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can't go on
5 Replies
joeboy - April 8

like this.... I don't want my life to be and endless stream of insomnia and pills. I want to die... I am hopeless....Believe it or not, I got fibro because I was insessantly worrying about getting a large tattoo on my back... unfortnately, the artist was a flake and everytime i would go to get it, he would postpone...this happened three times and my anxiety built and built each time. i have always been afraid of pain my whole life. Then, my back mysteriously started hurting and it hurt for two months. when i finally got the tattoo, it was feeling a bit better, but then the pain spread. now, i have full blown fibro and recently, my eyes began to dry up. now, i cannot watch tv, read, look at the coputer screen; i am typing with my eyes closed right now. i was recently put on effexor and am suicidal; why do i want to live like this?????Clearly, mine is caused by psychological issues and i believe that this is the worst type of fibro; difficult to treat; my insomnia is so extreme i have not taken even a five minute nap in four months.. i only sleep with the use of large amounts of temazipam.... how can i sleep????? I am out of control


mdak - April 8

joeyboy-I have heard your hopelessness before and I wish I could be there for you. I guess I am by responding to you. I have written before and told you that I too was at that point. It was a year ago actually and believe me I dont ever want to get to that point again. It sounds kind of funny, but what they found out with me is the medications was causing me to have severe depression. Yes I have severe pain, and I always thought that caused my depression. Once I had some medication changes and a lot of support I began to take baby steps in the right direction. You sound suicidal, I hope you will find a emergency hotline for some help or find a family member or a friend to tell. Please dont change any medications without your doctor ordering it. I use to think that I couln't bear through this, but I realize this is a valley and I will get through it. you need some hope to hang on to. I just pray that you seek some mental health care tonight. You can usually find crises hotline in the phone book. I have used it before and they pulled me through before. Let us know how can we support you best.


Cher0208 - April 8


Please don't say you want to die. Yeah, this sucks ass. I have an array of symptoms. I sometimes feel like I am being tortured. If it isn't chronic fatigue and severe widespread pain then it's blurry vision or numbness or my hearing gets funny. Seems all of my senses are affected. We all have our days when we cry and feel so desperate. But it will get better. For me, changing my diet has made me feel tremendously better especially with the pain. I stay away from sugar, gluten when I can, processed foods, corn and soy. I limit my dairy, eat a lot of brown rice, clean meat, vegetables, fruit. I take vitamins and changed jobs so I wouldn't be on my feet. I run when I can, yoga when I feel like it. And I try to stay as positive as I can. I have had anxiety my whole life and I truly believe that is what opened the door to this for me as well. Always worrying and living in fear. A processed diet my whole life. etc.

If you are suicidal please get help. Your life is so precious.

Your dry eyes might indicate Sjogren's syndrome. See a good Rheumatologist. Finding a good doctor can be as challenging as learning to live with chronic pain. I've been on a 10 month journey since this began. I haven't given up on getting to the real culprit and am now being tested for Porphyria. I may or may not have it but I feel I am getting closer.

I didn't have or know what my passion in life was before this nightmare started but now I am in love with nutrition. I think for me Fibromyalgia has enriched my life. I didn't appreciate the little things before. I took people and things and even my life for granted. Now I am on a mission to heal my life, my body and hopefully one day others.

Louise Hay is a metaphysical author, whose books have changed my life. She says that our thoughts can create dis-ease in our bodies. According to her, Fibromyalgia is a result of chronic fear. Well it rings true for me. Try to pick up You Can Heal Your Life. I am learning so much from this experience. Yes, I still wished it never had happened to me's the point I am at. This is here, I have to accept it. Accepting it does not mean I open myself up to suffering the rest of my life. Accepting this means the FLIGHT response is over and now I FIGHT. I am not running away from this any more. I have turned around to face it head on and I am going to fight until I win. I tell you, there isn't much more that I am afraid of after this.

