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Getting depressed - need to vent
3 Replies
Lee2010 - January 30

Hi everyone-
Haven't been on in a while. Had surgery to fuse my ankle in September and am still in my boot. Started p/t and can walk a bit with shoes on at home, but the pain is relentless and I'm not sleeping real well. To top it off, my fibro is acting up and the disk in my back is bulging and causing me quite a bit of pain. As some of you may remember, I don't respond to pain meds, so I get very little relief. Well, my doc sent my case to a "pain management board", read "suits", and the result is less than helpful. They're pulling me off the meds that help ever so slightly, and they want to send me to another pain doc. I looked him up, and his specialty is addiction with a little pain management on the side. I am not addicted to anything! I go off my drugs cold turkey as needed with no side effects whatsoever. I feel so betrayed. I thought that I had finally found someone who understood, but the suits got a hold of her, so now she's bugging out. I will not make an appt. with this new doc, and am in the process of looking for someone else. I am not like everyone else, and have been told this by numerous docs. I don't know what to do. I've lost about 50 pounds and am doing my p/t regularly. I'm hopeful that this will bring a little relief. I have also started some work on my back since my physiatrist said that there was little else to do except for surgery - and that would only have a 50/50 chance of working. I'm having some down days lately - I just feel like there is no one out there who understands anymore and is willing to work with me. Thanks for letting me vent. My poor husband and kids need a break. Hope all of you are doing a little better each day. My thoughts are with you.
Lee

 

kvc33 - January 30

Hi Lee, Congratulations on losing 50 pounds and sticking with your pt. I know you feel dreadful and alone but I think you need to really appreciate yourself for how well you are doing despite your lousy circumstances. Is it possible that the doc who specializes in addiction would also be familiar with people who just don't respond to meds? It's your choice whether or not you see him or her, but I think it would be clear to them that you are not in withdrawal since you wouldn't be begging for your pain meds back. Some people get great relief with marijuana but there are pros and cons to that as well. Have you ever tried it? My partner 'left' me to go on a cruise for seventeen days and I have been so ill that I've really needed him and I've just been surviving the days, not really living at all. I'm not quite sure what kind of reception he's going to get when he gets back if you know what I mean!

 

Lee2010 - January 31

kvc -
Thank you so much for the response. I will give seeing the new doc some more thought. I guess that I am just really caught up in the feeling of betrayal and the fact that I'm just sick and tired of the "suits". As many have said on this forum - if they just walked one day with our pain, they would definitely see things differently. But since that isn't likely to happen, I have to let go of some of the emotion, and think things over in a little bit more of a detached nature. I'm going to give myself a few more weeks before I make any decisions. Still too raw.
I can't believe that your partner left you to go on a 17 day cruise - alone! He must have known that being gone that long would be detrimental to you and your health. I, too, if I was in your shoes, wouldn't be giving him much of a reception when he returns either. Not knowing the details I can only say that it seems extremely selfish. My husband would never dream of leaving me while I'm having health issues. He actually turned down a promotion that would have required traveling because he said that he needed to be here to help me during my recovery. I hope that you two can have an open dialogue about what made him do this. And I also hope that you survive this and can find someone to help you so that these days aren't lost to you.
Hang in there, and thank you again for your advice. I'm sending gentle hugs your way.
Lee

 

kvc33 - January 31

Hi Lee, He actually went with his computer club and it is a photography excursion for them. He is extremely dedicated to me and normally looks after me on a daily basis so I encourage him to do things without me - however at first it was just going to be for a week and I was okay with that but then he chose the two week option without discussing it with me and when I looked at the dates, I found out that it is actually 17 days. So....when he gets back he will be told that he is not to go away for that long again. He has tried very hard to stay in contact with me but you can't make phone calls aboard ship and even e-mails have been problematic. From what he says they have had a lot of trouble and I don't think he's having a very good time. He did say before he left that this would be his last cruise. He did his best to line up people to be there for me, but there is no substitute for him and I will certainly tell him that when he gets back. Sometimes men do funny things and just don't think things through very well. I know what you mean about feeling betrayed. The chiropractor that I dearly loved abandoned his practice and patients without notice over a year ago and I was devastated. I considered him a good friend. I was almost mistreated (emotionally) by a massage therapist and that traumatized me too. I think we all feel alone with this illness because no one else feels the pain of our lives that had been so horribly altered in every way. You are a smart and courageous lady.

 

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