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Am I heading For A Breakdown
11 Replies
toots2889 - December 24

Sorry all, I know its X-mas Eve and I should be happy and spending great quality time with my boys. Instead im sitting here typing this to you in my pajamas. Im not doing well at all and am actually really worried about myself.I feel like my condition has gradually gotten worse to the point im at now. Its really scaring me, cause i havent been this way before.
My son had a wrestling tournament in Madison,Wi. yesterday. His dad couldnt go as he had to work, and my other son had school, so I went by myself.
Now as most of you know Ive already been struggling, and since it was a 4 1/2 hr. trip one way, I left on Wed. afternoon and spent the night.
I wasnt feeling good about going, my gut feeling was to stay home and not go. He being a senior and all I felt I needed to go as weve only got to see him wrestle 2 matches so far. The weather has kept us from wrestling and canceling meets. Also its an exciting time for Nick as hes closing in on his 100th win.He only needs 5 more wins and he has it.Anyway, I left around 1pm and heading for Wi. Everything went fine until I reached Madison, as it was dark. I couldnt read my directions,and so I ended up taking the wrong exit. I was lost and people were honking at me, and cutting in front of me(even when there wasnt enough room),and riding on my bumper. I was so frazzled, then someone cut in front of me causing me to hit my brakes. Pop went flying all over in my car, my cigarette went flying from ashtray and burned a hole on my console. Yes, Im a smoker, and yes I know I shouldnt! I pulled over in a Walgreens, and sat in my car and just bawled. I was so upset, and didnt think I could drive anymore. When I finally settled down I got directions from a really nice lady inside Walgreens, who felt so bad for me(i think she knew i had been crying). I had stopped earlier to get directions but that person wasnt much help. When I made it to the hotel I was a mess. I cryed so more and felt like i was gonna have a breakdown! I went to bed and slept but woke up the next morning totally exhausted. I missed my sons first match because i felt totally drained. Luckily my hotel was next to arena,and watched his matches. When it was toward the end of tournament, it was dark out. I was freaking out, and thought I was gonna have to spend another night there. There was noway I was driving, but lucky for me someone rode down with someone else and said hed drive my car back! Now Im home, but still am not feeling good. I feel out of control emotionally and dont even want to get in my car and drive now. Why? This has never happened to me before.Im also exhausted, even though i slept 12 hrs. today.I dont understand all of this, but do know I need to get in to see my Dr. about it. If any of you have any suggestions or have something similar happen, could you let me know.Right now im feeling very fragile, and am wondering if im heading for a breakdown. Sorry for rambling. I dont even now if this makes sense.


kvc33 - December 24

Dear toots, You will get through this, just give yourself time to recover. You had a traumatic experience in your car and you are wondering why you don't want to drive right now? It makes perfect sense. My dear you are not listening to your body and your intuition. Your gut told you not to go and there was a reason for that. Never discount it. A friend of mine was killed in a skiing accident after his father had told him that he had a bad feeling about it and that he shouldn't go. He didn't listen, had a freak accident and died. Traveling is out of the question for you right now and please, if you are going to smoke don't do it in the car. You are actually very lucky that you weren't in an accident or burned. You are not going to have a breakdown as long as you give yourself time to heal and listen to what your body and gut is telling you. Use this as a springboard for positive change. Perhaps in the new year you can have someone video tape your son's matches and decide to get help in order to quit smoking. Ask you doctor for resources. There are support groups, gums, patches, etc, but I'm sure you know that. Relax, rest and sleep as much as you can. Put the stress aside just for tomorrow and have a happy day. I am going to have to do the same myself as this winter has been the worst I've ever had.


Fantod - December 24

Toots - No, you are not heading for a breakdown. If you have enough sense to ask for help than you are a long way from that.

Stop beating yourself up and try to calm down. You have not been feeling good for a while. Pushing yourself to go to the wrestling match was not a good idea. Thank God you got there and back in one piece.

Kick back (248) in your jammies, break out the hot chocolate and some good DVDs. You need (210) to spend some quality time in bed. On Monday, I want you to promise that you will call your doctor and the counselor and get in to see them pronto (6595). Clearly you need rest. Don't worry about how much you are sleeping, just do

I think that as chronic illness patients, we all experience times when we hit a wall. If you need to talk - you have my number. I'm just sitting around, hoping to catch some far away relatives on Skype, watching telly and waiting for dinner. You won't be interrupting a darn thing.

