Supporting my wife who has fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia Forum

Home

What is Fibromyalgia?

Fibromyalgia Symptoms

Diagnosis and Tests

Associated Conditions

Medical Treatment

Fibromyalgia Medication

Alternative Therapies

Self Care

Links

Fibromyalgia Forum

Q&A | Fibromyalgia Support - Family Members | Supporting my wife who has fibromyalgia.

Welcome, guest

Name: MJ Title of Question: Supporting my wife who has fibromyalgia.

Question: What can I do to keep me from feeling so resentful because I'm having to do most everything at home? I know she can't and she is in a good deal of pain, but after a while I begin to feel resentful that I'm having to carry so much of the weight at home. We have three children and my wife works and is completely worn out and in pain at the end of the day. I'm not doing a good job of dealing with the extra pressure that is put on me of taking care of most of the responsiblities around the home. ?

Post Your Answer To The Question Above:

Name: Karen | Date: July 23, 2005, 1:49

Answer: Hi, What you are feeling is very normal. You are probably feeling no different than someone who is the caregiver of a cancer patient. maybe you could think about getting some help with the children so you can have sometime to yourself. Your wife isn't the only one suffering, so are you. If you don't take care of you, you won't be of any benefit to her or the children. Check with a neighbor or a friend. Maybe they can pitch in and help with the kids once or twice a week. Give you a break and maybe your kids too. Please don't forget your wife. She needs your love and support. I feel for her. maybe you two can spend an evening togther when she is feeling up to it. =

Name: LJ | Date: January 29, 2006, 0:07

Answer: Hi MJ, I can tell you my husband feels the same way you do and we don't even have children. I have fibro and he does everything around the house: laundry, grocery shopping, caring for pets, paying bills, etc. We do have a house cleaner and I recommend it if you can aford it. I used to work but had to quit due to my symptoms but when I did work I was just like your wife and would just crash on the couch when I got home and would complain of being in pain. I wish there was some way to get you in touch with my hubby so you guys could chat and vent. I don't know if you have family or friends that would be willing to help out some. I know we are not good and asking for help and I know my husband wouldn't be willing to. I'm sure it's hard to not feel resentful. You can probably commiserate and discuss it with your wife if you target your resentment and the condition and not her. The hard part for those of us with the condition is we start to think badly of ourselves and the fact that we do not accomplish very much in a day. So just be careful not to direct your resentment at her. But if it's directed at the condition you guys can commisserate together and talk about all the things you both hate about it. Believe me she hates it as much as you do and hates the fact that you have to do everything. She may not say it but she does. You guys are on the same side and need to wage a war against fms. It's the enemy. My husband and I are still dealing with this issue and have not found an effective solution so I won't pretend to have an answer but I hope it helps you to know you are not alone. =

Name: Coach eve | Date: January 29, 2006, 19:04

Answer: Make it a priority to find your own circle of support - whether that is a support group for caregivers, a friend, or a life coach who specialized in supporting people affected by chronic illness. The fact that your wife has FM is creating huge shifts in the "roles" you once accepted without question, and just as every aspect of her life is affected by this disease, so is yours. It is normal to grieve the loss of your companion in activities she can no longer take part in, and it is absolutely normal for you to feel frustration, disappointment, fear, anger and resentment. Just know that these feelings are NOTHING TO BE GUILTY ABOUT! Accept the feelings and then try to find acceptable solutions for some of the challenges and issues you are having to deal with. ONe of the things I often suggest to my "mainstay" clients is that they find a way to get some sort of break and time for themself every week if not every day. It's vital for your own emotional balance and stability! As to the increassed duties: if your children aren't old enough to delegate some of the chores to, consider greatly simplifying the list of things you feel you "should" be doing. Then, eliminate as much as possible and find ways to streamline others. If possible, get a bit of help! Lastly, communicate with clarity and with love what you are feeling to your wife. She probably suspects how you feel anyway, and by sharing the concerns, issues and changes on both sides of this disease will eventually bring you closer than ever. eve =

Name: coach eve | Date: January 29, 2006, 19:06

Answer: and if you want to talk to me about this in person some time- email me at evereddinlennon@yahoo.com =

Name: Claudia | Date: May 1, 2006, 0:05

Answer: It is very hard to live with anyone who has a chronic condition.My heart goes out to you.I think the most important thing to do ia be honest.You have rhe right to have your own time as well.If you could make a schedule,of quiet time,and fun time for yourself,it would reduce the stress of it all. It is a must that you enjoy all the things that made you happy before this new way of living came to be.You have a new wife with new needs.You are still who you were and have the right to still enjoy life.When your happy your whole family will be happy.Think of fun trips for yourself another trip for you and the kids and very short trips with your wife.I have Fibromyalgia and I am so happy when I know my family members are keeping thier life normal.You still have energy and should be enjoying life.Parks are free,picnics are free,walks are free,many many trips can be fun.Fibromyalgia limits our time and energy and love short trips,so it is necessary you plan fun for yourself and family on your outings,to have as much fun as possible.Its olay,believe me,when my family members are gone,I can truly relax and enjoy my quiet time.So you would be doing both of you a favor. =

Name: Bob | Date: May 2, 2006, 23:11

Answer: Remember who she was and not what you want her to be. What would of she had done for you if the situation was reversed? Get rid of your logical thinking and self serving pity and deal with your situation as a man and not a child. Your wife would of dealt with this problem in a loving way inspite of the unbelieable hardships.Make all men proud of you and be an example to all. =

Name: Barbara | Date: September 19, 2006, 14:16

Answer: Do an assessment with your wife of things that need to be done around the house and prioritize. Pick something that you can afford not to do and don't do it. Save that time for yourself and take care of you. With three kids, I'm sure it must seem as if there's nothing that can be lain aside for a while and not done but take a second lookk. Surely there is something that can wait while you spend some special time with yourself. =

Name: Susan C. | Date: November 16, 2007, 18:53

Answer: All I want to say is God bless you for taking on the responsibilities of doing the things your wife can't do. My husband doesn't do that. =

Name: Gryph | Date: March 20, 2008, 11:28

Answer: I feel for you MJ. I am in the same situation. My wife has been diagnosed with FM but we haven't totally accepted the diagnoses...we are waiting for the hammer to fall and for MS or something similar to be diagnosed. Anyways, I feel the same way. I feel put out when she constantly asks for things and that I am doing everthing around the house. We also have two little girls (4 and 2) and life if very busy. I'm upset that if I don't do things it doesn't get done...we moved into our house 18 months ago and still have main rooms in our house that are cluttered to the point that there are only walkways through the clutter. I hate that I feel this way, I feel like I'm not supporting her...I know that what I am going throug is only half of what she is experiencing and I feel selfish but I still get angry when nothing gets done. I hope I can find the strength to deal with this. I want to help her as much as I can I don't want her to feel like she is alone in this but my emotions get in the way. =

Name: amandajean | Date: May 21, 2008, 11:06

Answer: You both need to ask for extra help from family if possible, or friends, so then you are not feeling resentful. Its so hard to deal with, but you are wonderful to help your wife the way that you do. =