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annoyed and disheartened
5 Replies
mm30 - August 22

hi im just here to vent really.
where do i begin. i had to leave my home with my partner due to a harrasing neighbour. its a long story but i lived beside her for a year with barking dogs abussive language she would steal my plants throw gum in on my door step and cigarette butts etc. every time i left the house she would come to her front door and stare at me getting into my car etc in order to intimidate me.she even had friends call to rev motor bikes in her drive way and throw stones at my windows. silly things that would drive me insane but when i went to the police they told me that she hadnt really done anything wrong. anyway living beside someone like this over a period of time broke me down, anxious in my own home to the point where i didnt want to leave my house.i spent alot of my time sleeping to escape my depressive moods. my partner works long hours and i only work part time and it was just the two of us in the house. i spent alot of time dealing with this neighbour on my own. i never had a face to face argument with her but she would do subtle things around my home (inlcuding training her dog to soil in my garden) until i began to question my sanity at times. one morning four months ago i got in my car and went to work and i havent been home since. i broke down in work and went to my mothers afterwards and i have never even been back there for a change of clothing.
my partner has been living there alone and he brought some personal belongings and things to my moms. i went into a very black state, i was paranoid and extremely anxious. when i went out i would constantly look over my shoulder and avoid people as much as possible. the only real time i left the house was for the four hours of work i have daily. I have suffered depression in the passed and i had a contact who i had been to see in the passed. she had a cancelation and took me straigth away. when i saw her she urged me to go to see a dr. i went to see him ( old family dr) and he told me i did not suffer depression without really listening to me. He wrote me a presciption for a few xanax and told me to stay away from the house for now. so there i was with a few xanax and no support. i went to see another dr and she listened to me, gave me some literature and advice, took me seriously, gave me full check up and took bloods etc. she told me that she would have my thyroid checked and send me to see a psychiatrist for an assessment. she confirmed that she thought i had a bipolar disorder. so i continued to see my counsellor and waited for results and appointment for psychiatrist. bloods came back clear and i recieved appointment for psychiatrist. he was fine, he listened to me and told me told me that i was suffering chronic depression (not bipolar) due to trauma/grievance for life and disapoinment. i felt sad but relieved that people were halping me and believing me at such a scary time in my life. i started to suffer with unbelievable pains in my ribs and breast and my periods went haywire. i lost a lot of weight and i found lumps around my rib cage and under my breast. this of course scared me and i went to see my doctor straight away. she diagnosed me with having fibromyalgia based on my body aching all over ( which i thought was just due to feeling so low and to be honest i felt so low that i was nearly numb to anything that was happening to my body or my life around me) i also have and have had for years very bad IBS. she told me these were all connected. she mentioned hot baths for pain and typical pain killers. but didnt want to put me on any other meds until she heard from the psychiatrist.
In the mean time my partner booked us a trip away for two weeks in order to take our minds off the house and to spend some time together. to de-stress. (he is living in the house paying mortgage etc while we try to sell). we went away and although i did have pains from the fibro and worries from well everything. i read a few books, went for walks, relaxed and enjoyed my time away. i went back to see my psychicatrist two days after returning ( to my mothers house) from our holiday. psychiatrist told me i wasnt depressed because i didnt come across that way on that specific day. he told me he would leave me an open appointment to return again if my low moods had returned again etc. i couldnt believe it i sat there in shock. i explained to him that just because i had enjoyed two weeks away out of the horrible situation i am in didnt mean i was cured.
i think exact words were should i just lay down and die. i cant cry all the time?

he looked at me blankly and said he believed i would be fine if i was out of the situation.
oh wow well done doc never thought that might help well done.

its so frustrating, we have a beautiful home but are trying to sell in a time where nothing is selling and definetly for so much less than its worth.

i feel so ashamed of myself for being in this situation. for leaving my partner behind in the house on his own.

i should be able to go home and stand up to a bully but i am so tired and sore and terrified that i will go back to being as anxious and depressed as i was. its a place in my head i never want to go back to. its so strange im most afraid of what happened to my state of mind and the thoughts that went through my head at time.


so here i am again feeling lost and unsupported. aching limbs and splitting headaches.

Are my not allowed a good day? its so hard to be possitive when i'm so sad and home sick. people cant understand why i cant get into the car and just go home. i cant even drive down the street.
its so hard trying to proove myself and im just so tired and burnt out.


thanks i needed that.

 

Noca - August 22

I'm sorry your neighbour is an asshole. You should try to sue the neighbour and get a restraining order. As for your depression, you need to keep searching for a doctor who will listen to you and prescribe you some medication and/or CBT to help treat it. You don't sound bipolar to me either. In the sea of doctors, there is a lot of bad ones mixed in with the good ones.

Hang in there.

