Lazy but not really
tnichel - Jun 3rd, 2009 4:56 PM
[ Original Post ]

As some of you already know, I recently started seeing a pain management doctor. During my checkup I told him how I had been oversleeping sincing changing my meds and not hearing my alarms despite setting 3 of them. He asked me what time I went to bed and got up in the morning. I usually get about 8 to 8 1/2hours. He said I needed more than that and I should get to bed at least an hour earlier.

Now I know my body requires 9-10 hours, preferable 11-12 to feel really good but I hate sleeping so much. (At least I don't need naps anymore accept during flares)I feel like I'm being lazy and I don't get anything accomplished. So I somehow don't think it's ok to sleep that much unless a doctor tells me so. Imagine the irony of realizing that while sitting in the doctors office. I'm starting to realize I have more type A personality characteristics than I thought which could be part of the problem.

Then on top of that I have a friend who is miss be involved in everything...actually most of my friends are like that. But anyway, the first 20 minutes of our convo is about her doing this, being involved in that, she's tired from doing this, this and that...and tomorrow she has to do blah, blah, blah... and then, so what about you? Um,I got out of bed today. lol. So that makes me feel worse b/c the only thing I got accomplished the past two days was making it to the grocery store and vacuumed my living room. lol.

Anywho, I thought I'd share these thoughts with you guys b/c it's so frustrating. I still have my spells of denial. I'm working hard on seeing myself as lazy and boring, and to keep a positive outlook. It's just hard when the rest of the world around you is going at such a frenzied pace and your the tortoise in the story just moving along at a snails pace. At this rate, by the time I get all my winter clothes put away it'll be time to pull them out again. ;)

Comment


 

Fantod - Jun 3rd, 2009 11:11 PM

Tnichel - I think that you are in a much better place than even six months ago! The thing that you need to remember about fibromyalgia is that is disrupts your deep (REM) cycle. You may be sleeping for 8 hours but it may not be the restorative sleep that you need. And, I've said it before and I'll say it again - be grateful for anything that you can accomplish. It is important for your self esteem. Measuring yourself against other people just isn't healthy thinking. I rather like the slower pace of my life now that I've stopped beating myself up about it. We all get frustrated. You work on your winter clothes and I'll try and unpack the boxes that are still sitting around after I moved over a month ago... We are all in this together and I think that you are doing very well under the circumstances. Take care.


solanadelfina - Jun 4th, 2009 1:00 AM

Hi there. I don't think you're lazy at all- if you were, it wouldn't be frustrating. :) A rich life isn't one that's packed with appointments- it's one filled with joys of the soul.

Fantod, I completely agree with you. I was terrible to myself in school, always pushing pushing pushing to get the best grades and take the hardest courses, and it's only now that I've learned to slow down and take care of my physical body, too. I actually think I'll live a lot longer due to the changes that fibro has forced me to make in my lifestyle.

I don't know if this will help, but when I start comparing myself to others without this, I think that I have to grow as a purple orchid instead of a red rose like the crowd. But it'll be the most beautiful purple orchid I can be. :)


tnichel - Jun 4th, 2009 5:01 PM

Thanks guys. I just wanted to share my thoughts with others. Especially with those younger than myself who could learn something from me. Like you solanadelfina, I didn't listen to my body in college and worked 2 jobs and did an internship. I was a complete mess by the time I graduated. It's a wonder how I managed to continue going day after day.

Thus looking back on my type a tendencies when it comes to certain things. I always saw myself as laid back which wasn't true at all. I realize now I have to let that go. I'm in my late 30's now. I've learned a lot about myself since being diagnosed and a lot about this disease. Maybe this will help those in their late teens, early 20's or newly diagnosed so they won't waste time fighting what they can't change. Thanks again for listening and sharing.

For now I'll repeat to myself at least 5 times a day "you are not lazy." lol. Great anaology solanadelfina!


sikntird - Jun 5th, 2009 2:01 AM

I used to feel the same. Just a thought - I make a list of things/chores I want to accomplish. This is a day-to-day list. Whenever I do anything on that list, I cross it off. The thing is I put down everything - wash hair, wash dog, do my laundry, make dr appt. What I don't get to, I just add it on to the next day. Anyone else who read my list would think I have serious mental problems HA! After 20 yrs of fibro I simply don't care what others think. I believe in me. That's all that matters. That & a good sense of humor, the more twisted the better. Only those w/fibro can truly understand our humor. Laugh another day!



axxie - Jun 9th, 2009 1:46 AM

Hey girl, I know how you feel, and as you know somedays we all have that meeting with a certain someone who just talks endless about their accomplishment.

You know how the mindworks, humor and keeping onself in trouble. Yes you read right, A good mystic is doing a good job if she/he is always in trouble, it keeps you out of real trouble and is an excellent distraction from your chronic pain. And beside you will really enjoy doing so. It makes life more worthwhile and it distracts you from dealing with chronic pain.

