Myhusband wont understand what I am going thru.
Nola - Aug 11th, 2009 7:36 PM
[ Original Post ]

Hi...I have a need to vent. Had an awful night last night. Various issues arouse and I know I over react to things but I really cant help it at times. When I tried to explain to my husband that I am finding life difficult he just said "I know you hurt but you need to stop overreacting to everything" Tried to explain it is out of my control and it is part of the fibro he didnt want to know. I "threw" a book at him and told him if he bothered to find out about fibro he would be able to understand why I am finding life difficult.The only thing he can understand is that I have pain. He doesnt understand I am dealing with a whole hose of other things and that they change constantly..sometimes the issue is fatigue, sometimes it is trouble concentrating, sometimes I feel like I have early onset Alzheimers my mind is so fuzzy...the pain is only one factor.
It is not helped by the fact that he has Ankylosing Spondilitis and my daughter has severe Rheumatoid Arthritis....I feel that if I was diagnosed with an Arthritis it would be something he could understand. I told my Rheumatologist that I would find it easier to have been diagnosed with RA, because I at least understand that...He did say a lot of his patients feel that way.
I really dont know how to make him understand that I just dont feel well and my coping skills are virtually zero. We have been together for 34 years - since I was 15, but at the moment I feel like I just want to end the marriage.
I know this sounds like a rant....but I had to get it off my chest.
Thanks to everyone for "listening"

Comment


 

Fantod - Aug 11th, 2009 10:17 PM

Hello Nola - Your situation is overwhelming just reading your post. There is a lot going on in your home with everyone's health issues. This is a very difficult situation and not uncommon with Fibromyalgia (FMS). The symptoms are variable and just when you think things will be better another "perk" rears its ugly head.

I think, generally, people are all stretched a little to thinly these days. We all seem to run from one fire to another and nothing ever seems to get handled as well as we would like. And with FMS, because we feel lousy all of the time it is easy to over react to even the most simple situations. Most of time, I can't reason my way out of a paper bag. I used to eat nails for breakfast and now I am reduced to a nervous nelly who needs no excuse to become overly anxious.

I would like to gently suggest that you consider going to see a counseler. I would try to identify someone who has experience with serious illness and/or chronic pain. You have a lot on your plate with your own illness. Having a spouse and a child who also have chronic illness has got to more than any one person can handle. You can google "the name of your city, psychologist and chronic pain" to see what pops up. Or, you can call your local hospital physician referral service and ask them for assistance. Many people on this board see someone for additional help and support (myself included). Personally, I can say that it has been very helpful to me.

Have you considered sharing this website with your husband? If not this one, the National Arthitis Foundation website (use the search function) has information on FMS. The National Arthitis Foundation and the Center for Disease control both recognise FMS. You could also buy the "Fibromyalgia for Dummies" book and give it to him. Or, take him to an appointment with your rheumotologist. You have to be be your own best advocate when it comes to dealing with FMS. The better educated you are, the more liberated you will feel.. Knowledge is power.

You are not alone. We are all here to listen and help in any way that we are able. Ask questions, vent any time. Take care and God bless.


Nola - Aug 11th, 2009 10:56 PM

Thanks Fantod - I am seeing a psychologist at present and I am thinking of doing a course on meditation. My problem with my husband is not lack of available information, rather a lack of willingness to learn about Fibromylagia...the old "You can lead a horse to Water" I guess he can only understand what he can see. This morning when he rang me at work he was more willing to listen, but for some reason he tends to wait until thing "blow up" and at that time he then asks me to explain. As things tend to blow up at night when I am exhausted you can imagine how receptive I am to his request to "Explain it to Me" - At this point I am normally in tears.
I guess we will work through it all...Thanks for taking the time to reply. As I said - sometimes it helps to just vent.




JOEGIRL - Aug 11th, 2009 11:27 PM

Nola, I think you have a lot going on in your world with everyone in your home with chronic pain. You , your husband and your daughter are all hurting. I don't know what to tell you but just pray and maybe you and your husband need a weekend away together to connect and relax. I hope things will get better for you. Keep venting, it does help.