Even as I write this, I am praying for God to give me the right words to say to you. My heart aches for you, and I wish you could know how strongly I feel about this. I have been reading this post for many months since my diagnosis, and this is the most vitally important question you could have asked. I'm sure you are not the only one who feels this way.
I absolutely believe in God. But I don't just believe He exists, I know Him as a friend, father, and savior. That is why, even though I don't understand exactly why He has allowed this condition, I have never doubted His existence.
If you had heard about someone, read about them, even sent letters to them, but never met them, you might be able to be convinced that they weren't real. But what about a friend or family member? No matter what anyone said, you would never be persuaded that your friend wasn't real. Why? Because you know them. You've seen them, talked to them, had a relationship with them. You know they are real, because you have experienced them! This is how you can know God is real. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is real, because I have accepted Him into my heart, talked with Him, been comforted by Him, and had a relationship with Him. I cannot imagine life without Him. He wants that with you too.
I know right now you feel that He's forsaken you. Even though I have never doubted God's existence, I have had my own doubts about His faithfulness. Probably everyone here has at some point. We see seemingly hopeless circumstances, pain we can't understand, and wonder what kind of a God could allow it. Why won't He answer our prayers? The truth is, He always answers. But the answer isn't always yes. Sometimes it's "yes", sometimes it's "later"...but sometimes it's "no". It's hard for us to be able to understand why God says no to something so important and life-changing. But there is a verse in the bible that says "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)
Do you remember when you were a child and you wanted something very badly, but your parents wouldn't give it to you? (Or perhaps you've been on the other side of this.) You asked and begged and insisted you had to have it, but they still said no. At the time, you didn't know why, and you may have been angry at them. But they weren't saying no because they didn't care, but because they loved you so much, and knew it wasn't best for you. That is a picture of God as our heavenly Father. He delights in giving us good gifts, but He loves us too much to give us everything we want. I will be the first to admit that my first argument has always been "But this is different. This is something very important...we're talking about my life here! And the lives of everyone around me! I know being healthy is best!" No matter how hard I try, I can't understand why God would say "no" on this matter. But I trust Him. I trust Him because I know Him. I have seen His faithfulness, I have talked with Him, I have felt his love for me. I KNOW that He is good...even when I don't understand.
He wants so much for you to know this too. Even though you don't believe in Him now, He still believes in you. It hurts Him that you have rejected him, but He doesn't love you any less. He still has a plan for your life, even though that plan may be totally different than the one you had for yourself.
Another bible verse says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.I will be found by you," declares the LORD."
You may not get the answer you want, but He promises that you will find Him. And when you do, He will be more than enough. Though your body may have pain, your heart will have a peace and joy you have never known before. This peace only comes when you admit that you don't understand, that you haven't always lived for Him, and that you have sinned. If you ask Him to forgive you, to take over your life and teach you more about who He is, He WILL do it. There is no doubt, no catch, no work on your part. There is no saint to pray to, in fact God tells us not to pray to anyone or anything but Him. Because of Jesus, we have direct access to God. He alone forgives us, and He gives salvation freely. He died just to give it to you. And there is nothing you have done or ever will do that can separate you from His love.
I know this post is very long, but I hope you will think about it. This is the most important decision you will ever make, and I will be praying every day for you, that you will discover Christ and his love. That you will learn who He is, and experience his goodness and peace. If you have any more questions, or need help, let me know. If you should choose to accept His gift of salvation, I would love to know so I can pray for you and rejoice with you. My email address is bwelladjusted at yahoo.com. I will be praying for you. God bless.