Just wanted to say hello, and tell you a little about myself. Also wanted to thank everyone here for sharing what they are going through. I am so glad I found this place. I really need to talk to people who understand what I am going through.
Actually I am not a new sufferer, I am just new to the board and recently diagnosed. I chose my screen name Diagnosed2late because I suffered for a few years and was only diagnosed after I lost everything. It started when I was a teenager and progressively got worse over the years. I am 31 now. I did have a few good years though, but over the last three years it has become unbearable.
My wife and I are separated, and she wants a divorce. I am in financial ruin. I still have my job at least, but sometimes I wonder how long I will be able to keep it. I have withdrawn from most of my friends and family, and have very few intact relationships in my life. I haven't made a new friend in years.
What hurts the most is losing my wife and three kids. I really believe that if I was diagnosed sooner this would not have happened. My wife and I love each other very much, but over the last year or so I had become an unbearable person to live with. I am sure everyone here understands the strain that this illness can cause on relationships.
I was in constant pain, and horribly depressed. I even became suicidal a couple of times. I was miserable all the time. I had constant mood swings, and would become very frustrated, and angry at the smallest of things. I became verbally abusive to friends and family, and would lash out at people, especially when having a bad day, and having bad pain.
On top of that the constant fatigue caused me not to participate in things I should have, and wanted to do. I lost interest in almost every aspect of life. It is almost impossible to be a good husband, wife, father, or mother with fibromyalgia.
I truly believe that if I had known what I had, and sought treatment for it sooner, my life would be different right now. I knew I was depressed, but I didn't get help for it. I was crying out for help in many ways, but no one knew what to do to help me.
I was already being treated for pain, I also have osteo-arthritis, but I never talked to my doctor about my sever depression, out of embarrassment. It is harder for men to talk about things like that. We are raised to be strong, and not show any sign of weakness. I also feared that people would think I am a lazy ass, when talking about the fatigue, and tiredness. My wife leaving me gave me motivation to seek the help I so greatly needed.
I am doing a lot better now that I have gotten treatment. I am taking Cymbalta, and Nuerontin. I continue to take Oxycodone, and Advil for the arthritis and other pain. I am also going to therapy, and trying to lead a more healthy lifestyle. I still have rough days, but overall I have seen improvement.
But there seems to be no treatment for a broken heart. I don't know what to do. I miss my wife and children badly. they were my world. The only thing that kept me going. I am trying to win them back though. My wife still talks to me, so that is good.
She knows what a good person I am, and knows that the person I have been over the last year, is not really the person that I am, but I fear I have caused her too much hurt. She doesn't really understand what I was going through. I am trying to get her to learn about fibromyalgia, but I really want her to read this forum, and see how devastating this has been on other people, and their lives.
For those of you that have a spouse or loved one. Sit them down, the next chance you get, and thank them with all of your heart for being there for you, or at least putting up with you. Let them know how much you appreciate them, and are grateful for them, and do this every chance you get. Also try to be there for them, and meet their needs(I know it is hard). Do this while you still have a chance, you will regret it if you don't. Do it right now, go tell them how much they mean to you! |