 

mm30 - August 22

hi noca, yeah i knew i wasnt bipolar but i guess she was just taking on board the fact that when i was having a very block episode i would sleep and stay in bed for days. other times i can be the life and soul of the party. but yeah i knew when i read up on it that that wasnt me.
i cant sue my neighbour i documented things that she did etc but i was reported her numerous times but because the things she was doing weren't considered harrassment as in she didnt attack me or obvious vandilism to my property they told me they couldnt do anything. things may work different over here in ireland. you know what the neighbour is sitting at home now not even realising the affect she has had on my whole life. its been totally torn upside down. but i guess i was the weak one to give into it and i guess there must have been root issues. she still did wrong though.

can you believe that when i told the psych that i was so fed up to be living apart from my partner, that he told me that he and his wife have to live apart cause she is retraining. :(

i will go back to my gp and see what she says i just needed to get off my chest.
thanks.

 

Stacey373 - August 22

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this kind of crap in your life. You should not be out of your home because of a bad neighbor...that just seems so completely wrong. I'm not even sure what to say...you already admitted that you should stand up to her and not let her do this. so what else is there to say? If you can't do it...you just can't do it!

You are obviously dealing with major depression. Maybe you aren't Bi-polar...but you are definitely depressed. My mom is Bi-polar and I've been told that I am (don't know if I REALLY am!) and people who suffer from that have extreme highs and lows for no apparent reason. Every time I've gone down, I didn't even realize what I was doing until I was so severely depressed and then I would realize what was going on.

It sounds like with you, you know exactly WHY you are feeling this way. If I were you, I would go right back to your regular doctor and tell her that you NEED an anti-depressant. Don't take NO or any more excuses for an answer! It's not like you're asking for a narcotic or something that's addictive....it's just an anti-depressant! But it's something that you obviously need desperately.

If one anti-depressant doesn't work on you, don't give up! I took almost every major drug out there before I finally found that 40 mg of Lexapro works for me.(that's ALOT of mg for someone to take, the normal is only 20 mg) Your #1 Top Priority should be to get the medication that you need....then you can start working on all the rest that is going on.

From the sounds of it, I don't think you are even going to begin getting out of this hell you are living in until you get on an anti-depressant and hopefully try seeing a new counselor to talk to that will actually listen to you.

I hope my advice is some-what helpful. Feel free to vent on here as much as you need to! Take Care of yourself and let us know what's going on, Stacey :o)

 

toots2889 - August 22

mm30, Im so sorry to hear that you have to live next to someone like her. Does she still do this now that your gone? Im sorry but if this was me, I would get myself on a antidepressant. Then once I was doing good on that, and felt good, I would go back to the house. I would take a friend with me if possible to stay with me. I would see if she starts her crap again, and if she did, i would start responding back. If you love your home and dont really want to move, then dont let her drive you out! If the police say they cant do anything, you need to take it into your own hands.
If she throws cig.butts and gum, then pick them up and give them back to her, but record and date everything you can. When she has her dogs barking, turn up some music and let her know that your not listening to her dogs. If she throws rocks at your window, get it on tape if you can. Then do something to her in return. You should also confront her and let her know that your not going to tolerate her behavior anymore. That you will not be bullied and harrassed anymore! I had a similar neighbor, and i fought back after a long time of bulling and now he doesnt bother me anymore. I think it took me to stand up to him and fight back, that made him quit. No one should be forced to move, because of a neighbor being bored with their own lives. Sometimes you have to fight back in life, and stand firm for yourself. Right now shes laughing from ear to ear because she thinks she won. If you give her back the gum and the butts, it might make her do something illegal that you can get her on. Dont give up. Were here for you, and please keep in touch as I will be thinking of you. God Bless you and keep you in his hands.

 

mm30 - August 22

Thank you so much for your comments. i did think about the cameras but i was advised by the police not to install as she has children and they could turn on me saying i breach of privacy - can you believe that. i feel like such a coward. this woman is evil incarnet. she is known and is by no means quiet i do not think from stories ive heard and my vibe of her that she would back down. we have windows between our houses that look into each other kitchen and she would stand leaning against her breakfast bar staring into my kitchen. i would feel her looking at me and when i would look up she didnt even flinch. she and her husband used to to this and at the start i used to make a point of just continuing cleaning or ironing or what have you and turn on some music and sing away to it. we asked if it would be ok if we raised the fence in between the house for privacy and she went crazy shouting at my partner telling him if he touched fence there would be consequences. its a shared fence so we couldnt touch on legal advise. i bought some screening for my windows and i think this just pee'd her off no end. things escalated after that. i live in a small town and so i see her around town even then i cant deal with it. its a living hell. toots to answer your question after i left she stopped. according to my partner the dog no longer soils in the garden and no gum no cig butts and they are fairly quiet despite the dogs barking from time. he works twelve hours shifts and so he is hardly there. i know in my heart and soul that if i return it will start again and she has seen the affect it has and so its given her all the power. i was a nervous mess there and i just cant even go there in my head never mind in body. i really dont want to relive it. it gets to me because i would be fairly strong and the advise i would give anyone is what you are giving me. its just so personal its my home and i couldnt even sleep at night without the craziest nightmares. anyway i could talk forever about it to be honest feel paranoid posting it so freely here leaving me so open.

thank you so much for your thoughts i had to talk about it cause i was gonna explode.

its been a bad week.

 

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