Cant take it any more..............
deedee1.1 - Feb 3rd, 2009 5:22 PM
[ Original Post ]

I have suffered with fibro since i was a child, and i remember tellng my parents my body hurts. They said it was probably growing pains and nothing to worry about. When i turned 16 0r 17 i thought something was wrong and i went to see my family doctor. I told him i have had pains and aches since i remember, he told me there was nothing he could do!!! So i thought i'll have to just deal with it. It felt like i was carring so much weight on my shoulders and i couldnt put it down or take it off. I carried on (i had to), school, coullege, and work. It was my shoulders and neck that used to burn, thump, stab and it felt like i was being pricked by tiny hot pins. I used to lie down on the floor until the pain slowed down and carry on with what i was doing. This would go back and forth for about 10-15 times a day. Then, one day at work my manager was shouting at me while i had a cardboard box in my hand full of printer paper, i could put it down as my desk was full of fles, my phone was ringing and someone on the other side of the office was shouting for me. This was happening all at once, my back and neck were thumping, i started to sweat. I got so overwhelmed and i chucked the box on the floor and i threw my self on my seat...i stopped breathing, my whole body felt like it stopped, i was like a painful bomb was about to go off. The people behind me ran to my aid, for sme reason they thought i had something stuck down my throt and they started to punch my back..OH MY GOD DID THAT PARALISE ME...I couldnt move. My manager took me home and i didnt go to work for a month. And guess what?? I was 21 years old when this bomb went off. The pain travelled all over, form my face to my feet. I tried to lie down on the floor like i used to, but it didnt work. And from that day to the present...(aged 29) i'm useless to myself and others. The only person that understands is my mum. I got married, my husband knows of my condition and dosn't really care. As long as i clean the house, wash his cothes, make his food and keep his bed warm he's happy. I cant say that i hurt or i'm tired, he get's moody, shouts and stops talking to me. I cant stop crying cos i hurt so much. I cant cry infront of him as he tells me to shut up. So i do it quitley if hes around. I was laid off my last job which was 6 months ago and i'm looking for work. This is another thing that he's annoyed with cos im not working. i dont know what to do anymore. I cant talk to my mum as she is very ill so i try and support her. But really, i have no one. I have considered topping myself, but i cant. My mum only has me and i cant do that to her. I need help.

Comment


 

vjschulz - Feb 12th, 2009 6:51 AM

Deedee1.1-
My sister went through the same thing with her husband. He always told her to take her medicine and go to bed. I swear! That made me want to reach through the phone and choke him. My sister is my hero, my best friend. She's been suffereing from Fibro for more than 5 years. I am being checked out for it myself. You always have someone; always. Your husband has no idea how to appreciate the fact of how strong you are! To go through this at such a young age. You know your body better than anyone. You know what hurts you know what support you need. You obviously are not getting that support from your husband so you need to put your personnel wellbeing into perspective. What you may not know; not trying to insult your intellegence; is that having mental support is just about important as having physical support. You are not alone. That is the most important thing to remember. Do not blame yourself for your diagnosis. Embrace the life you have; it is a blessing for you to be in this world! You are a blessing!


axxie - Feb 13th, 2009 1:06 AM

Deedee1.1, you need help, may I suggest you see your doctor and tell him to put you on some kind of maintenance medication, such as Cymbalta, that would help your moods, and pain management and maybe a sleeping aid, Trazadone, it's a sleep aid. Would also help you with having a better sleep patern.

No one needs to feel the way you feel, go see your doctor and tell him/her how you are feeling, there is no shame in admitting that you are loosing the battle and that you are feeling depressed and angry. He/she will help you with drugs that will help you elevate your mood, and loads of other drugs that also help with the pain you are in.
Good luck and let us know.


hellinhighwater - Feb 15th, 2009 3:06 AM

Maybe if your husband read some of these comments such as the ones named "Husbands who have wives with FMS" and "An open letter for people who don't have FMS". It may help him understand your illness more and be more supportive when you are suffering. Best wishes and I hope you can get the help you need to cope.