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I just want a diagnosis
12 Replies
jrzgirl - January 27

I am tired of all the answers that make no sense to me.It seems DR.'s know how to say "I can't find anything wrong with you" I just feel like leaving and not looking back, no compassion from my husband,why stay anymore. I want to be in love and I am not, it is a joke and not fair to any one, I know I have no money or place to go to but what is left. I am sorry for this one person "pity party" but depression is kicking in, I believe in God and he has a plan for my life, but is this his plan I am living or one big mistake on my part. I am grateful for a home and food, and basically good health but if I cannot have someone to love than I would rather live by myself


Canada17 - January 27

It is unfortunate that you are not getting the support at home that you need. If both parties are willing to work on it, then you will be able to overcome this rut you two have yourselves in.

Everything worth having is worth working for and nothing worth having comes easy. Cliche, I know. The two of you need to talk to each other. I think you would both benefit from talking to a professional.

If your husband is unwilling or unable to try to repair your relationship and remember the reasons why you got married in the first place, then you shouldn't be with him.

Love yourself. No matter what your diagnosis is, you need to remember that you are important and your needs do matter.

:) Keep your chin up.


jrzgirl - January 29

right now I just want to know what is wrong with me, he does not matter right now, I keep getting the same answer Epstein-Barr,they(Dr.s) say everything is normal well it's NOT, I feel like screaming at everyone, I sit here typing in severe pain, frozen feet and hands, I don't know where to go anymore, I just feel like running away, why do these so called Dr's not KNOW what is happening, each day it becomes worse, the pain, the cold and the stress. My next app't is March 5th, I cannot wait that long


iliveinpain - January 29

yep, I know exactly how you feel. some days it's unbearable to even go on, it hurts so bad, and people around you say they understand, but they don't. You have to live with it to know. That's why I check this site daily. Especially when I'm in the middle of a flare, which I am this week, I find alot of comfort here from others going thru the same thing. Just helps to talk to others who actually 'get it' and know I'm not crazy!! The doctors really don't know how to treat this other than try to give us something for pain. I don't know about you, but the pain meds don't really work for me, I basically just try to get thru it the best I can from day to day, and on really really bad days, I'm crabby and difficult I know, but it's hard to remain positive when you're in pain all of the time. I hope the day comes when the doctors will actually be able to help us instead of just prescribing things that don't work or have side effects as bad or worse than what we are already going thru. We don't need pain medication as much as we need them to find out why we have this pain and where it is coming from in order to stop it. Hopefully that will happen in our lifetime? I keep hoping it will and that's what makes me go on and not give up even on my worst days. We are all friends here and this site is loaded with good advice, and even when there is no help or advice to be given, at least we can talk thru our pain and offer each other emotional support. hoping you feel better :)


axxie - January 29

Hey jrzgirl, In understand what you are going through, the pain, the frustration and the non commited relationship you have with your hubby. Just for a moment I would like for you to take a back seat to everything, and let others drive the ship for awhile. Forget about your daugther going through a fail relationship. Forget the fact that your husband is not supportive and forget the fact that your pain is hurting you.

NOw once you take that very deep breath of yours I want you to do another 4 or of those deep breaths. YOu know the kind, in by the nose filling in your belly, then your bottom of your lungs and finally the top of your lungs. Now, exale those breaths, from the top to the bottom of your belly. OK, we got 6 of those. Probably very lightheaded. Do sit down and close your eyes and make everything disapear, I mean everythig, for every deep breath you take, you are washing away those problems away. Yeah, its old remedies, but you know what, it works. Shake those hands, arms let loose do a little jig, if ou can take a few steps and just think of something nice. Maybe it's a beach in paradise, maybe it's a great memory, whatever works for you. Stay in that stance for as long as you can, when you finally want to move you move and see how well your body will transform itself for a few minutes.

If you are not on medication for your depression then please get some, I'm sure they can find something to help you. It will be a few weeks before you feel the full affects but for your own god and your peace of mind, please get medication for your depression.

I'm sure this will help you elleviate all this nevernous and all these angry thoughts you have. The medication will help you with your physical problems, probably help you feel less pain.

You are simply having a bad attach because you feel you are trap, in a loveless marriage and can't make sense of what needs to be done.

Maybe, you can go to conselling by yourself at the begining and talk about everything. After awhile, you maybe able to introduce your husband to counselling. All these pent up emotions you have are making you sick.

