an accident and then disability cut me off, saying my accident had been resolved, but I still suffer from back problems from the accident and along with that I went into a tailspin depression because of the painkillers I was taking, I'm talking heavy medicated and of course they tried putting me on old fashion depression pills and well I didn't do well on that at all. There was a question of me having MS, but that took sometime to go through all the exam and I was simply exhausted. When I left work back awhile away, I couldn't work at simple task and eveverything was not black and white. I was having fights with myself, I couldn't accept what was happening and my husband was leaving for afghan, I just spiraled out of control.

Then they told me I was going through phased out of my pain pills but I couldn't figure out if it was day or night and I was so drugged from the depression I couldn't even read or comprehend anything.

When I found this board, it actually explained alot of thing that was going on. I finally started to see the light, so I decided then that I would take it easy and just stay home to recoup. Anyway, work didn't want me, I had lost my charm, I guess I was deemed a trouble child.

You see, it doesn't matter if you are in the government or not, people can make it hard for you and that's what happened. I tried to get the union involved but I was basically told to suck it up, because no one understood what I was going through.

This site, you people helped me, regain my strength and my caracter. I'm still a rebel at heart and I'm still not fully functionable. But I came from a school of hard knocks. I had to fight to go to school and I had to fight my way into university and I was agressive because I wanted to make it. Simply said I had cancer and I fought it for five damn years, and the only thing I kept hearing from the doctors was, if you have anything to prepare now is the time to do it. They were not prepare for me to live and it took me years, a lot of surgeries, chimo and radiation to make it. So I went into work, like a little tiger and couldn't stand people who would had everything, who never had to fight to get somewhere and throw it in my face because they could and I couldn't.

I became successful and then, this, depression because I was dependent on pain pills and my mind who couldn't quite make up what was wrong. I never to this day say I quit and ask for disability, that is not who I am.

I still hate myself for what I have become, some days I'm ok, other days I have something to prove, cause I still have this big chip on my shoulder..... I don't fight with people, and I don't say much, but I'm opinionated and I don't like it when something, or someone tells me I can't do it. Life to me, means fighting, it's about what I can achieve it's about the fact I will not back down no matter what.

So now I'm going back, and I'm scared, of this stupid little job, but make me face anything else and I won't be scared, what is wrong with me.....

 

solanadelfina - November 10

Axxie, it's very clear to me that you are one amazingly tough cookie. You've beaten some incredible odds already, and you've gone on and taken down many obstacles in your life. And that's beyond just the fibro.

People who don't have it don't understand that getting 'normal' things done is that much more of a challenge for us. We know our bodies and abilities better than anyone on the outside and I applaud you for never letting someone else's 'you can't' dictate your life. You've also helped many people on here, I've noticed, in your comments.

My best advice is just to wait and see how it goes. That's smart to give yourself rest days in between. Once you know how it is, I think it'll be easier to plan ahead and take things as they come. And we'll be here to help you out or cheer you on, whatever you need. :)

 

axxie - November 10

Thanks solanadelfina, I appreciate what you have wrote and will keep your message close to me, so that when my mind wants to jump in and close my mind, I'll have something to reflect on.

Now I must start sleeping at night, now that's another story......lol

 

ptalana - November 10

Hey Axxie, what kind of work will you be returning to? Remember if it's too much for you there is no shame in that. I think that it takes a lot of strength to even try to go back to work, you are one strong cookie!!!!!
Hopefully your employer is aware of your medical condition and is understanding. I can so relate to the boredom at home, I feel a little useless at home. Especially when our finances are so tight and I have to appeal my denial for disability benefits!!!!
Remember you are only human, and try not to be too hard on yourself if it's too much for you. I'll be sending you positive energy next week, remember you are a totally awesome woman!!!! Your employer must be so excited to have you back, lucky them.:)
All the best Patty

 

axxie - November 11

Hey Patty and others, thanks so much for the wonderful message, I appreciate each one of them.

Sometimes I wonder what fibro will do to me, at my job. I guess that's what I'm scare of.

As for the job, I'll be doing research, and support the projects that have to do with to do with marine protection.

I've been going through the wringer with me returning to work, and I've had my share of fights with hubby in the last few days...... when I'm stressed I seem to take it out on him....

 

sfdillup - November 11

AXXIE,

I GO TO COUNSELING WEEKLY TO DEAL WITH WORKING. I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS. HOWEVER, I HAVE LEARN THAT I HAVE TO DETERMINE WHAT IS SUCCESSFUL FOR ME - MY HUSBAND, MY EMPLOYER OR COWORKERS.

I AM A CASEWORKER IN DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN SERVICES. THE SOCIAL SERVICES IS A SICK SYSTEM AND I HAD TO LEARN THERE IS NO BUSINESS SENSE

 

axxie - November 11

Hi sfdillup

Well I'm not sure, exactly what I want, that is the reason I'm returning to make up my mind.

I have a problem excepting the fact that I'm not work material, and staying at home, isn't helping me. I sleep morning, and stay awake all night.
Sometimes I do chores other times I cannot because of my fibro.... feel helpless, and depressed.

 

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