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have you read this letter to fibro people from their spouses
2 Replies
mona - November 8



we are supposed to understand, accept and be sympathetic to someone who has an illness.....

A Letter To "Fibromites"

I am a spouse of someone with fibro.........
by the (late) Donna Euteneier from Fibrohugs.com

A lot of times we as family members, friends, and loved ones are supposed to understand, accept and be sympathetic to someone who has an illness..... and I agree with this statement, but only when we are given information, understanding and support ourselves.

Fibro does not just affect the person who has it.... fibro affects the whole family..... it steals away all of our lives. I have watched, broken hearted, as Ken has packed away his dreams and hopes for the future.... but along with those dreams and hopes were mine also. Just as you have come to realize that your life has changed forever so must we....... and we have to be allowed to morn that loss also.

We become angry and depressed just as you do...... we struggle with KNOWING that you are sick, to being angry that you are sick....... not at you but at the illness. Then we become angry at ourselves for feeling selfish and thinking of ourselves.... thinking of the added stress on our lives... the added responsibility.... the added guilt.

We have gone from a 50% partnership in this marriage, this family, this life, to sometimes feeling like I'm carrying the whole weight of it alone. I have to remember that my spouse is sick..... that the illness has taken that away and sometimes I'm lonely, scared, and extremely sad at the loss of what was....... but I also know in my heart that I love my husband more than life itself and TOGETHER we will find our way.

You have to talk to us.... you have to let us know how you're feeling, what you're feeling, and how it's affecting your day........ your life. If you don't talk to us we will never understand how you are feeling and we will assume that everything is as it should be.... thus expect from you what we have always expected.

I need to be able to say it's "okay" when your angry and hurting........ but it has to be "okay" when I am also. We both have to stop and look at what's going on in our lives at the time....... just as you get angry and lash out sometimes...... so do we.

So will we really ever understand what you're going through? ......No! Will you ever really understand what we are going through? ......No! But if each of us gives each other the time, love, and patience to find our own way in dealing with and accepting what fibro has taken from us, I think our relationships may be a lot better.

I hope with your challenge that you wanted to hear the truth...... and that is what I offer in this.... how we feel as Spouses.

Donna Euteneier
Copyright 2003 http://www.fibrohugs.com

 

Jean - November 8

Yes, When a member of the family is diagnosed with this illness it is up to the whole family, freinds, etc to educate themselves on the subject. However, some people may be embarrassed knowing of the illnesses negative remarks that they may themselves be uncomfortable about discussing their newly diagnosed illness. That is when family and freinds should take more of an interst with their friend or family member to talk about what happened at the doctors office. This is so hard for a lot of people in so many ways that we get mad, misunderstood, etc. Everyone has a point it's the communication that is of faultand yet it still spirals into a depth of being lost and where to go.

 

Jean - November 8

Someone somewhere will have it worse than you and that is what should give you strength to carry on and redefine your role in this life and what it is intended for. Communication is always and will always be the major fault line to cross over. Once this is done the light will come back on because as this condition is dibilitating and takes away the life activities you use to do you can be thankful in the fact that this condition is not crippling or life thretening. It is just another stumbling block to climb over. What would we do if we didn't have these challenges in life? These challenges can take you to different places and people who you may not even meet if this did not happen. Think positive because there is always a reason why things happen the way they do. Your not lost your just trying to find your way! God Bless and Best Wishes on your new journey.

 

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