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Fibro is killing my relationship :(
14 Replies
alivenotliving - January 29

I have had weeks now where I feel like doing absolutely nothing. I have never been a baby and have an amazing pain tolerance...but these past few weeks have made me cry and feel as though there is no hope for anything in my life. I feel lonely and scared all the time and have no energy to fight it. I don't get a lot of support because people always see me smiling through it...pushing myself to be some sort of super woman until I drop from exhaustion. My fiancee doesn't understand it at all so he is not the best at sympathizing with how painful it truly is. these past few days have been very cold and damp...snow up to my knees and it has been hell on me. Yet he gets upset when I say I don't want to go anywhere...especially at 10pm to get him cigarettes and a damn lotto ticket! The arguing about what a sissy I am for not wanting to venture out into the cold is really beginning to make me think about how much longer he will be my fiancee :( Because he will either get sick of me being so sick all the time...or I will get to the end of my ropes with his lack of compassion :( I hate this Fibro and despise what it is doing to the person I used to be :(

 

kvc33 - January 29

Wow, how sad. I think you need to make some changes in your life. First of all, pushing yourself has got to go, it will only make you worse. I think it's possible that you are now experiencing situational depression. The feelings of fear, sadness, and no energy suggest that. Are you taking an anti-depressant? I don't think that this man is for you, it isn't the fibro that's the problem. Years from now he may be the one who is sick or disabled and he would expect support from you, that's what a relationship is about. If he can't be supportive even before you get married you can bet that it will get even worse if you do get married. Also-- do you really want to be with someone who has the unhealthy habits of smoking and gambling? I hope you are not exposing yourself to second-hand smoke as it is bad for anyone but especially bad for anyone with a chronic illness. In fact it could be part of the reason you aren't feeling well. Please see your doctor and get some counseling. You are going to need it to get through this. I see better things for you in the future.

 

Fantod - January 29

I agree with kvc33. Your fiance sounds like some one that you don't need in your life. The basic fact that he refuses to acknowledge your illness does not bode well for the future.

And, I would not be going out at 10PM for anyone
including the Queen to get cigarettes and lottery tickets. His legs are not broken and those are his bad habits. He needs to man up or get out. You do not need or deserve that kind of treatment or stress.

I hope that you will consider getting some counseling. A different perspective on your situation may help you make some different life choices that will ensure a happier future. Take care.

 

alivenotliving - January 30

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes, I am taking Cymbalta for the depression, but lately nothing seems to help...and I know you are right...I DO need to make some changes in my life. I mentioned the feelings I am having the other day and it seems that I got nowhere. I moved 3 hours from home, friends, and family and gave up my job for his, which called for us to relocate. He pulls up job opportunities daily and throws them in my face...All jobs that require sitting at a computer all day...but he doesn't understand that it hurts to sit all day. But if I mention a position as a waitress or bartender, which I am VERY good at...it's always beneath his corporate ladder climbing ass....he seesw people whi work those positions as nothing and going nowhere....I see people who work hard and though they might not have a degree (which I do)as people who should be proud that they are making it no matter what it takes. The economy sucks here in Michigan and you have to grab anything available...and why can't it be good enough if I am contributing to pay the bills ? :(

 

kvc33 - January 30

Sounds like you should pack your bags and go home for a while. Maybe that would help you to sort things out in your mind and be a welcome break from your situation.

 

Fantod - January 30

I think that your fiance is an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. I was a server back when the pyramids were being built. I worked with people who had degrees or were going to school to be lawyers and doctors. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing a job like that. Things are really tough here in MI. You take what you can get these days.

You need to pack your stuff and go home now. I hope that your name is not on the lease so you can't be held responsible any portion of it. Never ever give up your own chequing account, credit cards or anything else that has your name on it when you are in a relationship and/or married. Keep a separate identity and credit rating as nothing seems to be written in stone these days. Never cosign or lend anyone money no matter how much they beg. You never know when you might need it as I did after 22 years of marriage. I had no problems with credit as it was well established in my own name. I was able to buy a house even though I am completely disabled.

You will have a happier life without this "gentleman" pulling you down at every turn. Eventually, some administrative assistant will be his undoing. Good luck to you and take care.

 

axxie - January 31

Oh Dear you are not standing up for your rights. What is wrong with you at the moment, and I"m sorry to say is your so called fiance. There's is nothing wrong with being a waitress, at the end, my dear, if you can make good money and you are happy is all that counts.

As for getting up at 10p.m. to go buy him cigs and loto tickets, is at it's best mind bongling.. he can very well get to his feet and start walking in snow, rain or sleet and get his own cigarettes. Tell him next time, he can go get his own and at the same time, why don't you stand up for yourself and tell him to keep on walking out of your life.

If you think moving back at home is the best for you then move. Thank god you don't have any kids and thank god you are not married to that creap.

One of the things I found, is all of us who have fibro sometime get treated like shit, only because people just don't understand what it's like to hurt 24/7.

