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Thanks for your help

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Helvio. They say there is no cure but.......there is management which can improve the quality of life. Support and understanding from a loved one is part of this management. Ur girlfriend possibly will have bad days when she is not coping but she will also have good days when life is wonderful. There are many said remedies for fm and I am just beginning to get relief from them now. U sound youn g, so this is good. ur gf can learn to manage a wonderful marriage as well as fm if she is willing. If you love her as I presume you do , Im sure you can work through the tough times together. Staying positive always helps.

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Hi Helvio, Just knowing about your girlfriends fibro and seeking info about it now before you are married makes me think you must be a kind and caring person. Some of us wish we had that. My not expert advice would be to go to her Dr. with her ,learn all you can together , love and patience above all is sometimes the best medicine. Stress does cause pain in fibro and depression. She is a lucky girl to have you caring. Also give her a helping hand when she needs it, it will mean alot to her. Fibro is manageable if you find the right Dr. and meds..........Good Luck and Good Health to you both..............Colleen

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I think fibro is Lyme disease. Please go to www.lymenet.org/FlashDiscussion/MedicalQuestions and study there. You can post there and people will respond. They can help you find a knowledgeable doctor to test and treat for it.

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just be as understanding as possible. it hurts so much and it is hard to cope. the sleeping the anxiety the depression and then the pain it gets hard just make sure you are always there for her im sure that she will appreciate it.
exercise and a very healthy lifestyle always makes me feel just a tad bit better
and of course chocolate it cures EVERYTHING and robin1237 you post that lyme disease thing everywhere its not lyme its fm we have to live with it this place makes us feel better
its not lyme disease
kay cool :-)

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Hi hon
my hubby knew I had it when he met me and went through with it. He didn't I think expect the severe downward spiral I had after a very stressful time in our life now he has to do a LOT in the home, I am useless.
If you love her dearly and you can take the ups with the downs, if you can see her get worse and fed up and then feel better and worried that it may be a temporary thing.
My hubby is happy cos we are mad lol, and we have faith in GOD, together we are one flesh and we have a duty to one another.
It is more or less your call and I hope you make the right decision. Don 't forget we can get around now even when bad in our little electric buggies, so it isn't all doom and gloom. Then there are the remissions, awesome fun, we can do things again yeahhh!
God bless you both
luv Dawnx

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I will give you the best answers I can, considering we are in the same situation.

I have spent the past few years thumbing through FM sites and taking notes on my fiancé’s conditions, triggers, soothers, and irritants. I will have to say that from reading through these posts and countless FM sites...my fiancé has the most extreme case of FM ever documented. I am not an extremist and I tend to down play most things, but I will have to say that this girl is in some chronic pain…and I have seen the progression for 15 years. We went to college together way back in the day and she and I finally reunited two years ago. I remember going to the doctor with her a few times when she was just initiating the search for causes of her pain. Today, it’s extreme and painful for the both of us…but it’s all about loving her, taking care of her the best you can, and remaining calm and understanding.

It is hard to answer these lifelong questions without writing a novel or without giving you a one-sided answer. In short, the FM is going to sculpt your life in term of what and how you two live together…but it’s up to you two to manage the pains, activities, and emotions that determine how your life is lived. From a man’s perspective, it’s going to drive you nuts wanting to do a lot of things she just doesn’t feel up to. But, it’s up to you to be creative in finding joy in the things and within the times she feels good enough to do the things she can.
To help, message her every night, keep calm and relaxed, and go above and beyond your typical house duties. Best thing you can do is just help her manage her pain by not being part of the cause…just message her where it hurts and fix her dinner....it’s all about loving her, taking care of her the best you can, and remaining calm and understanding.

Please keep in touch on this and I will do my best to keep up with this thread.

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You'll need to learn to live for the moment. Plans are great...but with Fibro....flare ups come when they want...not when it's convenient.

Be understanding of that...so you don't get in the habit of blaming her of "fake flares" to get out of doing things.

Be gentle with touches and hugs. She is the one in charge of managing her own illness...you just need to be supportive...and it bods well you are here asking questions. Bravo Helvio!

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I was diagnosed less than a year after my husband and I got married. He cried after I told him, but he was grateful that I had a diagnosis. I had been struggling with inexplicable pain and "issues" since we met and he never understood them. He still doesn't, most of the time I don't!

Your girl is still your girl, for better or for worse, right? If you are considering marriage, that is how it should be. Would you be posting the same question if it was asthma or arthritis?

How will it affect your life? If you are compassionate and understanding, it will strengthen your relationship. If you take the attitude that because you can't see it, it must not be there, then you will be miserable because that will only make her feel worse.

If you only want to be with someone who is "healthy" consider the fact that can all change in the blink of an eye, very easily. We are rather delicate creatures in the grand scheme of things. And nothing worth having is ever easy.

What you can do to help her is understand when she says she needs a few minutes to sit/lay down, she really needs them. If she says she hurts, don't ask her why, ask her if there is anything you can get her. We never know why and I find it difficult when my husband asks me because I want to be able to give him a reason. If there is a reason, there should be a fix. Listen to her and love her.

It is true there is no cure.....yet. There are still many doctors who don't even believe FM is real! But that doesn't mean there aren't ways to manage and cope. There are things we can do to help ease the symptoms. And when we have people who love us and are understanding and compassionate we fair much better against our fibromyalgia.

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PS Fibromyalgia is not Lyme disease, it's Fibromyalgia!

Because I say it, it must be true? Well then this lottery ticket I am holding in my hand is the winning ticket!

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Helvio,

Your girlfriend's illness will effect your lives, but if you are religious you will know by praying to God that she is meant to be in your life or not. I have had Fibromyaglia for years, but the last three years it has increase in it's progress. I still work. I am a mother of three. I struggle at times, but I keep getting on.

Do you love her? If yes, be understanding to her situation. Understand that this illness is not her fault and love her. Also water exercise classes and hot tubes help out a lot. I exercise as often as possible.

I advise to you is follow your heart, listen to God, and prepare yourself for marriage. It won't always be easy, but what marriage isn't.

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If you don't believe in God, believe in yourself and your love. Love really can conquer all. Anything worth having is worth working for.

It won't be easy but considering anyone can fall ill at any time with things far more serious than FMS, you should cherish the time you have and take solace in the fact that we are strong and we can endure this syndrome and do amazing things.

Remember, the symbol for FMS is a purple butterfly; it symbolizes the metamorphosis of our pain into something beautiful. Find purpose in that.

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Helvio, you go ahead and do what is best in your heart, you love her, then marry. Health issues can be managed, just remember you need to listen and have good conversation.

I met my husband when I was battling cancer, so he knew what I was going through, it took awhile for us to figure out what to do, and then one day, we looked at each other, and said, why complicate things, we love each other, we will make do, we married. We lived each other for 7 years together and we've been married for 18, so count it's been 25 years we've been together.

You go get married, and you go live your life and take just one day at a time and love your life and love your wife. She will also give you happiness, and give you all she has, just somedays it's less because she's not feeling well, but you should still be able to lead a happy life together.

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