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Tough question. First of all, you can not do everything for this gentleman. He already feels robbed of his identity. He needs to figure out his limits and learn to ask for help. You can tell him that all he has to do is ask. Waiting on him will only make things worse especially for a man. They have that fragile male ego that needs to be able to stand to one degree or another on its own two feet.

You can not save him from this syndrome. It has done and is doing its work. If he is a good patient and follows his doctor's orders to the letter than there is not much else to be done. If he is not getting proper care than he needs to decide what to do about it. He is, afterall, a grown man.

Your emotional pain is nothing that should be laid at his door step. Obviously you care for this person. Perhaps you should consider seeing a professional to sort out what is actually going on with this dynamic under all of the layers. There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting someone you love to feel better. But, (and I could be wrong) I sense that there may be some deeper issues here.
Take care.

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I can relate to how you are feeling. My husband has Fibro and I have tried to help him also but unsuccessful. I massage him but sometimes it hurts too much. I feel helpless at times. The best thing is to just be there for him and support him by listening to his feelings. Also, try to get his mind off the pain by distracting him by doing activities. Make him feel wanted/needed.

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Thank you for your thoughts. I have been gathering everything I can.

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You're a wonderful person to stand by this man and want to help him. That's not always the case.

There's something very important to keep in mind- those we love may not always be able to help us lessen the physical pain, but that does not mean that they don't make us feel better! Just knowing that someone is there for us gives us strength to help handle things.

Sometimes, all we want is a hug, to physically feel that someone is there for us. Somedays it's a kind word, or letting us be the strong shoulder for someone else to cry on. That can make us feel important. Communication and listening are how you'll know what to do. Since people can't see how we feel inside, we need to keep the communication open on our end, too.

I have my days when I'm hurting so much or I'm angry from something that I just want some alone time to recharge my batteries. We sometimes try to put on a brave face for the loved ones around us, to make it easier, and that can take effort. If this man occasionally needs that, too, this could be why. It doesn't mean we're angry at anyone, it's just that our physical sensitivities are all we can handle at the moment. Trust us, when it's gone down and we come out again, we'll feel better for it.

I agree with houtxgaly that other activities and getting the mind on something else helps. Is there a hobby that you two can enjoy together? Reading, or movies, or cooking, or anything like that? Sometimes going out can be a little hard on us, so special nights at home can be nice.

Every day is different, and sometimes we can do things and sometimes we can't. It's nice when people offer help, and we can always say no if we feel it's something we can handle.

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Your explanation of how you feel and what you do to deal with your pain is a mirror to the man I referred to in my post. Your reference to recharging batteries and putting on a brave face is something I’m learning to be more in tuned to when spending time with him. Thankfully we have an honest relationship and he can tell me where he is in regard to his pain level. For the person who is trying to support a person with fibromyalgia I find that communication is very important if not the key factor. I greatly appreciate when he can tell me that he is at a low energy point. From there I have something to work with.
Your reassuring words confirming the importance of finding different ways to share quiet time together are greatly appreciated. Neither of us are high maintenance in the area of entertainment and we currently find great comfort in reading, watching movies and cooking.
Thank you and may you be blessed with rest and comfort for the days to come.

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