It is time, you treat yourself with respect and dignity. Time to love yurself, time to start healing whatever that you need to heal from. Your bad thoughts, your negative way of thinking your desperation for finding a problem, where just maybe there is not one to find.

If you continue on the path you are own, you will end up, in a lot worse pain then you are now. It's time for you to let go of your bad feelings, forgive the people who have hurt you, otherwise they will always have a hold on you and only make you sick. YOu want to be free, from all this pain, please I urge you try a different approach to healing your psych.

We undersand and we all understand and we are all here to help you. We are holding your hand, now go back to that beautiful island of forgetting everything that is bad for you and find that special feeling. It is within you, you just need to let it out.

YOu can do it....


Clay2Fame - January 30

jrzgirl, I've only posted here a few times and a long ways back (I do often read things here though) but something about your post prompted me
to respond. The thing about fibro is even though our (those that suffer with this illness) personal circumstances might be extremely different the battle we fight against is the same. I'm feeling really lost myself these days and so frustrated I could scream. The fact that there is no rhyme or reason to why I feel so bad on most days is, quite frankly, a pain in the butt. I often think how I would like to be going out and doing things but rarely have the energy or strength, and when I do have the strength I know that it will take me forever and a day to halfway recover from it anyway. I rarely even get invites to do things with family anymore as I'd so often have to decline in the past, I guess they
figure 'why bother asking her?'. But currently my feelings are so hurt because I feel so left out. On the occasional invite to do something now I feel like it's a "pity" invite. It's like I can't win for losing. It results in such an empty, sad feeling. I also sometimes feel like it's held against me, that people are tired of hearing me complain when I'm at my worst yet it's hard to put on a happy face feeling this way.

I also find that depression goes hand in hand with the fibro stuff, maybe that's inevitable given what we go through. The only people who
understand are those who have it. Period. Sure, others can try to sympathize but because no one can see how bad we hurt, how sore we are and how exhausted we are on the inside then my guess is it seems to others that since we look fine it must not be that bad. My muscles are so twisted in knots most days, my arms and shoulder blades so sore I can barely lift my arms and just wanting to rest... being so fatigued even after a 10-11 hour's worth of sleep.

I have a good rheumy but generally speaking doctors don't really seem to get it either. I've tried all the pain pills and anxiety/depression
pills but none of them seem to help nearly enough and some that caused more problems and side effects.

I wish you (and everyone here) well with coping with everything. This is a lot for anyone to handle, especially on their own.

May God Bless You All.


jrzgirl - January 31

I have not even been diagnoised with anything but Epstein-Barr, I see the Rhum on March 5th, what she is going to do next is anyone's guess


Canada17 - January 31

Epstein-Barr: If the virus lasts more than six months, it is frequently called chronic EBV infection. Some doctors think EBV is the cause of a chronic condition called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), although this has not been definitively proven.

The painful, cold hand and feet don't really sound like a symptom of EBV. I had mono when I was 15, which is another contributing factor to the sever onset of my FM. My feet get cold easily but they warm up as long as I put socks and a blanket on them. Same goes for me hands. This sounds more like a circulation problem.

Do you have diabetes? Could you? If uncontrolled, that could cause the cold, painful feeling you have in your hands and feet.

I understand you want answers. It took me three years of appointments and tests that showed nothing abnormal before I went to my doctor and told him I had been doing research on my own. While my symptoms are mild I am a typical Fibromyalgia patient.

Perhaps you will be lucky in that you will be diagnosed with something that, in the least, has an effective treatment regimen. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I will do my part to help bring a face to Fibromyalgia.


ptalana - February 1

Canada 17, what were your thoughts on bringing light and a face to Fms? I also feel compelled to do something to bring more understanding to what we are going through.
Jrzgirl, I do hope that you get some answers with your upcoming appointment. Perhaps you could ask to be put on cancellation list, maybe you could get a earlier appointment. Your frustration and anger in not having a diagnosis while understanding could be adding to the pain that you're experiencing. The squared breathing that Axxie mentioned is extremely effective in dealing with stress.
I know all too well how painful it is to feel not supported! What I've come to learn with the help from my friends here is that many times it's a feeling of helplessness in not being able to help take away our pain that can be interpreted as not being supportive. Men in the whole tend to be fixxers.
Sending you soft hugs, Patty


jrzgirl - February 2

No I do not have diabetes, today is my birthday, ground hog day, I feel like I am in the movie"Ground Hog Day" because I wake up every morning feeling the same way. I actually hoped that I would not wake up this morning but that just tells me that God still has plans for my life, I would never take my own life, that is for God to decide not me.
Thank s to all who have replied, I am praying for all of you.