As for your cymbalta if you are feeling this way it's time to ask the good doctor to up your cymbalta or give you the same dose, in two dose, I found when I was on cymbalta, I was better to have the two lower dose which I would take one every twelve hours. It worked wonders for me, and it' might for you.

Really you need a new perspective in life, and drop that so called fiance of yours. Every bad relationship will make you twice as ill. Ask any of us, we can all vouch for that.

You are a lucky young lady, who doesn't have any kids and are not married, so relatively easy to pack up and move, except yes, it's hurts, have yourself a good cry and mourne that relationship and then move on, I am 100% sure you will physically and mentally feel better for it.

Good luck to you

 

Fibrosukz - January 31

hi alivenotliving: I totally relate! My hubby isnt very supportive either. I think he just doesnt want to understand or is afraid that he is gonna have to take care of me but im not sure.The days that i feel fine, he is ok, then being out in the cold just locks my body d he is asking me, why r u feeling like that cause yesterday u seemed fine? Im getting to the point that i shouldnt have to explain myself every damn time i feel like crap!! I have been on Cymbalta, Wellbutrin and Paxill and nothing helped so right now im on Tylonel #3 and trazadone.

 

Tspringer - February 7

Grrrrr

I mostly lurk here and post rarely, but this one got my goat. So much about this disease makes me so angry. I think this kind of thing ranks right up there with doctors denying fibro's existence take the top spot.

Tell this loser to get educated or get gone.

I do not have Fibro. My wife does. I know what its like to be on the other end, and this sort of behavior is not acceptable. Its not how people should treat someone they love.

My wife and I and our 2 kids decided 5+ years ago to work toward taking a long sabbatical and moving aboard our sailboat to live and home school the kids. We took giant risks, chucked it all and made it happen. Financial suicide... but we wanted our family to experience the cruising lifestyle. My wife said "if I am going to feel like crap, at least it should be in a tropical paradise". She is a gutsy broad!

It did not work out. Fibro got the better and we had no choice but to return to land and try to rebuild our life. One of my lifelong dreams thus died.... but holding it against her? Crazy, as if she wanted this to happen or had any control over it?

Loved ones have to fight this together. We are fighting. I view it as a war we are both in, and we will win.


Terry

 

alivenotliving - February 16

Thank you to everyone for your replies. Seems to me that deep inside I know this relationship is not going in a good direction, especially when I am genuinely ill and can't do anything to change that, yet receive little compassion for the illness. And I can't, for the life of me, believe that after 2 bad relationships with physical and mental abuse, that I have found myself in this nightmare of another new start. I have left this relationship a number of times and find myself falling for the "I'm so sorry" routine more than I care to admit :( I find myself feeling like a fool more and more. But, this past couple of weeks I have been making some decisions and moving toward the happiness I miss so desperately :) I went through the basement, and the whole house and began getting my things in order. Pretty much all of my stuff is packed and ready to go, or moved into the office...that way everything is in 1 location and can be taken out in one day so I don't have to return for anything. My sister and I are plotting my return home. And as soon as I can afford it...and when I can put that tie on to pull my head out of my ass to get courage to finally give up on savng the world, I will be moving in with my si for a bit until I am back on my feet. I am terrified to be starting over again...but there is a spark of excitement as well...just gotta get that spark to flame up and blow me out the front door once and for all. Thanks again to everyone!

 

SpEdTeacherInPain - February 17

To Sparks!!! Good luck to you and know that you are part of our Fibro family. We are all far away and can't support each other face to face but we feel your pain (quite literally) and are with you in spirit! Remember the serenity prayer. It works for alcoholics it can work for us!
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference

 

Fantod - February 17

alivenotliving - I'm so glad to hear that you are making plans to get out of that situation! The sooner the better. Good luck and keep in touch! You go girl!

 

kvc33 - February 17

May I suggest that you get some counseling to figure out why you keep choosing men that are not good for you, otherwise believe it or not, you will just do it again. Also, never leave everything behind for a man. Your job, family and friends are just as important.

 

Pinxie - February 18

Hi There,

I am so sorry that you feel responsible for this. Please go back over your posting and look at how you have introduced it. " Fibro is killing my relationship :( "

Should this not read " My partners utter selfishness is killing our relationship :-("


Pinxie

 

January - February 18

Pinxie just made a really excellent point. Wow, that was observant and thoughtful!

Terry - you sound like a sweetheart! God bless and thanks for your posting. You are a ray of sunshine!

(See nice guys do exist! So don't spend your time on a LOSER! Even a "successful" loser who treats you like crap. WAKE UP NOW! If I had a nickel for all the lovely women I have seen get left flat, after wasting 30 years on a high-earning, philandering, executive BUM who looks good in a suit!) Get out while you can, girl! And yes, get counseling to break the pattern.

I agree with you all about the economy. You take what's right for you. Some waitresses make more than office workers. What you do to pay the bills has nothing to do with your education or intelligence.

 

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