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4 Replies
kvc33 - September 19

I am disgusted with the way my body looks and functions. If I had the energy to exercise I could do something about the fat, cellulite and hanging skin. I've been severely ill for 17 years now. I knew many years ago that when my body really started to age it would be a new horrible stressor for me and it is. I no longer want intimacy because it's not fun to see myself naked anymore. I feel very angry, sad and hopeless. Years ago I could at least tell myself that I looked good and I looked young for my age but now I look my age and I hate it. I see people who have the energy to exercise but simply choose not to and I can't understand that. I would love to be hiking, playing sports and getting into shape. The only thing that makes me feel better is eating and of course that just makes things worse. I absolutely hate life and wish I were dead.


Nee_ster310 - September 19

Im sorry kvc33. You sound a bit like my mom and I am truly sorry. Before when my mom had this problem she would always ask me to help her lose weight. When we would start her FM would kick in and she would get depressed and start arguing with me. Sometimes she would be yelling at me then go flat blank and lose track of what she was talking about. I think thats called Fibro fog. my mom and I have been taking something that takes care of all the pain and energy. Life is really precious and just know that you go thru things for a purpose. Just imagine when you get thru this hardship, that there will be heaps of people that you would be able to touch.


PEANUT - September 20

Kvc33-It breaks my heart to read your message. I suspect that you were having an especially 'down' day but that this is also truly how you feel. I want you to know that I have found you helpful in many of the postings which breaks my heart all the more. You seem to want to be there for others but unfortunately not for yourself. First of all I am 51, and, (although I have recently put on about 10 pounds due to meds and inability to get much exercise) in 2001/2002 I lost 65 pounds. I felt alot like you do but I decided to take control of my life and hard to work very hard at taking the focus off of my weight and eating. At that point I was barely able to walk a block and my best friend was that '5th' food group. As I tried to turn my focus on walking 'that little more' and eating only half of the big bag of chips or chocolate bar, slowly I was able to break some bad habits while now wanting (and being able to) start some good habits. I was probably at my most 'painful' time with this disease and really thought that any form of exercise would just hurt me more. But I took it slowly with walking, eating better and eventually was able to incorporate some light aerobic dancing/exercises in my livingroom grooving to some cool tunes. I thought about my husband, my 3 children and, of course, myself. I decided to take control and did what I could within my capabilities and within 9 months I was completely transformed. I had dropped 65 pounds and felt like a whole different person. I did this all on my own but I suspect if one had a companion to 'transform' with, it would probably be a little easier. You have to find 'your thing'. I have always loved music, and so I did exercise/dance routines to it and I never leave to walk anywhere without my Ipod, even now when my tolerance level to any noise is low (I believe sound sensitivity is a symptom of this wretched medical condition). Anyway, when I read your post it actually served as a 'wake up call' to me as I have really not been feeling at all well for the last 2 months and I was working on going back to 'that place' where all I want to do is sit around and eat bad, bad carbs. This, of course, is the worst possible thing for me to do. I thoroughly understand what you say about 'capable' people who sit around on their a**es when they could be out getting fresh air and exercise. It really irks me how 'healthy' people take their health for granted. But that's their choice and we have to live within our own perimeters and try to take positive steps everyday. I am going to go for a walk after this even if my energy level is close to zero because I know from past experience that it is good for me and I will feel better about myself. Please, I don't know you well, but I want you to know that you have 'touched' me with your post and that I truly hurt for you and I will be taking you (in spirit) for that walk with me and we can talk about the 'good' things in life. I know sometimes it seems hard to find the 'good' things but, believe me, they are there. Seriously, the last couple of days I have been having very 'negative' thoughts - if this is how I am going to feel for the rest of my life then I actually playing with the idea (in my mind) of, someday, if I don't feel better, I just may look into 'checking out' early. I have not shared these thoughts with any of my family - this is the first time I have spoken of it. But, alas, you were here this morning and you helped me and I hope I can do the same for you. So, put on your walking shoes, cuz we're outta here - it's a beautiful day!


kvc33 - September 21

Thank you so much Peanut. Your post touched me deeply and I'm glad to hear that I have been some help to you. You are an amazing person to have lost all that weight with fibro. Most people couldn't do it without fibro! Every day is hard but when my hormones take over it's game over. I'll I do is grieve and feel like the world is ending. That's when I write the kind of post that I did. Don't know if you have read in my other posts that I am dealing with mental illness which was brought on by a medication that I took for five years but that is a big part of the problem. I feel so lost, I have no idea what to do with myself when I'm exhausted and nuts at the same time. Take care.


axxie - September 22

Hey KVC33 - I understand completely what you are saying, I too have seen my body and don't like it, I'm 54 and well cellulite and etc. Fibro was really bad for me a few years ago, but I took my health into my hands and like Peanut and others, I started walking, somedays are better then others, and I try to watch what I eat and I take my vitamins and I am feeling better. You will always hate your body and a total makeover is not in our cards, imagine if you did, how much $$ it would cost and plus all the mending of your body it would take lots of time. I have decided to love myself instead of bashing myself. I got on the scale this morning and I have put on 7 lbs, alot to do with the fact I ate chips, I had a chip binge because I had a pitty party. Ceer yourself up, you are a great person for recognizing that you have a body that sometimes looks like swiss cheeze. Don't stop lovemaking because you don't like your body, rust me from a man's stand point he doesn't see you the same way. I too used to beat myself over the way my body looked, until I read a book or two about how men think. If you want a healthy mind, a little walking, a little less carbs and some lovemaking with your man will do wonders for you, it releases those feel good hormones. You my dear are a very lucky lady, as you have learned to live with your fibro and having problems with mental illness that was brought on by medication. I too went through that hell and everyday I regain a little of my strenght and little more about my health. Yes, I understand that you are exhausted and someday you wonder if you are going crazzy. Now that you have realized all this, the biggest step has been realized, a few more steps and you will start feeling better. So now, it's time to talk about nutrition, vitamins and getting back to a routine and addint that extra step for yourself.

What foods do you like that taste good and you enjoy eating that are not fattening, fruits, maybe or vegetable. Go out and buy yourself thos fruits or vegetable that you like and eat more of those. Next week, you may want to drink one less coffee, tea or cola. The week after that try eating a smaller portion of meat, and add more water to your diet, and like Peanut said take that extra step, one at a time. In no time you will start feeling better, and if one day you fall off the good day routine, just get back on it. No bashing yourself, no pitty party just pat yourself over for all the accomplishments you have had in your life and take a goal of I will feel better everyday because I am taking control of my mind and body.



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