Canada17 - February 2

To bring light and face to Fibromyalgia I talk about it with anyone who will listen.

There are a great many people who say, "Oh, I know someone who has that." or, "I've heard of that before." but they don't really know what it is. I do my best to explain it in a way that the general population can understand (sometimes it's hard for me to understand), I think I do a pretty good job.

I am going to be getting a tattoo of a purple butterfly on my inner wrist. Yeah, I know, why would someone in constant pain put themselves through more pain? Well, I suffer invisible pain every minute of everyday and the symbol for FM is a purple butterfly. If I am going to be in pain, I might as well make something beautiful out of it - it is a sacrifice I am willing to make on behalf of all Fibromites.

Fibromyalgia is not just invisible to the eye but it is also clinically invisible, there are no blood or urine tests, no scans or x-rays that will show you have Fibromyalgia; only our pain with seemingly no cause.

By tattooing the butterfly in a conspicuous place on my body I can bring attention to it. I think it is the only tattoo I will get with the idea in mind that I want people to see it (tattoos are a personal thing for me).

My thought is that people will ask what it is or what it's for because it will be in a very visible place. Then, I have another reason to shed light on the subject.

I dream of going on talk shows and speaking out about FM - I would bring pictures and slide shows and find a way to do experiments that depict what we go through everyday. I don't have the money for that right now, maybe one day though. : )

When I think about how much lies ahead for us in research I get excited. This Fibromyalgia is a relatively new dis-ease (I say dis-ease because I'm not really sure it is a disease but I am certainly not at ease with it. lol I humour myself!) and being new, there is still so much to learn about it. The more we learn the closer we get to effective treatments and maybe one day a cure.


Kjo80 - February 2

Happy Birthday, Jrzgirl! I too was very drawn to your posts. I believe in God and the plan he has for me but I too was kind of hoping he would take me home when I went to bed last night. I have had chronic neck and trigger point pain for about 15 years now. I think I have depression too but that is because I married a man with a sex addiction and it has caused a lot of insecurities that I never had before. He hasn't had a physical affair with anyone but he has had a problem with pornography since he was 6 years old. I wish he had told me about his problem prior to getting married but he lied because he knew I wouldn't marry him if I knew about his porn problem. The porn industry has really caused most of the break down of the family (in my opinion) My sister too married a man with a sex addiction. She didn't know it either. He has been cheating on her for their engagement and marriage and she never knew. She has separated from him (this happened around the time of the Tiger Woods scandal) so she knows what Elin is going through. My husband and I have reconciled but I will never trust him again so it makes our marriage kind of pointless. I was a virgin when we got married and I had such a holy idea of how sex is supposed to be and was looking forward to married life. When I accidentally found porn sites that he had been to and screennames of over 1000 girls that he had InstantMessage sex with, I was devastated. This is 7 years into my marriage mind you. I hate sex and when women don't trust it is impossible to. I went to counseling for about a year. I have small children to care for so my mind is not on me most of the time. But when I do get a moment it's hard not think back on the lying. That was the one thing I could give my husband and he ripped my heart out and shredded it, it feels like. Since I found out which was Easter of 2008 I feel like my neck pain has worsened. My hands and feet are also cold and my finger and knuckle joints are stiff and I do have depressing thoughts like you do. This may be nothing at all like what you are talking about but I felt like what you were saying was what I would have said. You are not alone with your frustrations. I don't know if you and your husband have gone through anything like me and my husband but I have talked with many other women who are quietly living a stressful life trying not to draw attention but dying inside. I love the Lord though and I pray all the time. I too know I am to be part of something greater than myself so I just hang in there. I'd like to know if there are other women who are living a similar life to me. Let me know if you are out there.


jrzgirl - February 2

I do not even have a diagnosis as to what is wrong with me, not knowing makes it worse, knowing what is wrong makes it tolerable, it is the "what if's" that sometimes scares me. I know it is hard to diagnois these conditions and sometimes I think the Dr's just tell you something to shut you up. I will keep all of you in prayer and pray according to your pain and circumstances
God Bless



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