Hang in there and don't do anything stupid. You have a lot of friends here whether you know it or not. Evelyn


Noca - December 24

(((hugsz))) sounds like you just need someone to talk to. Talking about it whether it be writing here or talking to another person, always helps!

Hang in there.


Fantod - December 25

toots - Could you please post and let us know how you are today? I'm really worried about you.


Stacey373 - December 25

Hi Toots - You sound so overwhelmed that it doesn't surprise me a trip like that would shake you up this much. Heck, that would scare the hell out of me and I probably wouldn't want to drive for awhile either!

I think you are pushing yourself way too hard and you need to take a break from all of this so you can re-group and start over.

I also think you should do what Fantod said and relax for the weekend and then get in to see your doctor ASAP. It sounds to me like you are running in a circle (mentally, emotionally, physically) and you need to stop and re-evaluate what's most important to you and let the rest go.
For now, YOU are the TOP priority and you are going to have to take care of yourself FIRST. If you keep running in this circle you are only going to hurt yourself more and then you won't be able to be there for your family at all.

Please call Fantod, or email me (red61677 aol com), or skype Noca or SOMETHING! We are all here for you and want to do whatever we can to help you get through this.

You're in my thoughts, Stacey :o)


toots2889 - December 25

Thank you guys for being there for me, if it wasnt for you all i dont know what id do! I feel so lost right now, and just trying my hardest to hang in there.
I realize now, i should have listened to my gut feeling. I have no plans on going anywhere anytime soon. FANTOD- I promise you that i will be going in on Monday to the dr. and see if i can get in to see a councelor. You are the best,and I will give you a call tom. once my boys leave if you dont mind! I could use a smart person like you to try and help me figure this mess out. I know im gonna have to talk to them about whats going on with me, but i want to wait until after the holidays. Stacey, thank you to and i will be in touch. Right now im exhausted, so im gonna lay down for awhile. You guys are wonderful and thanks for the support!


Fantod - December 26

toots - You can call me whenever it is convenient. I'm up and staggering around - lol. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. And, I feel better that you posted - thanks for that. We are all so worried about you.


axxie - December 26

Toots, you've been through so much, the good thing you can say, is you survived the trip and you asked for directions, and you got there in one piece and you did what other mothers do attend your sons wrestle match. Way to go.

Feeling exhausted after what you went through, I'd still be in bed, girl..... you did just fine.

Bet you, when you were younger you could do the same trip and not break a sweat, ever wonder maybe you need hormone replacement? Look I'm no doctor but know as much, I studied the damn thing far too long, and what I have found, is, these doctors always want to prescribe us with tranqualizer instead of replacing what our body need to most, hormones.

I give you my strength and I give you love, be nice to yourself and give yourself a break from everything and treat yourself to a coffee / tea away from everyone. YOu are doing fine. You are ok, and you will continue to do well. Just remember life is a challenge and you can't beat every challenge.

Merry Christmas a little late, but still very meaninful..


toots2889 - December 26

Fantod, Im sorry for not calling you today. My son got called into work, so they didnt leave until he got off at 7pm. My ears are really bothering me to, so im having a hard time hearing. Im looking forward to time to myself, to relax for a few days. You all seem to agree that i need this, so hopefully this will help.

My only family that i still have contact with, left me out in the cold. We were texting each other and I told her what happened. She didnt really seem to care, which is usually the case with her. If something going on with her, ive always been there for her. When it comes to me, she doesnt put forth the same effort, if that makes any sense. Ive talked to her about this not that long ago, but apparently shes not gonna change. I need to decide if my relationship with her is worth keeping. Im lucky though because ive found a new family, in all of you. You guys are worth more than words could ever say. Im blessed to have found all of you.

I will let you know how things go at the dr.s tom. Take care, and thanks for being there when i needed you!


kvc33 - December 27

Some people care but have no idea how to express it or be supportive. I someone in my life who claims to love me but doesn't ever really say anything supportive when I tell her what I'm going through. She doesn't seem to listen well either yet I do know that she cares. Maybe that is the case with your family member. There is value in supporting others even if they don't support you. You just have to make sure that it doesn't drain you.


Fantod - December 27

Toots - No problem. Just as long as you are OK. I hope that you are able to get into to see the doctor today. I'll be available to talk late this afternoon or early evening if you want/feel up to it. Just want you to know that I'm here if you need me.



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