Heck I became a kid again, I usually find something to enjoy and focust on. When I wait for the doctor and they have paperclips, I clip them all together, and leave it on the desk, just a little humor for me to switch off the pain receptors. So give youself to be silly again, and when you see that certain person, just say with a smaile, you were also very busy being in trouble and wink at them. That will drive them crazzy, wanting to know what it means, and when they do ask, just say you found the real purpose in life and it wasn't about being involved in everything, but rather enjoying one self by just trying to keep out of trouble.

I know what you need about the winter clothing, I still have one christmas ornament that I have not packaged, it on my refrigerator and when I look up and see it there I have this silly grine reminding me that people must think I'm silly or crazzy and that I actually don't care.


axxie - Jun 9th, 2009 1:50 AM

Oops sorry I'm in fibro fog and read my writing and i'm terrible. oh well c'est la vie.

Tnichel, have a nice day and Fantod thank you for your constant words of wisdom.

Time for me to hit a dozen or so hours of sleep I deserve it.


RANDILEEM - Jun 12th, 2009 7:49 PM

before starting the Lunest and Zanaflex is was not unusual for me to sleep 16 hours get up read the paper, eat breakfast then take a six hour nap, eat dinner then go to bed again. Thank God my husband is a saint and understands enough that he takes care of most of the housework (except laundry..lol) and even when I do laundry it takes all I have some days to carry it from the laudry room 15 ft to the living room and dump it in a heap...sometimes the heap is there for 2 weeks an we live out of it (thanks to wrinkle free setting on dryer) all I manage to do most days is go to work eat dinner then watch some TV in bed by 9 up at 5:45 :-(


RavenFax - Jun 24th, 2009 1:21 AM

I am new to fibro and I am the one in the house that did EVERYTHING. 4 yrs ago I was diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia (i can not spell). short story it causes the most intense pain u can imagine then double it in the trigeminal muscle on the left side of the face ( early onset of fms?) I have not worked since. the TN kept me out of work for a year then went into remission. by that time i was home economy was starting to go so I stayed home and become the keeper of all hats and keys. It was ok at first. I was really good at it though for some reason 1 or 2 days a week after a major cleaning or laundry spree i was on the couch. I was the weekend mall warroir walking every store every lvl just window shopping. Now just going to get milk makes me want to cry. I have kicked myself compared myself and just plain cried cus I can't even get up and get my 2 kids ready for school some days. Everything is such a chore. Reading this helps me to realize I am not the only one who does this lol. Its hard not being embarrassed. I no longer have guests in my house b/c I can't keep up with the cleaning. I have a line of dirty launry that runs from my living room and down the hall to each of 2 bedrooms. Some of my friendships are suffering too. I just don't want to deal with people most days anymore. Its too much work. any tips?

Thanks so much for being here


kinipeli - Jul 30th, 2009 12:56 PM

I know what you mean about getting that much sleep.I have widespread FMS. During the day, I sit here and think how much I want to clean and get out of the house and do things, but despite all the sleep I get at night, I am too damn tired to do anything. It is hard to even wash dishes or to vac. I have lost friendships over this because they just don't get it. Every time I have to explain why I can't do certain things, I feel like I am being lazy, or I think they think I m abeing lazy and making this stuff up. Everyday is a struggle, as I also am dealing with anxiety and depression.


sarasmile477 - Aug 18th, 2009 2:57 AM

WOW, I am newly diagnosed (just today in fact). But I have researched this disease and these postings are really helping me FULLY understand that.........I AM NOT CRAZY........I AM NOT A BAD MOTHER.........I AM NOT A FAILURE..........I AM NOT LAZY!!!! I have a disease that causes me to feel like CRAP!! As I said in so many words on another post...it KILLS me to NOT be supermom anymore. But after reading these posts from all of you people who sound like the picture of the way I feel inside, I am giving myself permission to rest and say no and ask for help when I need it as of RIGHT NOW!!! I will stop worrying about how my illnes will affect my kids' ADHD brains when they live in a house that is filled with undone laundry and dishes in the sink sometimes. I will tell myself it's ok that I can't fix my daughter's hair in the morning when I can't even breath without pain let alone hold a comb in my hands. Thanks you to all of you people out there who have helped me so much in the hour I have sat on this website for the first time ever...Thank you!


Crayde - Sep 26th, 2009 4:48 AM

Tnichel - Hi, i am new to being diagnosed with FMS by gee wizz i can TOTALLY identify with everything that you are saying.

I feel like i am being incredibly lazy, but i am honestly in SOOOOO much pain and feeling SOOOO lethargic all the time. On top of all this i have just had my meds changed and although i have been given some pain relief in the form of panadine forte, it barely touches the surface and as for sleep.... whats that??? I get about 5-7 hours of disturbed sleep if i am lucky.
I hate feeling yucky all the time and i seriously feel like i am letting my children down.
I have had a really good read over this web site, the information and the forums and the one thing that is constantly repeated, is that you have to learn to say no and that when you are having a bad day (or week) the best thing to do is rest.
I have only recently got married (just under 2 months ago) and my husband is VERY supportive, I know i have been really hard to live with, it is amazing how being sore and tired can make you sooooo increadibly grumpy, and he has dealt with it very well.... Poor baby.
Anyway, thanks for reading and listening to me rant and rave, it makes it feel just a little bit better to get your feelings out there...
Chat soon
Crayde