So be strong and take it one day at a time. Forget everything else. You focus on you healing and nothing else. You HAVE to get some sleep. Your body does not heal, rest, regenerate if you are not sleeping. Do your research every chance you get and you will get better. I sleep with a eye mask on as blocking out natural light is very important to get into a deep stage 4 sleep, I take Melatonin when I have to for a few days at a time (Not good for long term use), I drink sleepy time teas, I go to bed at the same time every night, I take baths with lavender and Epsom salt, you name it I do it. Sleep is the most important factor next to diet. I still have trouble sleeping sometimes but all those "little" things make a huge difference!

Furthermore, this forum is a blessing. There are some wonderful people on here, full of knowledge. The support is so comforting. I am so grateful to have found this forum and truly hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck. And please reach out anytime you have questions, fears or just need to vent. :0)



hope4painrelief - April 9

I understand your feelings, but suicide is not the answer your family and friends will suffer. I have bipolar disorder and have been hospitalized over 23 times since I was in my teens I am 38 now. I have tried suicide before but really it only hurt me in the end. I had to make peace with it and deal the best way I could with my psych dr and trying to just go on. Now that I have fibro it has gotten worse but think about all you have been through and you are still here, for your purpose only you have the ability to find out. I would encourage you to seek help ASAP whether you go to an ER for psych eval or making an appt to see a pain specialist a psychiatrist and psychologist you have to be proactive to get better. It sounds like we have similar issues as I have had insomnia since a child and it is very frustrating and really affects what little life we have. It can get better just don't give up your life can change but you have to stick around to see it happen. Just a thought with effexor it is possible it can cause suicidal thoughts call a 24 hr pharmacy to double check and speak to your dr that prescribed it to you. Don't wait to see if it goes away, call someone or go to the ER.
Hang in there


January - April 9

joeboy - YOU MAY BE HAVING A BAD REACTION to Effexor, including suicidal thoughts, insomnia, dryness and anxiety, and THIS IS NOT your fault. Here is a list of side effects of Effexor from drugs. com. I have CAPITALIZED the ones you mentioned. PLEASE CALL YOUR DOCTOR, OR GO TO THE E.R. NOW. Tell them you are having a SEVERE adverse reaction to your drug and do it now!


Severe allergic reactions; bizarre behavior; blood in the stool; chest pain or discomfort; confusion; decreased concentration; decreased coordination; decreased urination; fainting; fast or irregular heartbeat; fever, chills, or sore throat; hallucinations; memory problems; new or worsening aggressiveness, AGITATION, HOSTILITY, IMPULSIVENESS, INABILITY TO SIT STILL, IRRITABILITY, PANIC ATTACKS, OR RESTLESSNESS; persistent or severe ringing in the ears; red, swollen, blistered, or peeling skin; seizures; SEVERE OR PERSISTENT ANXIETY, NERVOUSNESS, OR TROUBLE SLEEPING; severe or persistent cough; severe or persistent headache, dizziness, stomach pain, or weakness; shortness of breath; significant weight loss; SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OR ATTEMPTS; tremor; trouble concentrating; unsteadiness or loss of coordination; unusual bruising or bleeding; UNUSUAL OR SEVERE MENTAL OR MOOD CHANGES; UNUSUAL WEAKNESS; VISION PROBLEMS; WORSENING OF DEPRESSION."

You will feel much better when you get on a regimen that works well for you - but antidepressants may not be good for you. You will need to fight for yourself. Right now, you are having a bad drug reaction; because of anxiety, you are not thinking clearly, so take someone with you to fight for you, if you can.


kvc33 - April 9

joeboy- they are right. Anti-depressants can cause the thing they are supposed to treat- depression and suicidal thoughts. You should talk to your doctor ASAP or go to the hospital. Tranquilzers such as temazapam are addictive and require higher and higher doses. I am going through my own withdrawal right now and it is going to take months for me to get through it. You need to retrain your brain as well, I believe it is true that chronic worry and fear causes illness. Learn deep breathing exercises, go for short walks, listen to relaxation tapes. These kinds of things should be the first line of defense for anyone with insomnia. I've been dealing with this stuff for 17 years so I understand.



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